Citation
Teacher response to student writing

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Title:
Teacher response to student writing one ESL classroom
Creator:
Yarbrough, Deborah Louise
Place of Publication:
Denver, CO
Publisher:
University of Colorado Denver
Publication Date:
Language:
English
Physical Description:
viii, 287 leaves : ; 29 cm

Subjects

Subjects / Keywords:
English language -- Study and teaching (Secondary) -- Foreign speakers ( lcsh )
English language -- Rhetoric -- Study and teaching (Secondary) ( lcsh )
English language -- Rhetoric -- Study and teaching (Secondary) ( fast )
English language -- Study and teaching (Secondary) -- Foreign speakers ( fast )
Genre:
bibliography ( marcgt )
theses ( marcgt )
non-fiction ( marcgt )

Notes

Bibliography:
Includes bibliographical references.
Thesis:
Submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree, Master of Arts, English
General Note:
Department of English
Statement of Responsibility:
by Deborah Louise Yarbrough.

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Source Institution:
|University of Colorado Denver
Holding Location:
|Auraria Library
Rights Management:
All applicable rights reserved by the source institution and holding location.
Resource Identifier:
28092858 ( OCLC )
ocm28092858
Classification:
LD1190.L54 1992m .Y37 ( lcc )

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TEACHER RESPONSE TO STUDENT WRITING: ONE ESL CLASSROOM by Deborah Louise Yarbrough B.A., Oklahoma State University, 1973 A thesis submitted to the Faculty of the Graduate School of the University of Colorado at Denver in partial fulfillment of the requirements for the degree of Master of Arts English 1992

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This thesis for the Master of Arts degree by Deborah Louise Yarbrough has been approved for the Department of English by i I t Liz Hampl;ODyons v J hn t Date

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Yarbrough, Deborah Louise (M.A., English} Teacher Response to Student Writing: one ESL Classroom Thesis directed by Associate Professor Liz Hamp-Lyons ABSTRACT A semester-long qualitative study of a high school intermediate-level ESL reading writing classroom revealed a significant disparity between teacher and student perceptions of the values articulated in the teacher's written responses to students' writing. Through her responses to student writing, the teacher wanted not only to encourage students to exercise responsibiiity for their writing but also to enhance their confidence in communicating through writing without being overly concerned with grammatical correctness. However, she used a directive style of response which focused primarily on students' language errors and appropriated students' responsibility for text revision. students reflected the teacher's concern iii

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with language error in their with correctness in writing and their belief that correct writing good writing. In revising their texts, students tended to limit revisions to teacher-identified issues so that revision became chiefly a matter of copying the teacher corrections into a second draft. Data were collected through a variety of sources, including classroom observations, audiotapes of classroom lessons, a teacher journal, students' written texts, and student and teacher interviews. The findings suggest both the importance of students' beliefs, expectations, and perspectives as a source of information about classroom instruction and the need to examine the constraints that influence instructional practice. This abstract accurately represents the content of the candidate's thesis. I publication. Signed iv

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ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS I would like to thank the members of my committee, Dr. Liz Hamp-Lyons, Dr. John Lofty, and Dr. Richard VanDeWeghe, for their guidance, insightful comments, and infinite patience. Thanks also to my parents, Charles and Louise Yarbrough, whose emotional and financial support helped sustain me throughout this project, and to my children, Shahana and Yusuf Ali for their understanding. Finally, thanks to Mrs. Marshall and her students from whom I have learned much and without whose cooperation this study would not have been possible.

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CONTENTS CHAPTER 1. INTRODUCTION ............. 1 Finding a Classroom . . . . 3 Coming to the Question . 4 Choosing a Research Perspective . 5 Data Collection . . . . 7 Perspectives on the Teaching of Writing 15 Summary of Chapters . . . . . 20 2. COMING TO BE: THE CREATION OF A COMMUNITY 22 The School . . 22 A Brief Profile of Mrs. Marshall 27 The ESL Program at Westway High . 29 Placing students in the ESL Program 30 The Classroom . . 32 Location in Time and Space . 32 The Students . . . 3 4 A Common Goal . . 36 3. SETTING THE CONTEXT FOR WRITING .... 39 Settling In, Feeling at Home 39 August 31: Writing to Speak Out 43 September 5: Writing to Form ... 46 vi

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Writing Goes Undercover Writing For Effect ... october 1: Two Descriptions of a Giant October 5: Adding Color 49 53 55 to the Language . 56 October 29: students of style . . 58 November 7: Writing the Scary Story . . . . 60 Dueling Paradigms . . . . . 64 4. READING MRS. MARSHALL: STUDENT RESPONSE TO TEACHER RESPONSE 68 Reading Students' Texts: Mrs. Marshall's Goals and Expectations . . . 70 Four Writers, Four Readers of Response 74 Mai: Re-vision Beyond Proofreading . 74 The Hobbit: Lost in Language 91 Jon: Writing with Restricted Vision 109 April: Fixed by Form . 123 Disparate Images of Writing 141 Focused on Error 142 Teacher Dependent 143 5.-A FINAL LOOK: VISIONS BEYOND 144 Unfulfilled Intentions . 147 Why I Don't Do As I Say 150 vii

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Beyond Form and Correctness 155 Writing to Make Meaning .. 157 students of Our own Classrooms 161 APPENDIX A. Excerpts from Mrs. Marshall's Journal 164 B. Edited Transcripts of Interviews with Mrs. Marshall ...... 186 c. Edited Transcripts of Student Interviews April . . . 189 The Hobbit . . . . . . 222 Jon 242 Mai .. . . . 261 D. Mrs. Marshall's Letter to New International students . . 274 E. Mrs. Marshall's Philosophy of Education 278 F. Topics for ESL Entrance Writing Sample 281. REFERENCES . . . . . . . 282 viii

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CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION Three images of second language writers, three images that piqued my interest in second language writing . The first, a high school ESL (English as a Second Language) class in which I am substitute teaching. As the class reviews the past tense of irregular verbs, cries of "Me, call on me!" punctuate the air. In their enthusiasm, students almost lift themselves out of their seats as they raise their hands . An interview with a fourteen-year old student from Taiwan about the techniques she uses to learn English. Sherry's voice resonates with excitement as she describes the language notebooks she and her brother keep. Each day they compete to see who can record the most new words and phrases Another interview, this time with a young woman about to graduate from an intensive English program. An-mei expresses the difficulty of 1

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choosing a topic appropriate for an unfamiliar audience: "I got this idea. In Chinese maybe is good idea, maybe American say, 'No, you can't say this.' .. Maybe I write something, you say, when I write something from my life, you say, 'It's crazy, it's stupid. Why you write this?'" The Ll composition theory and research I read in my graduate studies stressed writing as process and suggested that attention to formal concerns like grammar and punctuation be delayed until a writer had worked through the meaning of her piece. But for many of the second language writers I met, grammar and vocabulary--the nuts and bolts of language--figured prominently in learning how to write in English. Yet, as An-mei noted, learning to write in another language requires knowledge beyond the word and sentence level. I began to wonder about the experience of writing in a second language and wanted to learn more, so I set out to find a group of second language students I could learn from. 2

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Finding a Classroom As a teacher of writing, I was interested in observing language learners within a classroom setting. I contacted Deanna Marshall,1 a frequent presenter at local ESL meetings and a high school ESL teacher for whom I had often substituted. Of the ESL professionals I knew, she seemed most likely to welcome the presence of another pair of eyes in her classroom. As a potential member of the classroom community, the respect for students and the comfortable learning environment which characterized Mrs. Marshall's classroom were important to me. The opening day of the fall semester 1990 found me taking a seat in her ESL II Reading and Writing class. 1In keeping with standard practice, I have used pseudonyms for all persons and places mentioned within the study. I asked students to choose their own pseudonyms; many chose the name of a brother or sister. one student (The Hobbit) chose the name of a character from one if his favorite books. Although his choice was somewhat unorthodox, I felt it was preferable to his first choice, Gandhi, and that it reflected something of that student's familiarity with writers of English. 3

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coming to the Question I began my research with the question: What does writing mean in this classroom? During the first few weeks of class, student writing was a focal point of the lessons. Sentences students wrote about the good teacher and-the good student formed the basis for a discussion of cultural expectations of teacher and student roles. Instead of worksheets, Mrs. Marshall used students' sentences about their weekends to teach a brief unit on sentence combining. After the first three weeks of class, student writing disappeared from view, and the class shifted into a routine of reading a short story, discussing it, and writing out the answers to questions about the story. The unit usually ended with a vocabulary test based on the reading. Sometimes students wrote papers a paragraph or more in length, which were tied to their reading, either thematically or stylistically. When classroom talk about student writing disappeared, I wondered what was being communicated 4

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to students about their writing. Such communication seemed to occur primarily through the comments and markings _Mrs. Marshall wrote on students' papers. Accordingly, I shifted my attention to Mrs. Marshall's written responses to students' texts as an indicator of her values for student writing. My original research question evolved into two more narrowly focused questions: 1. How does Mrs. Marshall respond to students' writing? 2. How do Mrs. Marshall's responses shape students' attitudes about writing? Choosing a Research Perspective Classrooms may be thought of as "small communities with cumulative histories, shared beliefs and rights, and responsibilities of membership" (Florio, 1979, p. 2). Within these communities, a context for writing evolves which, together with students' individual histories, beliefs, and expectations, shapes how students 5

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write, the purposes for which they write, and their perceptions of writing and themselves as writers. Qualitative methods have yielded rich portraits of numerous instructional contexts, exploring such varied phenomena as emergent literacy in young children (Dyson, 1984, 1987; Florio, 1979; Florio & Clark, 1982; Heath, 1983), supportive L2 classroom environments (Ammon, 1985), the complexity of teacher roles within a writing classroom (Dunn, Florio-Ruane, & Clark, 1985), the response techniques of successful writing teachers (Freedman, 1987), teachers' adaptations of process writing to their individual classrooms (Perl & Wilson, 1986), and the impact of classroom context on the development of writers' intuitions (Kantor, 1984). To gain a sense of the context which shaped the writing of Mrs. Marshall's students, I chose a naturalistic approach, incorporating such qualitative techniques as participant-observation and participant interviews. 6

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Data Collection Classroom observations. From the first day of class (August 25) until the week before finals (January 16), I attended Mrs. Marshall's class three days a week--Monday, Wednesday, and Friday (my schedule as a university composition instructor prevented me from attending the other days). Except for one week in September when students attended a special course, I was able to observe regularly throughout the sixteen-week semester. I audiotaped each class session I attended and also kept notes of my observations. However, my observations alone were insufficient in helping me build a view of the classroom from the perspective of the teacher and students and a sense of students' writing. Triangulation of data, the collection of data from a variety of sources and informants, became crucial to obtaining both individual participants' points of view and a comprehensive view of the phenomena under investigation. 7

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Classroom writing. As part of my data collection, I collected samples of students' writing. I limited my examination of student writing to those formal assignments which required students to generate a paragraph or more of original text. Typically, such assignments require students to make more decisions about writing than do shortanswer study questions (Langer & Applebee, 1987). I was able to collect class sets of four of the five major writing assignments during the fall semester: these papers included Mrs. Marshall's written responses to students' writing. In this paper I have elected to focus on the fourth major assignment .students wrote, a paper modelled on the writing of Edgar Allan Poe. In addition to these sets of student texts, I received copies of class handouts, the course evaluations students wrote for Mrs. Marshall, and students' final semester exams. Because journals were assessed solely on the basis of quantity (four half-page entries per week) rather than quality, I did not include student 8

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journals. I also did not wish to jeopardize private student-teacher communication some used the journal for. Mrs. Marshall's perspective. Some researchers (e.g., Florio & Clark, 1982; Perl & Wilson, have used teacher journals to gain teachers' perspectives of the classroom. Such journals valuable research tools because of their potential to encourage reflective thinking. Because they can be written at a time convenient to the teacher) they can also ease the burden of participating in a: research project. At my request, Mrs. kept a journal in which she recorded her i about the class and responded to specific I occasionally asked. I hoped that her i I would not only provide me with information for my research but also become a useful teaching reso:urce i for Mrs. Marshall. Interested readers will find excerpts from Mrs. Marshall's journal in Append[ix A. i Mrs. Marshall tried to be diligent in making regular entries, but as the semester continued,: her entries became more sparse. She noted in her 9

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journal, "I seem to be drying up as far as the journal writing goes. I'm always so busy writ1ng L material, creating workshops and doing committee i I work, etc., that it falls into a back seat category" (Appendix A, 11/13/90). In addition to the journal, I conducted one formal interview with Mrs. Marshall in October:as well as numerous informal interviews, brief conversations either in her office or over the, phone. Excerpts from my interviews with Mrs. Marshall may be found in Appendix B. Student perspectives. Because most class activities required either whole class or participation, my opportunities to talk with students in the classroom setting were limited.: Interviews outside classtime became my primary means of obtaining students' viewpoints. To obtain a pool of interview subjects, I sent home an informational letter about the project a permission slip at the bottom. I interviewedlonly I those students whose parents or guardians had 10

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permission for them to participate in the interview portion of the project. Initially, I interviewed eight one student dropped out because of lack of I interviewed students individually in the English Resource Center, generally during their free periods. Most interviews lasted approximately 45 minutes. With the exception of Mai whom I interviewed only twice, I interviewed students ;at least four times. In this paper, I have elected to profile four students who represent a spectrum of perceptions of teacher response and classroom values about writing. Readers will find edited transcripts of these student interviews in Appendix c. I tried to ask open-ended questions about students' experiences as writers both generally! and within Mrs. Marshall's classroom. Although I did not use an interview schedule, I generally began by asking students to tell me something about themselves and their use of their L1 and English. To profile the students as writers, I also explored 11

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students' values and attitudes about writing and themselves as writers. I Parts of my interviews with each student were based on the paper modelled on the writing of i Allan Poe, an assignment which students wrote in early November and which came to be known as 111ihe scary story." By this time, my research interest had narrowed to Mrs. Marshall's written to I student writing. Focusing on a specific assign.ment allowed me to explore students' perceptions of assignment and Mrs. Marshall's response within specific context. Talking about a specific assignment also facilitated students' ability to talk about their writing more critically. For example, asked classroom activities were most helpful to them as writers, students often responded that everything was helpful. Yet in speaking about the scary assignment, students often mentioned difficulty:in attending to both form and meaning when writing:and in retaining the ideas they wished to express. :As novice learners of English, students may have 12

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they had no authority to criticize teacher practice. Also many students came from cultures in which the authority of teachers and other adults is usually unquestioned. I delayed interviewing students until the second quarter for a variety of reasons. I wanted to allow students time to feel comfortable with the routine of a new school year and with me. I also wanted to allow students time to build some sense of Mrs. Marshall's expectations of their writing. Finally, the routine of .school seemed smoother during the second quarter; the first nine weeks of class included three school holidays and three days when Mrs. Marshall was absent. Researcher as classroom participant. In qualitative research, the researcher often functions as a participant-observer whose degree of active participation in the events of the community under study often varies throughout the course of the research project. In Mrs. Marshall's classroom, my presence in the classroom was most often that of observer. As a force in the classroom, I tried to 13

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remain as unobtrusive as possible in order to minimize the potential disruptiveness of my presence in class. I did not participate in any decisions about curriculum, and, except for four days when I taught in Mrs. Marshall's absence, I had no responsibility for student instruction. On the days I taught, I carried out Mrs. Marshall's lesson plans in the interest of instructional continuity. On the first day of class, I explained to the students that they would be my teachers as they taught me about their own experiences of learning to write in a second language. Although I saw myself primarily as a student in the classroom, as a native speaker of English I obviously could-not be a student in the same sense as the other students. I generally did not participate in class discussions and was not responsible for doing class assignments. I believe students saw me as a teacher, albeit a teacher who did not have authority to assign grades. Some students knew me from the times I had taught for Mrs. Marshall the year before, and during 14

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the semester I taught four class lessons in Mrs. Marshall's absence. I believe students came to see me as an auxiliary teacher, a resource person whom they could consult about a draft, some language issue, or the American school system. In the parlance of Britton, Burgess, Martin, McLeod, and Rosen (1975), I became a trusted adult, more interested in what students had to say than in judging them. For example, Mai shared with me her dismay over the lengthy test her physical education teacher gave, and The Hobbit quizzed me on how an American would phrase a certain expression while Jon was interested in knowing how he could learn "many slang words." Perspectives on the Teaching of Writing Basic to any study of school writing is an awareness of various approaches to the teaching of writing. The construct of writing which a teacher holds influences how writing is taught within her classroom, why her students write, and the roles of teacher and student. 15

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During much of the twentieth century, L1 writing instruction has been dominated by a product-centered approach, what Young (1978) terms "the current-traditional paradigm." Young lists the salient features of this paradigm as: the emphasis on the composed product rather than the composing process; the analysis of discourse into words, sentences, and paragraphs; the classification of discourse into description, narration, exposition, and argument; the strong concern with usage (syntax, spelling, punctuation) and with style (economy, clarity, emphasis); the preoccupation with the informal essay and the research paper; and so on. (p. 31) Basic to the traditional paradigm is the assumption that the composing process cannot be taught because composing "is a mysterious activity that cannot be categorized or analyzed (Hairston, 1982, p. 78). Such an assumption implies that competent writers already know what they want to say before they begin to write, and that a writer's chief task is to find a form in which to express her content. The teacher's instructional focus becomes the correction of texts as she assumes the role of copyeditor. 16

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Within the milieu of L2 composition, the traditional paradigm appears as a focus on grammatical and rhetorical form (Raimes, 1991; Silva, 1990). This focus seems to be an outgrowth of the dominance of the audiolingual method in twentieth-century second language instruction which held that speech is primary and that the purpose of writing is to practice the oral patterns of the language. In a form-dominated classroom, "each piece of writing serves as a vehicle for practicing and displaying grammatical, syntactic, and rhetorical forms" (Raimes, 1991, p. 413). The teacher functions as language expert and judge, roles which assign authority for students' writing to the teacher. Although these traditional paradigms are still current in both Ll and L2 practice (Langer & Applebee, 1987; Raimes, 1991; Silva, 1990), beginning with the 1960's, insights from Ll composition theory and research have altered the notion of writing to include both process and product. Within the writing-as-process paradigm, 17

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the focus of instruction shifts to the writer as language learner and the thinking strategies writers use to compose their texts. Langer and Applebee (1987) describe such process approaches as "marked by instructional sequences designed to help students think through and organize their ideas before writing and to rethink and revise their initial .drafts" (p. 6). Typical instructional practices include brainstorming, journal writing, small-group activities, teacher-student conferences, multiple drafts, and emphasis on students' ideas and experiences. This change in instructional focus requires teachers to assume a greater variety of roles as readers of students' texts (Purves, 1984)* shaping their responses to reflect concerns appropriate to the writer's progress through the writing process (Krest, 1988; McDonald, 1978). Instead of reading primarily to evaluate students' final drafts, the teacher intervenes throughout the writing process, providing formative feedback to help the writer shape her text to her meaning and purpose, 18

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frequently delaying concern with linguistic accuracy until the writer is close to a final draft. As {1990) and Raimes {1991) observe, the writing-as-process paradigm has met considerable resistance within the L2 composition community. Until the 1980s, there was little research into the composing processes and behaviors of L2 writers (Krapels, 1990). Form-dominated instructional approaches remain popular because they have the largest body of research to inform and support them, and they have been around a long time and lend themselves to empirical research design (Raimes, 1991, p. 409). Several factors constrain teachers' attempts to adapt the writing-as-process paradigm to their classrooms. such factors, some of which are beyond teachers' control, include state-and districtmandated testing, class size, paper load, and mandated textbooks and curricular materials (Langer & Applebee, 1987). students, accustomed to more traditional methods of instruction, may subvert teachers' efforts to 19

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implement new and unfamiliar instructional techniques (Brooke,1987; Zemelman & Daniels, 1988}. Changing one's paradigm of teaching also requires time and the willingness to revise instruction (Atwell, 1987). However, for many teachers, the greatest obstacle may be overcoming their own experiences as students in traditional writing classrooms (Zemelman & Daniels, 1988, p. 270}. The act of changing one's approach to teaching writing is far from straightforward. Rather, it appears to be a developmental process (Atwell, 1987), one in which teachers, without new models for evaluating student learning, may find themselves simply using new techniques for the same old instructional purposes (Langer & Applebee, 1987). Mrs. Marshall's practices revealed a teacher caught between conflicting paradigms of writing. Summary of Chapters The following chapters present the experience of writing in Mrs. Marshall's classroom through the voices and writings of teacher and students. 20

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Opening with a description of the school and the ESL program, Chapter 2 introduces the classroom and provides brief sketches of Mrs. Marshall and her students. Chapter 3 delineates the classroom context for writing by highlighting important themes in Mrs. Marshall's instruction. Through four student vignettes, Chapter 4 explores students' perceptions of the values articulated through Mrs. Marshall's responses to student writing. Chapter 5 explores the implications of Mrs. Marshall's style of response for her goals in writing instruction. 21

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CHAPTER 2 COMING TO BE: THE CREATION OF A COMMUNITY The School Along a section of the old Westway Trail sprawls Westway High School, one of four high schools in a suburban school district outside a large city in the western United States. Within the last twenty years, the prairie grasslands have surrendered to large tracts of what the home building industry calls "planned communities." Where settlers and gold seekers in the nineteenth century trekked toward hoped-for fortunes and new beginnings, weekday commuters now make the morning drive toward offices downtown or in outlying business parks. Their morning exodus leaves Westway the locus of neighborhood activity as students dash across the street for a quick smoke or a lunch hour foray to the nearby Like the surrounding homes, the school sits with its back to the main road. Visitors must turn 22

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on a side street and approach the school through the student parking lots. Small artificial berms and strategically planted trees partially shield the school from streetview. At ground level, narrow, slit-like windows punctuate the school's red brick walls. The effect is one of suburban privacy and insularity. Within the school, the atmosphere seems purposeful and businesslike. Students move through wide carpeted hallways that muffle the sound of their voices and movements. During classes the halls are generally empty; the few students one does see move purposefully on errands for a teacher or on their way to the library. Security guards patrol discreetly to ensure that halls around the classrooms remain safe from loitering students. At Westway, education is serious business. A comprehensive four-year high school, Westway offers its 2,200 students a variety of vocational and college prep courses. As a rule, 92% of Westway students graduate and 70% of them continue their education at colleges and universities. Recognized 23

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for its excellence by the United States Department of Education, the school recently initiated the International Baccalaureate program, an advanced two-year course of study in English, math, science, and social studies in which students are evaluated by a worldwide team of educators. But Westway's objectives for its students extend beyond students' academic education to include encouraging students to explore their potential through experiences outside the school, such as community service internships, career explorations, and travel and field studies. With a 13% minority student population (87% of students are white), Westway High strives to increase respect and appreciation for a diversity of individuals and ideas. This last commitment is especially significant to the international student population at Westway, a population which is itself diverse. As Mrs. Marshall describes it in her letter to new international students: Some are refugees, who come to the U.S.A. because of political problems in their 24

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countries, and some are immigrants, whose families have moved here for better opportunities. The third category of international students is the exchange students. These students are here to study for one year, and then will return to their countries. They usually live with American families or with relatives. (Appendix D) In 1990-91, 18 students were enrolled in English as a Second Language classes, and 18 students attended as exchange students. Although international students make up only a small percentage of the student body, their influence and presence are felt throughout the school. Prominently displayed on the broad beams arching over the two halls that serve as the school's major thoroughfares are the flags presented each year to the school by each foreign exchange student; the space beneath each flag lists the student's name and his or her year of attendance. Deanna Marshall, international student advisor and one of two English as a Second Language teachers on faculty, works hard to create opportunities for international students to assimilate into the school and become resources for the school community. such opportunities allow her also to act as an educator 25

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of all students, an important role in Mrs. Marshall's view. Before the school year begins, Mrs. Marshall sends new international students an informational letter about the school that also suggests how to make friends with American students. At the beginning of the year, the school welcomes new international students with an ice cream social. As members of a speakers bureau created by Mrs. Marshall, students speak to local schools and organizations throughout the year. Through the International student Club, sponsored by Mrs. Marshall, students attend various activities and visit local universities. In the spring, Mrs. Marshall coordinates World Awareness Week, a schoolwide event in which international students, as well as guest speakers and school faculty, present workshops and forums on topics of global concern. At the end of the school year, international students write profiles of each other to create their own yearbook. 26

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A Brief Profile of Mrs. Marshall Mrs. Marshall has served as ESL teacher and international student advisor at Westway High for the past seven years, earning during that time a master's degree in English as a Second Language. Before coming to Westway, she worked for a year as an ESL testing specialist for the district's elementary schools. Mrs. Marshall's previous teaching experience includes four years at the elementary level after her graduation from college in the early sixties. Throughout her employment at Westway, Mrs. Marshall has been active professionally. She has presented workshops and spoken to various teacher organizations about teaching American culture through language and literature and adapting materials for ESL students in mainstream classes. She has also served as guest lecturer for ESL teacher education classes at a local university and received several grants to support her activities with the students at Westway. Her teaching has been 27

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recognized by an award from the state organization of ESL teachers. Mrs. Marshall views her job as much more complex than her official job titles indicate. Her duties extend beyond those of a classroom teacher: It [my job] involves my functioning as an educator and counselor, as well as a psychologist, social worker and surrogate parent to the international students and their families. My job also entails being a translator, an English-speaking friend and a liason [sic] between the Immigration Department and the home .. However, this describes only one part of my professional responsibility. The other part is my role of educator-in-general for all students. (Appendix E) In Mrs. Marshall's view, her job is further complicated by the diversity in students' skill levels, the need to teach culture, and (in her own case) the demands of teaching reading and writing as one course. Early in the semester, she wrote in her journal: An ESL teacher does not get a class each year with an assumed level of proficiency in English. As is always evident, the students have differing skills and needs, and it is impossible to serve them in the way in which I would like. Having reading and writing in one class is another difficult challenge, because the students need an intensive dose of each of these subjects . but to really get into 28

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literature and discuss it, along with writing with a purpose and connection as well as learn writing skills and reading strategies is almost like attempting the impossible . Also, the culture of the school and the country are important aspects of a student's adjustment to the USA, and need to be covered. When important details are covered such as what to do, when, and where to go and whom to ask are known, the students' anxiety lessens somewhat. (Appendix A, 9/1/90) The ESL Program at Westway High At Westway High, English as a Second Language courses are offered as part of the regular curriculum and count as credits toward graduation. Besides an ESL American history class, the school offers two language courses, a grammar class and a reading and writing class. Most students enroll in both language courses. Each language course is offered at beginning and intermediate levels and typically includes students from all four high school grade levels and the adjacent middle school. Because the school offers a variety of basic skills English courses, most students are able to move into mainstream English classes within two years. Most students 29

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carry a full academic load in addition to their ESL classes. Placing Students in the ESL Program Before school starts, Mrs. Marshall meets with the new international students to determine whether they should be placed in ESL or mainstream English classes. The district makes preliminary recommendations for placement based on students' performance on the Gates-McGinitie reading test; however, responsibility for further assessment and final placement rests with Mrs. Marshall. Because the Gates-McGinitie test is not designed for nonnative speakers, Mrs. Marshall relies more heavily on her assessment of students' language abilities. Each student's evaluation generally takes about two hours as Mrs. Marshall assesses the student's listening, speaking, reading, and writing skills. As part of the evaluation session, Mrs. Marshall and the student take a walking tour of the school, after which Mrs. Marshall questions the student about what 30

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he has seen and heard. The walking tour helps create a more relaxed testing situation and also familiarizes the student with the school. In Mrs. Marshall's view, the purpose of the evaluation session is more than language assessment: I spend a lot of time with them on an individual basis in the beginning to make them feel comfortable and welcome because they've come from environments where there's a lot of testing I don't want to cut them off and say 'OK, that's all I need to see' when they haven't had a chance--in their way of doing it--to prove something. (Appendix B, 10/14/91) To assess students' writing competency, Mrs. Marshall collects a sample of their writing by having students write paragraph-length responses to one or more topics from a list of six topics designed to elicit a specific verb tense. For example, one topic asks students to write about a special time from their past (see Appendix F for a complete list of topics). For each student Mrs. Marshall chooses those topics that elicit verb tenses the student has not used in the other sections of the evaluation: "I start them at different places according to what I think is the 31

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area I haven't covered in the oral assessment or in reading or in discussion" (Appendix B, 10/14/91). Students' proficiency in listening and speaking and control of syntax and the past tense determine their placement in ESL I or II. Mrs. Marshall explains her criteria: If they're orally proficient and have fairly strong listening skills according to how I assess them and their past tense is a little bit weak but not totally, they're perfect candidates for ESL II because we start right in with the past tense. But if they don't know a lot of things, if they can't put a sentence together, even a simple sentence ... it's ESL I. (Appendix B, 10/14/91) The Classroom Location in Time and Space Like many secondary classroom communities, ESL II Reading and Writing existed for only a brief period each schoolday. Westway's bell schedule allotted 48 minutes for each class period, and, according to Westway time, ESL II Reading and Writing met each morning during fourth hour, from 10:17 to 11:05. 32

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Class met in Room 13, a classroom located on the first floor near the school's main office and the main entrance. Despite its location near one of the busiest points in the school, the classroom seemed almost sequestered. Interruptions from student messengers on school business were rare, and once the door closed at the beginning of class, any noise from the hallway was effectively stifled. Mini-blinds screened out the glare reflected from the student parking lot. Designed to hold at least forty students, the classroom at times seemed to dwarf the ESL class, which had a final enrollment of fifteen that semester. The class generally utilized only the front half of the classroom and, despite the presence of chalkboards which stretched across three walls, used only the chalkboard at the front of the room. Since Mrs. Marshall used the room only one period a day, in room decor and use of bulletin board space went to the other teacher using the classroom. Except for two shelves of free 33

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reading books and dictionaries for learners of English, there was little physical evidence of the ESL students' presence in the room. For much of the semester, collages created by the other teacher's students, depicting their ethnic heritages and the theme 11What is America?," dominated the room; only one ESL student found any vestige of his cultural identity in their work. The Students Diversity was the hallmark of the class. Among the fifteen students enrolled that fall, ten countries and ten Ll's were represented; most of the class (nine students) came from Asian countries. The class also represented a range in age from 13 to 19 years old and a range of grade levels from 7th through 12th grades. students also reflected varying degrees of experience with the school and American culture. Some had attended Westway as ESL I students the year before; Pawel transferred from another high school in the district; Jon and Shinobu transferred from 34

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other schools in the state: five were participants in exchange programs; Martina and The Hobbit had just arrived with their parents as their father began a year as visiting professor at a local university. Following are thumbnail sketches of the four focal students, based on the combined perceptions of the students, Mrs. Marshall, and me: The Hobbit. My nominee for president-elect of the Prague Circle of Linguists, this 17-year old czech often pondered how the same concept would be expressed in czech, British -English, and American English. In Mrs. Marshall's words, "His head is loaded with rules and formulae." He blamed his difficulty .with oral communication on his previous training in British English: "When I came here, I knew just British pronunciation, so nobody understood me." Jon. The class enjoyed 16-year old Jon's bewildered reaction at hearing that he had received a Principal's Award for outstanding achievment in math: "Award? Me? For what?" Mrs. Marshall characterized this Korean student as being primarily interested "in rules and in grammar." In his course evaluation, Jon wrote, "I have liked to learn something that we must use to make good writings, for instance, the con junction, powerful objectives [adjectives] 11 April. When April cut her shoulder-length hair in late October, the class received a mini-vocabulary lesson on "hairdo," "bangs," and 11bob.11 She admired the work of her fellow student Asli: 11When I read her story, I like 35

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it because I always make the mistake on the past tense, the past participle, but Asli have done this very good, so I always look at how's the participle used in the sentence." Mrs. Marshall felt April's errors with the past tense were the result of careless editing. Mai. In her native Vietnam, 13-year old Mai enjoyed reading. Since her arrival in the United States, that pleasurable activity has been curtailed by the scarcity of books written in Vietnamese and the difficulty of reading in English. Mai has never enjoyed writing, even in Vietnamese. Her sentiments about writing probably echo the views of many native speakers: "Because I have to! I have to write it and then I can get more grade, I can get an A or a B, then I can use it for my future, and that is why I have to do, but really I don't want to write." A Common Goal Despite the diversity of language and culture, students shared a common goal--to learn English. Hung, Pawel, and Jon might trade mock kung fu chops and kicks before class, but once class began, they were all business. Even if, like Monique, you were somewhat bored by the lesson, you did not disrupt class. All eyes focused on the teacher and there was little note-passing and side conversation. Asli even taped each day's class to review at home. 36

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Most students held aspirations for professional careers, careers that would require academic training beyond high school. They viewed English as critical to their success in reaching their goals. Jon wrote, "My goal is to learn English and master it ... But I don't master English quickly so I won't be able to go to a college." students also sensed the economic benefits of learning English. In Pawel's words, "If I want to work were pay a good money, I must speak very well, but if you don't speak very good, you be have worse job, and worse money." For some students, the primary motivation to learn English was social, the desire to form friendships and gain acceptance among their peers. Pawel wrote: I don't like to study this language, but I want to speak very good because I don't have any friends. A lot of boys have girlfriend, but I don't because, I don't know how to speak. American students laugh if I speak to them, because I have a difference accent and some words sound very funny to them. Even students who planned to return to their countries to complete their education mentioned the 37

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importance of English in their home countries where knowledge of English would ensure better employment opportunities. Asli, who returned to Turkey after graduation in January, expressed her goal for learning English: First of all, I came here because I really wanted to learn English because English is very important in my country. If you don't know English, they don't give any job, and that's why I really interested in learning English. These then were the individuals who came together to form the community of learners in Mrs. Marshall's classroom that semester. For most, their previous English instruction had occurred primarily within the context of form--basic sentence syntax and grammatical form. A description of the context Mrs. Marshall set for student writing is presented in Chapter 3. 38

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CHAPTER 3 SETTING THE CONTEXT FOR WRITING Settling In. Feeling at Home The first day of class, Mrs. Marshall wrote in her journal: At the first of the year, I feel it is important to make sure. the students know the ropes. Often their systems in their countries are so different from ours, and the confusion can be disrupting to their concentration and learning. Helping them understand what is expected and directing them on how to solve their own problems can be built into a language lesson. It can also quell their nervousness and save me from having to see the usual cue of students with tears and frustration outside my office during the first few weeks of school. (Appendix A, 8/27/90) For many of Mrs. Marshall's students, American schools presented an atmosphere much different than that of schools in their home countries. some students were accustomed to classrooms in which the teacher's authority was expressed through emotional and physical abuse. In Korea, Jon's teachers sometimes hit students with baseball bats or screwed their knuckles into students' temples. April's 39

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teacher in Malaysia ridiculed students: "She doesn't hit you, but she just laughing you. Yeah, make you feel stupid. So when you get a answer, you keep, you don't want to share because you always scare, you scare wrong in you" (Appendix c, April, 1/11/91, 46-50). Yoko wrote that the expectations for students differed from those in Japan: "[I]n Japan students don't talk in their class so many times. In America, students raise their hands and talk many times. I was confused. My head was a stone." students described Mrs. Marshall's classroom as a comfortable place in which to learn. To Asli, ESL class was like "an international family." April felt that Mrs. Marshall's friendliness helped make learning enjoyable: "The writing class is feel very relaxed to learn it because the teacher is gonna really a friendship, you can interchange, you're friends, enjoy then" (Appendix c, April, 1/11/91,36-39). Mrs. Marshall's efforts to build a supportive classroom atmosphere began with the first days of 40

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class. She asked students to introduce themselves by name and country, a practice she continued whenever a new student joined the classroom. She established a buddy system so that when students were absent, they could keep each other informed about classwork and assignments. 'She gave students her home phone number so they could contact her outside school hours when necessary. One of the first lessons focused on solving such common school problems as checking out books from the school library or getting help to unjam a locker. At the beginning of each class, Mrs. Marshall set aside time for students and teacher to share information about school and themselves. Asli described this time as "like warmup." These opening moments allowed Mrs. Marshall to tell students about school events they might be interested in--sign-ups for sports teams, homecoming week, sports events, or International Club meetings. Sometimes she also shared information about aspects of the school culture that students might be unfamiliar with, such as fire drills and Spirit Week. If a student spoke 41

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at another school or took an interesting trip, Mrs. Marshall invited her to tell the rest of the class about her experience. Mrs. Marshall believed comfort to also be an important element of writing instruction. Mrs. Marshall wrote: "[M]y goal in the first semester is for students to feel comfortable with their expressions in English and to let the fluidity flow. I want them to be able to let their thoughts come out without feeling 'hung up' over correctness" (Appendix A, 1/18/91). She saw fluency and students' confidence in their ability to communicate as important factors in students' growth as writers of English: "[A]t this time of year, fluency and the communicative ability is a confidence-builder and if the student is encouraged to write and be understood, he will quickly access our style and writing expectations" (Appendix A, 9/15/90). During the first weeks of class, students' written work involved writing lists of sentences about a subject, combining several sentences or phrases into one sentence, and answering questions 42

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about reading assignments. Mrs. Marshall often asked students to put their work on the board, and so student writing became a public part of the classroom. Besides creating a supportive learning environment, Mrs. Marshall used the first weeks of class to gain a clearer understanding of her students and their language ability. She did so through a unit on teacher and student roles: By having them write their ideas for what makes a good teacher and student, I clear up the cultural differences, and get an indication of thinking, background, expectations and writing ability. I think that it is important to establish a mutual understanding early in the year, since the students have such diverse backgrounds. (Appendix A, 1/18/91) An. early lesson on the qualities of a good teacher illustrates how Mrs. Marshall met both her need to find out more about her students' thinking and her desire to provide a comfortable medium for students' expression. August 31: Writing to Speak out For Friday's class the first week, each student wrote ten sentences about the qualities of a good 43

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teacher. Using Mrs. Marshall's suggested sentence opening, "A good teacher," each student put a sentence on the board for the class to read. In a sense, the class conducted two conversations that day, one on the board and one through oral conversation. As students examined their classmates' writing, the board became a forum for the expression of students' opinions. Functioning as conversational bids, the written sentences allowed all students a voice in the conversation about the good teacher, a safe means to participate. Most of the ideas expressed in students' sentences were conventional, and there was little debate about the ideas themselves. Instead, discussion centered on the meaning of words--precision of expression--as Mrs. Marshall probed to uncover what values students attached to such concepts as "patient" and "tolerant." The discussion also provided an opportunity for a mini-lesson in punctuation. Mrs. Marshall tells students, Right now, I want to know what you think a good teacher 44

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should be so I can be a good teacher for you and you have come from different countries where you have different ideas." The class turns its attention to the sentences on the board. Mrs. Marshall asks a student to read the first sentence: "A good teacher should be patient when one doesn't understand.n students then talk about what it means for a teacher to be patient: "not get angry, n "to wait, n 8not be nervous. n Mrs. Marshall asks students, "Do you find American teachers are usually patient?" The class answers yes. Mrs. Marshall asks if anyone knows the opposite of Asli supplies "impatient." The class moves to the next sentence: n A good teacher is always nice to students." Mrs. Marshall asks, "Yoko, what does 'nice' mean to you?" Yoko responds, "Good." The teacher asks the class, "What is a nice teacher? A pretty teacher?" Seeing some students nod their heads yes, Mrs. Marshall asks, "What if it's a man?" Getting no response, she supplies her own answer, "Helpful, patient," to which Asli adds, "Understanding." The next sentence--"a good teacher gives assignments"--provides an opportunity for a brief lesson in punctuation. Mrs. Marshall asks, "What's wrong with this sentence?" students point out that the writer bas forgotten to capitalize "A" and end the sentence with a period. They then discuss why assignments are important--for "practice, makes studying easier." Mrs. Marshall adds, "The teacher looks at them and decides what you need to do next." The class considers another sentence: "A good teacher must be tolerant." Mrs. Marshall asks The Hobbit to explain the word "tolerant" to the class. He responds, nWhat means? Don't yell when make mistakes. n Mrs. Marshall suggests students write "tolerant" in the vocabulary sections of their notebooks. 45

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Much of Mrs. Marshall's attention focused on specific words in students' sentences. I noticed that Mrs. Marshall frequently urged students to consider what they were saying. As with Yoko, she seemed to push students to provide specific illustrations of the quality being discussed. She also seemed to explore the range of students' vocabulary, to see if they were able to generate alternative phrasings or antonyms. September 5; Writing to Form In her classroom lessons, Mrs. Marshall's interest in students' writing quickly shifted from communication of ideas to practice with form. Such an early focus on structure seemed to conf-lict with her semester goal to encourage students "to let the fluidity flow." Mrs. Marshall's decision to present a series of lessons on sentence combining seemed not to grow out of students' writing but from her desire to explore the range of students' abilities. In her journal, she wrote: "I'll go over sentence combining using 46

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'and' and 'but' and three adjectives and the placement of commas, and see how that goes" A, 9/1/90). Mai later recalled sentence combining as one skill she had added to her knowledge as a writer that semester: "I know about the things, about the rules to combine the sentences" (Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, 12-14). For the first lesson, Mrs. Marshall recycled students' sentences from the lesson on the good teacher into a list of sentences to be combined. Mrs. Marshall passes out the exercise sheet of sentences and asks the class to choose three of the listed attributes. The class selects fair, friendly, and 0helpful." Mrs. Marshall tells the class, "We'll make one sentence with these three adjectives." Pawel immediately volunteers, "A good teacher is fair, friendly, and helpful.0 Mrs. Marshall asks the class for another set of adjectives from the sheet. She writes their suggestions--ntolerant,n Rfirm," and nstrictn--on the board and asks if these words are similar or different in meaning. OVer each word, she writes either a plus or minus sign according to whether the class feels the word describes a positive or negative quality. Students decide __ t.bese are all positive qualities. Mrs. Marshall tells them, nWhen meanings are similar, we can use 'and.'n After the class works through two more examples using nand,n Mrs. Marshall moves to sentence combining with nbut.n To illustrate 47

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how to combine dissimilar qualities, she writes the following phrases on the board: "expects homework on time, allows students to talk at the beginning, makes students pay attention when he's teaching." She tells students to turn their papers over and write a sentence that combines all three of these phrases. As students start to work, she reminds them, "If they're all similar, connect then with 'and:' if not, use 'but.'" She selects three students to put their sentences on the board. Only as the students are at the board does she tell the class, "This is called sentence combining, means to put together. When I combine my work, I put it all on the cart. n Mrs. Marshall assigns the sheet as homework and suggests that students write the following formula at the bottom of their papers to guide them: n __ __ and n Mrs. Marshall's decision to use language generated by students seemed to be a strength of the lesson since students were likely to be familiar with most of the vocabulary and expressions. However, the sentence combining activity remained bound within the context of an exercise. Mrs. Marshall never explained why one would want or need to know how to combine sentences other than for the purpose of completing the exercise at hand. As she later reflected in her journal, Mrs. Marshall herself sensed a difference between practicing a skill in an exercise and applying that 48

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skill in one's own writing: "I've just graded papers and see that the sentence combining is done well when it is in an exercise form. Now I have to get the students to combine sentences when they are writing" (Appendix A, 9/9/90). I wondered just how necessary the sentence combining lessons were in view of Mrs. Marshall's comments about students' writing that week: "I can see the growth in the way of getting back into writing this week 0 attempts to use new vocabulary, compound and complex sentences, and correct punctuation" (Appendix A, 9/7/90). It seemed that at least a number of students were capable or at least aware of how to use "and" and "but" to connect sentence elements. Writing Goes Undercover Within the first three weeks of class, concern with student writing shifted from writing as communication to-writing as practice of form. In both instances, student writing had been shared with 49

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the entire class as students put their sentences on the board. Now student writing disappeared from view. As the focus of classroom lessons, the work of professional writers replaced that of student writers. For the rest of the semester, the class shifted into a routine of reading a short story, discussing it, and writing out the answers to questions about the story. Students then took a vocabulary test based on the story and sometimes wrote a longer assignment tied to their reading, either thematically or stylistically. In Mai's words: You have to read, then discuss about the story, about the author, what the meaning of the--what the message the author give, and you can study what the meaning of that story or there's no meaning and discuss about it .. Writing, you have to answer the questions from the story that you read, and sometime you do the sentences, you all the while learn the new words. (Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, 24-32) This shift in focus reflected Mrs. Marshall's belief that writing was less important than other language skills in preparing students for the mainstream. She acknowledged that 11I sometimes feel 50

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that writing, per se, gets the short end of the stick, because in order to mainstream and hold one's own, a student needs so.much vocabulary and listening (notetaking) practice" (Appendix A, 9/11/90). Mrs. Marshall saw writing as secondary to reading but that reading could provide students with examples of writing techniques: Writing comes as an offshoot of reading. I take the reading topic and point out writing strategies from the text. What is the author's main point? How does he develop it? What are the details that support that? And then, when they are writing, I can ask the same questions. (Appendix A, 9/11/90) Mrs. Marshall believed that focusing on an author's techniques could also develop students' awareness of the qualities of good writing. She wrote, "Tossing in an author's strategies opens their eyes and raises their consciousness for what goes into good writing" (Appendix A, 9/15/90). Mrs. Marshall seemed to view reading and writing as discrete activities which overlapped very little. She expressed the pressure she felt of trying to deal with both reading and writing in the 51

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same class period: "[T]o really get into literature and discuss it, along with writing with a purpose and connection as well as learn writing skills and reading strategies is almost like attempting the impossible" (Appendix A, 9/1/90). students valued the class readings as sources of vocabulary and models of how to express one's self in English. For example, Jon felt that reading taught him "the writing style and grammar. We have different expression between English and Korean, so I can learn expression and write something" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 24-27). He believed that reading is the best way to learn how to write: "Read books, just, just read many books. I think that's the best way to learn how to write, I think" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 66-68). During the next six weeks, students wrote four major assignments, that is, assignments which required them to write and revise texts a paragraph or more in length. students usually received a writing assignment in the last ten to fifteen 52

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minutes of class and were expected to have a draft ready for the next class meeting. These assignments encompassed a variety of trpes of writing. The first two papers centered on students' personal experience as they wrote about their first impressions of Westway and described a Goliath, or obstacle, in their lives and how they would overcome it. The third assignment, a two-paragraph character analysis of the main characters in the movie El Norte, provided a brief exposure to analytical writing. The fourth assignment, the completion of a story prompt, required students to continue a narrative and emulate the style of Edgar Allan Poe. Writing for Much of Mrs. Marshall's instruction centered on word-level discourse, an emphasis evident in her focus on vocabulary, an emphasis that Mai described as "all the while learn the new words11 (Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, 31-32). As in the lesson on the good teacher, Mrs. Marshall's questions often probed 53

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students' understanding of words. When the class read a story, she often stopped to ask the meaning of a word or phrase and encouraged students to think of synonyms and more precise word choices. Her preoccupation with vocabulary was motivated by previous students' reports of what they had found useful in learning English: "[T]he kids always want _a lot of vocabulary, and unless you keep it coming through the reading, which I believe is the way to give it-to them, then they're going to get anxious that they're not learning enough words II (Appendix B, 10/15/92). Now her concern with words expanded to how students could use language to affect the reader. Mrs. Marshal1_began to encourage students to consider the importance of word c.hoice. This emphasis reflected Mrs. Marshall's definition of good writing: [A] good writer makes his point clearly, and the reader understands him. In other words, the message or point of the writing is stated in such a way that it communicates something to the audience; it makes an effect on the This, in turn, causes the reader to respond. He either continues to read, takes action by doing something, reacts to the emotional impact 54

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of thewriting, ponders, discusses, or writes about it himself. (Appendix A, 11/18/90) Class readings became not only sources of thematic material but also models of effective writing. October 1: Two Descriptions of a Giant The class began a thematic unit on challenge, a unit Mrs. Marshall chose because she wanted students toexamine "what they as students want from the year and of themselves .. [to] look at themselves and examine their goals" (Appendix A, 1/18/91). As their first activity, students read an adaptation of the David and Goliath story. Mrs. Marshall used the description of Goliath to direct students' attention to how an author can use words to create effective images. The class is reading noavid and Goliath" together. As they come to a portion of the story that describes the giant Goliath, Mrs. Marshall says, "We're going to look at tone and mood, the effect on a reader when we look at words. To demonstrate how words can create different effects, she presents contrasting descriptions of Goliath. First, she reads selected details from the description of Goliath in the story--"great warrior, n "giant, n 55

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"nine feet tall," "huge iron spear," "200 pounds." She asks the class, "What kind of mood or feeling do you get from these words?" students respond, "Scary, heavy." Mrs. Marshall then creates a less descriptive version: "There was this man who had a hat on. He was very tall. He carried a spear that was heavy." She asks, "Would you get the same mood, the same tone?" When the class answers no, she concludes, "So words are very important. Strong words make it interesting and give us the tone and the mood." Instead of exploring why the descriptions created different effects, Mrs. Marshall ended the discussion with students' mere acknowledgement of the difference. She did not pursue the difference in level of abstraction in the descriptions but characterized descriptive writing solely as a matter of word choice. She spoke of "strong words" but offered no criteria. October 5: Adding Color to the Language As students reviewed for a vocabulary-test over "David and Goliath," much of the discussion focused on the use of specific language. Students also practiced expanding sentences with adjectives, a task they would be expected to perform on the test. 56

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Mrs. reads, "David killed the beasts with his bare hands.11 She asks the class, "Can somebody say that sentence using different words for 'beasts' and 'bare'? Can somebody give me the sentence, another sentence with the same meaning?11 Pawel suggests substituting "animals" and "with only his hands. 11 Mrs. Marshall then asks if anyone can think of more specific words and the class suggests "lion" and "bear" as replacements for "animals.11 She then comments, "That language is more specific. It's more interesting to read If you're more specific, you give more color to the language or, in fact, to the reader." A few sentences later, Mrs. Marshall reads, 0David took his staff and sling and headed toward Goliath.0 She engages the class in a series of questions about the staff's appearance: Teacher: What does it look like? Is it short or tall? students: Tall. Teacher: Is it thick or thin? students: Thin. Teacher: Thick, it's pretty thick. What is it made of? Students: Wood. This dialogue allows Mrs. Marshall to move to her next objective, having students expand the sentence by adding adjectives: 00K, let's add some adjectives to 'staff,' OK?0 Together the class constructs the following sentence: 0David took his tall, thin, heavy, wooden staff and his homemade sling and headed toward big Goliath.0 As in the earlier lesson on Goliath, Mrs. Marshall seemed to encourage a view of descriptive writing as a matter of supplying adjectives, choosing the right word. Some students came to view 57

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adjectives as fundamental to one's ability to write well. Asli thought a deficient knowledge of adjectives contributed to her weakness as a writer: "I think I need some more word--adjectives--these are my weaknesses." Jon saw knowledge of adjectives as critical to one's writing ability; on his course evaluation he wrote: "I have liked to learn something that we must use to make good writings, for instance, the conjunction, powerful objectives .[adjectives]." April believed that learning to use adjectives had made her writing more interesting: [L]ike the beginning when I write my story, I just--'We have a sub today. Her name is Mrs. Ali. Duh-duh-duh'--like this--that's not interesting. And now I try to like this, like this say: 'Wehave a sub today and she's a woman from here and the style she teach and who has brown hair . we's just learn the adjeqtive like Mrs. Marshall, t just remember she said 'the stick,' then we learn 'a long, thin stick.' You don't have to say 'stick.' (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, S-131) october 29: Students of style Late october. According to Mrs. Marshall, 11it was time for Halloween and some Edgar Allan Poe. It was also time to study style from a famous writer" 58

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(Appendix A, 1/18/91). In Poe, Mrs. Marshall found the ideal medium for introducing students to a bit of American culture while teaching students about the importance of precise language. In Mrs. Marshall's words, students now turned to closely "examining writing from the effect created by the careful selection of words" (Appendix A, 11/7/90). Mrs. Marshall introduces "The Tell-Tale Heart"as an example of suspenseful literature: "Suspenseful--builds up, gets scarier and scarier until something happems." To illustrate the development of suspense, she draws a set of stairs on the blackboard. Mrs. Marshall Poe's writing in terms of his effect on the reader: "Edgar Allan Poe doesn't work so much on characterization so much as words, tone, and mood to create an effect. Effect--what's happening." She out that Poe achieves this by working.on readers' senses. She reads the opening passages: True, I am nervous--very nervous. I had been and I still am. But why do you say that Iam mad? I am not mad! The .sickness has sharpened my senses, not hurt them. Listen to my story! See how calmly I tell it! I am not a madman. Mrs. Marshall rereads the opening sentence and asks why the writer repeats the line about being nervous. A student responds, "To make it stronger." A few minutes later, Mrs. Marshall asks, "What kind of feeling do we get about the 59

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narrator? Students respond with a variety of. answers: "No one believes him because he says something." 11He's nervous." "Angry." Mrs. Marshall draws students' attention to Poe's use of punctuation to communicate emotion: "He's agitated. Look at the punctuation mark, exclamation mark." She draws an exclamation mark on the board. In this brief discussion of Poe's style, Mrs. Marshall focused on the repetition of words and use of punctuation to indicate the narrator's anxiety and nervousness. As she later reflected on this unit, she described what students had learned from reading Poe: 11They became aware of the use of pauses and dashes, plus repetition for effect II (Appendix A, 1/18/91). November 7: Writing the Scary Story To close the unit on Poe and writing for effect, Mrs. Marshall chose a writing prompt (Figure 3.1) which required students to emulate Poe's style: "The writing piece I plan to give them is creepy, scary and a good take-off point for lots of creative writing" (Appendix A, 11/1/90). 60

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Finish the following story in your own words. It was cold, unusually cold for that time of the year. The sun had set behind a wall of storm clouds, and the wind was beginning to move the tops of the trees. I was alone in the house. My parents had left to visit an old aunt who had suddenly been taken ill in a small town seven miles away. I got up from the table where I had been reading the newspaper. The telephone was in the hall. I'd phone my aunt's and see how she was. As I opened the door to the hall I felt a cold breath of wind on my neck. I turned. Had I _forgotten to close a window? No. The hall was in darkness. I put out my hand to turn on the light and then I felt it a warm breath on my cheek. The light in the room behind me suddenly went out. The _whole house was in darkness. I knew that somebody--something--was slowly, silently, moving across the hall toward me. Figure 3.1. The prompt the scary story assignment .. 61

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It's about twenty minutes before the end of class. Mrs. Marshall prepares students for the writing assignment by reviewing the qualities of Poe's writing. Discussion seems to dwell on Poe's selection of detail, which students express as using "many words," and his expressive use of punctuation. Mrs. Marshall opens with the question, nWhat did Poe do in his writing?" A student responds, 11He just didn't say-he use many words and make us want to read.11 Another adds, "He emphasized." Mrs. Marshall asks, 11How did he emphasize?11 "Used details--a lot of details." on the board Mis. Marshall writes the phrase 11a lot of details'' and says, "He described things with lots of words." April adds, 11He repeated words." Mai volunteers, "He used delays." Mrs. Marshall concurs, 11Nothing moved fast and that built up thesuspense.11 Another student suggests, "Dialoguing with himself." Mrs. Marshall reminds students, 11How about punctuation? What did he use?11 Getting no immediate response, sne answers her own question, "Exclamation marks, long dashes." Hung notes, "Time for the reader to catch on." "It's dragged out--makes you think," says Mrs. Marshall, amplifying Hung's observation. Mrs. Marshall passes out the writing assignment, the two-paragraph opening of a story students will be required to complete. After the students read silently through the passage, Mrs. Marshall asks, "What words did the author use? What makes us scary?" students offer various details from the passage: "Hall in darkness," "Alone in house," "Cold breath of wirid.11 Mrs. Marshall asks, "How about the temperature?11 and quotes from the text, "'Cold, unusually cold.'" She draws students' 62

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attention to the similarity to Poe's writing: 0See? There's that repetition; that repeating makes more of an effect." Mrs. Marshall now directs students to take out a separate sheet of paper and begin to jot down some ideas: 0Use your imagination. What is this somebody or something going to be? What's going to happen? What are you going to do? Try to create an effective piece with your senses, right now.n During the remaining seven minutes, students sit quietly, listening to a music tape Mrs. Marshall has brought to help create an eerie mood. Some appear to be rereading the prompt, others seem to be thinking, a few begin to write. As I listened to the discussion of style, I was struck by the reduction of style to the manipulation of language and punctuation. Writing for effect translated into the notion that one could insert excitement or suspense into a piece of writing through the use of exclamation marks and dashes. Descriptive writing could be achieved by choosing the appropriate word or stringing together a series of adjectives. Mrs. Marshall's discussion of effective writing continued her emphasis on word-level discourse. In her vision of writing, there appeared to be no place for larger rhetorical moves such as development or selection of detail. She described a class 63

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discussion on Poe: "We talked about Poe's popularity being his writing style, and went over the ways he used words and sentences to build suspense and mystery" (Appendix A, 11/1/90). Students reflected this atomistic notion of writing in their perceptions of good writing. As noted earlier, some students believed that adjectives were an essential element of powerful writing. Perhaps the epitome of this notion of writing was Jon's belief that he could resolve any difficulty in writing by using his dictionary: "I have no problem to write something. If I don't know something, I can use dictionary to write about it" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 52-54). Dueling Paradigms Within the space of a few weeks, I had seen disparate treatments of students' writing which reflected very different approaches to the teaching of writing. From an on writing as the communication of meaning, Mrs. Marshall moved rapidly to a concern witn writing as the practice of 64

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form. As the focus of classroom lessons, the works of professional writers soon replaced those of students. This tension between two competing paradigms of instruction appeared repeatedly throughout Mrs. Marshall's journal. At times Mrs. Marshall seemed to embrace two contradictory visions of writing. Some of her journal entries suggested a belief in the importance of students' self-expression, but concern with form was a recurring motif. For instance, Mrs. Marshall described.the purpose of students' writing as "the getting out of thoughts and ideas, and being able to be understood. I first want to establish a relationship with the students through their writing" (Appendix A, 1/18/91). However, her comments about students' writing often emphasized students' control of convention and form: Hung needs with run-on sentences. He tends to be very verbose in his writing, and forgets to punctuate. Loan's writing is usually grammatically correct, but it is dull. She rieeds some salt and pepper. Martina's writing is typical of what I usually see of European writing . present continuous phrases, lack of capitals, etc., and Yoko presents the short, stilted sentence syndrome. (Appendix A, 9/7/90) 65

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Although Mrs. Marshall claimed to value writing as a way to establish a relationship with students, her journal entries suggested that writing as communication was secondary to writing as the practice of form. Early in the semester, she contemplated having students write about themselves as writers (topics which, to my knowledge, she never used in the reading and writing class): Some of the topics for discussion andjor writing I am considering are: What good writing is; what a good composition is; where, when, and how they like to write; what they know about the English language and writing style as opposed to their own. (Appendix A, 9/1/90) Yet a few lines later, she wrote that these topics would allow students to use grammar skills she had been reviewing in the grammar class: These topics use the present and past tenses, which I am reviewing in the grammar class. I like to have a purpose and meaning for the lessons I plan, and want the students to be able to think about and immediately apply what they are learning in the way of skills. (Appendix A, 9/1/90) As Mrs. Marshall contemplated students' response to the Poe writing assignment, she wrote, 11I will be interested in seeing how they use 66

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adjectives, and where they place them in sentences . The writing piece I plan to give them is creepy, scary and a good take-off point for lots of creative writing" (Appendix A, 11/1/90). I wondered which weighed more heavily in her reading of students' papers--students' control of language forms or their use of language to express their creativity. Given the silence about writing in the classroom, I wondered what students thought Mrs. Marshall valued in their texts. Accordingly, I turned my attention to the students and their texts. 67

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CHAPTER 4 READING MRS. MARSHALL: STUDENT RESPONSE TO TEACHER RESPONSE For student writers, teacher response provides an understanding of teacher values, an understanding critical to students' success in school, if not their successful development as writers (Freedman, 1987, p. 78). Besides articulating teacher goals and expectations for students' writing, teacher response also shapes students' of themselves as writers and their beliefs and assumptions about the act of writing (e.g., Freedman, 1987; Gee, 1972; Hayes & Daiker, 1984; Zamel, 1990). L1 research indicates that students prefer 'specific and clear comments which-balance indications of what they have done well with suggested for improvement (Land & Evans, '1987; Lynch & Klemans, 1978; Smith, 1989) . However, studies of. t_eacher response suggest that teachers' responses are often general, offer no sense of :priority, and treat the text in contradictory ways--68

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as both a piece in process and a finished text (Butturff & Sommers, 1980; Searle & Dillon, 1980; Sommers, 1982). Teachers tend to focus their .responses on surface-level concerns (Searle & Dillon, 1980) and may judge students' texts by unstated criteria (Faigley, 1989: Sperling & Freedman, 1987). Within L2 contexts, studies of teacher have generally focused on comparing the effects of different types of treatment of error (e.g., Cardelle & Corne, 1981; Fathman & Whalley, 1990; Lalande, 1982; Semke, 1984). The few studies that have dealt with students' perceptions of teacher response indicate that many students desire feedback on the content of their texts as well as language errors and other surface-level concerns (Cohen, 1987; Cohen & Cavalcanti, 1990; Radecki & Swales, 1988). However, like their L1 counterparts, L2 teachers tend to respond to students' texts with vague or prescriptive comments that focus on grammar, mechanics, and other formal issues (Cohen, 1987; Zamel, 1985). Leki (1990) observes that the 69

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responses of L2 teachers may always be somewhat prescriptive "because L2 students have a smaller backlog of experience with English grammatical or rhetorical structure" (p. 59). Further complicating the act of teacher response is the presence within a single classroom of different, often conflicting, values and expectations about writing (e.g., Radecki & Swales, 1988). Teachers cannot assume that they and their students share the same beliefs and assumptions about.writing (Brooke, 1987; Cohen, 1987; Cohen & Cavalcanti, 1990; Zamel, 1990). Both L1 and L2 research indicate the significance of students' unique personal histories, beliefs, expectations, and perspectives in shaping students' experiences within the writing classroom and their beliefs about Writing and themselves as writers (Lucas, 1988; Ritchie, 1989; Zamel, 1990). Reading students' Texts: Mrs. Marshall's Goals and Expectations Unlike the classrooms studied by Freedman (1987) and Ritchie (1989) in which student writing 70

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was discussed openly and frequently, communication about student writing in Mrs. Marshall's classroom occurred primarily through her written feedback on students' papers. To understand the significance of Mrs. Marshall's response practices requires an awareness of the attitudes and behaviors Mrs. Marshall hoped to encourage in her response to -students' writing. Mrs. Marshall identified her semester goal for student writing as encouraging students' confidence .in their ability to effectively express themselves, "to let their thoughts come without feeling 'hung up' over -correctness" (Appendix A, 1/18/91). Of the objectives she set for her responses, two reflected her interest in strengthening students' ability to communicate through writing. First, Mrs. Marshall hoped to motivate students to think about their writing, to consider how they could enhance the effectiveness of their text: I want the students to be pushed to work hard to think about their writing, and to put some effort into choosing precise words that will create an effect. Because they are learning English and many words do not come to the fore, as is the case with a native speaker, 71

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I like to encourage them in a second draft to think of more graphic illustrations, etc. (Appendix A, 11/18/90) Secondly, as a reader of student texts, Mrs. Marshall wanted to establish the persona of an interested reader, focused on the content of students' writing rather than the form: "I want the students to feel that they are communicating with me as a reader, not the teacher . to write for a general audience one that will not give them a grade" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Through such a persona, she could communicate to students "that whatever they wrote was a good idea, .a clear image, a nice comparison, a good choice of words" (Appendix A, 11/18/90) and thus enhance students' self-esteem. Mrs. Marshall's final objective, alerting students to lapses in their control of grammatical forms studied in-their grammar class, seemed concerned more with students' demonstration of learning than with the communication of their ideas: "The third reason is to point out where a student has become lax in his use of the grammar that we have been studying" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). 72

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Mrs. Marshall saw this objective as secondary to encouraging students' enjoyment and confidence as writers: "I don't like to be too picky about linear writing or grammar in-the beginning. Instead, I like the students to enjoy writing, making their point, and creating some organization out of it" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Mrs. Marshall also had specific expectations for students' writing of the scary story assignment. She was concerned that students sustain the mood and narrative coherence of the piece: "I was hoping the students would read the first few sentences and carry on with the style of Poe or that writer and finish it. I was interested in whether or not they could keep the storyline going" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). She also expected students.to use effective imagery: "I also complimented those who used good figurative language (metaphors and similes) because I have made a point of showing them that visual imagery helps the reader see a picture of what the writer is communicating" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). 73

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Four Writers. Four Readers of Response students' perceptions and handling of Mrs. Marshall's responses became important resources in understanding which values Mrs. Marshall actually validated in students' writing. The following profiles provide a glimpse of how four students attempted to meet the task of writing and understand their teacher's expectations for themselves and their texts. Mai: Re-vision Beyond Proofreading At 13, Mai is among the youngest--and most serious--students in class. From her seat in the front row, she intently follows each lesson and responds thoughtfully when called on. Unlike some of her she consistently prepares assignments on time and follows Mrs. Marshall's instructions to save her writing assignments in a folder. Mai's family came from Vietnam 18 months ago, and Mai attended ESL classes at Westway last year. Two to three months before leaving Vietnam, Mai took 74

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English lessons from a tutor who came to her home three times a week. Mai describes the content of these lessons as basic, mostly grammar: She taught me about the verbs, like "eat--ate" and I mean, like "eat," "go," and all the irregular verb, just to know the words, and that is the verb, and she taught me about the past tense and she taught me how to use "me," "us," and something, but I f6rgot about it. I just remember the past tense and the present (Appertdix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 9-16) Mai describes herself as a reader, not a writer: 11I don't like to write, I like to read" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 326). In Vietnam, her home was filled with a variety of reading material: "[Y]ou know, in my country, my house, there is a lot, a lot of book and comic and news and the newspaper and the folktale" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 327-329). In the United States, her reading choices are much more limited: "At home in Vietnam, I read a lot, but here they don't have many books, many papers, or magazines, so I don't get to read a lot" (Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, 3-5). Now the limited availability of reading material in Vietnamese and the difficulty of reading in English have deprived Mai of her enjoyment of reading: 75

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"[Y]ou know now I not really like it because there is no book for me to read and the American book it's good, but it make me not really interest 'cause it hard" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 331-334). Not really a writer. Mai believes herself to be an unskilled writer, an image that she has held since she first learned to write: "Because when I was first grade until now, I'm not really good writer" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 47-48). When I ask Mai about her strengths as a writer, she replies that she has none. Mai finds little enjoyment in writing: "I don't really like writing, but if I have to, then I have to" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 31-32). Mai writes because success in school and beyond demands that she write: I have to write it and then I can get more grade, I can get an A or a B, then I can use it for my future, and that is why I have to do, but really I don't want to write. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 345-349) Despite her general dislike of writing, Mai -does enjoy some types of writing: "I like to write about, you know, some kind of story about folk tale, 76

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adventure" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 34-35.). Engagement in her writing enhances her fluency, her willingness to write a lengthier text: Sometime I like to do, then I write a whole paper or a whole a half a paper, but if I don't want to write, well, if you tell me to write a letter, that letter I will finish it in two year or one (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 26-30) To describe her composing process, Mai relies on terms often associated with the teaching of the short story. Teachers (including Mrs. Marshall) frequently speak of the conflict within a story, the struggle between two opposing forces. Mai believes that an author's choice of conflict determines whether a piece is interesting to read (Appendix C, Mai, 11/30/90, 41). As Mai works through successive drafts of an assignment, she retains the basic situation or conflict but often makes substantive changes in plot and dialogue: [If] I write a story and first time I make it with that problem and. how it end, then that-that the first draft, right?--and the second one, I will change all of them. But I will keep the conflict, but, you know, the acting and the thinking and what they do, I will change it. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 58-64) 77

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For Mai, composing a first draft seems to be a matter of writing down her thoughts as they come to her. Because she knows she will have an opportunity to write a second draft, she does not edit her first draft for grammar. Mai explains, "I just get it and then I just write out. When I turn it in, I know it will be, she will let me do it another time .. I just think of something, then I write it down11 (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 85-91). Getting her thoughts on paper is sometimes an arduous task for Mai. She sometimes finds it difficult to keep track of all the ideas she wishes to express: I have a lot of thing in my mind, but I can't get it out. You know, sometime I writing my homework about, writing homework. I thought about it and then about one or two second_and then I forgot about it and I just start again, so that's why I really hate it. I don't know why, most of the time I have an idea, then two or three minute then I forgot it. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 48-55) Mai's composing process is marked by a simultaneous concern with generating ideas and the forms in which to express those ideas. Mai perceives that the lack of words and forms to fit 78

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her ideas sometimes hinder her ability to write: "[W]hen I can't find the word, the way use the word, so I can't think it out anymore" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 281-282). Mai does not believe that she has changed very much as a writer this semester. She describes what she has learned about writing during this time: "I think [I write] the same, but I know about the things, about the rules to combine the sentences or like the literary terms, I know more about that, but about the writing I don't know" .(Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, 12-16). Despite Mai's belief that she is not a good writer, she seems to be developing a sensitivity for style in English. In one of our interviews, she comments on the excessive repetition in a blackboard composition the class composed that day: "Do you know like last period in the class, they say many 'in.' I don't think that's very good idea at all because if you in Russia, in the labor camp in Soviet Arabia [sic], it repeat 'in' a lot" (Appendix C, Mai, 11/30/90, 135-139). As we shall see in her 79

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handling of the scary story assignment, Mai also displays the confidence in herself as a writer necessary to make substantial changes in her texts. Shaping the scary story. To Mai, this writing assignment seemed to be just that--a writing assignment. Talking about the assignment she said, "Well, it's not really the thing that I like to write (Appendix C, Mai, 11/30/90, 272-273). Despite this seeming lack of engagement with the assignment, Mai's account of her drafting of the scary story reflects her attempts to address a number of constraints on her writing: the demands of the assignment, Mai's values about writing, and Mrs. Marshall's values as perceived by Mai and as reflected in her responses to Mai's drafts. In Mai's view, the demands of the scary story assignment included maintaining the continuity and coherence of the narrative. Mai says, "I just write out and just keep it correct with the first one [the prompt] where it end11 (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 156-158). She also explains her concern about organizing the narrative coherently: 80

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If I give you these sentences, I think it's good, but which way I have to put it in? Like you telling "I'm thirteen years old," then "I'm from Vietnam," then you know you like jump, like you give this one and then you go to another one, like if you, like you have to continue the second one, but you jump to the first one again. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 160-168) Mai believes that Mrs. Marshall wants students to include detail in their writing, to "put some art in there" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 108). on Mai's first draft (Figure 4.1), Mrs. Marshall wrote the following comment: "What did it look like?" Her comment is vague and could refer to either the ghost or the kitty in Mai's story. Mai interprets the comment as a reference to the ghost in her story. Mai explains: [L]ike I jump into the bed and turn on the light, I do that, that is a art, right? So what I need, I know about when I write about a ghost, I talk about that, but I didn't really tell the reader about what does it look like, I just have it's short and that's all I say. I know I have to, but I don't really like writing, so kind of lazy work on that. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 110-117) However, Mai also notes that, contrary to Mrs. Marshall's comment, she has included some details 81

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.. a.-1.ourJ. ... io .see ..L.lil1ai. ... wa..:, i-t a. -{ltom_.i.\e.. k;;-J., en_ r.I .. st.arl.ed -to. {ee./ . --.lueJI tualked so .. yeh ... wexe w,cl, ____ ... 1 .. ji.Otn .... orJ. __ a.Jcou _____ __ tc.oout. .. be.GW!s.e. __ I_kneiAL .someone_g_Jt...._som.e.tltio -r. --r I to . I I 1 .. ---1.n _mj . __ h_ea;zd_ C.. . I10ise in __ .:.iJJC I. i . t -r t I 1-> ':> f/) . --Some .. ... 1.11 I(.OOlll-......J..,_SClMJ_...J_ ..... ___ ... L __ ;.T.\ ___ t;IL! .. .. __ .a._l./_li!XJ.j _r, i_c.t ... ____ .{;a.Jilij._.in.. __ lllh.en.e we \ive& ... .is. _.o_.m:c.e.. .. nej;/.'>----hcoJ, oo . h) l.n .J),;Jl .. gos-1 ou.t;O-?' _a.bout.1 .Sf\___ s.talr.-1-ecf -to .f.e:_d coo/<';e(} and_wo11dz..__. I VJOnde;;.ecf. /,{e tj,'j!./,e ;._, _me. last I si.tuted io {allow .J:f. ""go-:;-f "''] .. : sca:ce 'gost:..C.,"'t.: .. :o .ll'j lie:c.-1fl J.:.(,e,,_l. l:Jrr:O.b:
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about the ghost's appearance: "But I have some, you know, here to go with really, so I say that" (Appendix C, Mai, 11/30/90, 242-243). Unlike many of her classmates who limited their revisions to inserting the teacher's corrections, Mai substantially altered the content as she rewrote: "I will add, get some acting and thinking of that person, the character that I wrote, out" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 99-101). For example, Mai revised the actions of the narrator (with whom she identified) to more accurately reflect her self-image. In her second draft (Figure 4.2), the narrator turns on the light and confronts the ghost, but, in the third draft (Figure 4.3), the narrator turns the light off so the ghost can't see her. Mai explains the reason for this change: Because if I think--you know why did I change it? I change it because it not really matching it. Because if I will see the ghost, I don't have the courages to stand up and grab him, I don't I really don't. Whatever he look like or whatever it look like, I'm not. So that's why I put "I turned the lighting down,11 so it will match with the way I am. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 219-226) 83

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1 J {Wcned Motmol qu;d.{J ;o see wM i-t S 1 heaJrcl ... a comes -tJ,e kitchen 1 :i-fQ)(ted -ic .:.),aLe. J r.oa.lh.ed soslow'.J ancf qu;etL:J -to ... .T.:f..wc.ned. 011 -tlt.e. L;?Jh-1 c1nd ond loot ." mcound .. ,bQ.cau:se._-:f. .. hnel.AJ. some.-tltl'(J on:... !>Omecine. i5 .{bt -lrle.1 I jvrr7peJ .lu-+o nit} bed qulckl3yand 1 hod ja ,'n. in,J. hancf Once a; noise ; c.arne JlcQm paJ-C.enfs 'heJ. Jcoom J'(i). en :I -tJct..m -de-Llf1h he:QiL!se. -che. U8f1f switc/1 i5 necvz: "":lf a I ;I 1{ 7 Liglr+ Je rJ'10sf .D( .tuo?t he able to .;5ee 111e. Suclden! vorneA),;r:5 jump #j. In-to rne. J I 51rabb9l1t -t.l1en LiB'f1t on.. I-t ; ril!j io.tS 7 -t-i-1 : WCl6 o ptce+ty lIttle l-
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Accommodating Mrs. Marshall's responses. Mai attends to most of Mrs. Marshall's feedback: "Most of the thing I pay attention" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 329). She tries to use Mrs. Marshall's responses to revise her drafts: If I have a comment, then Ihave to check over --"Let's see what she tell me, what do I need" --so I add some of them in, then write a second one, then turn it in, and see how it was, and if it nothing, then I will write the final. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 188-192) Mai views Mrs. Marshall's responses as indicators of the mistakes in her writing: "I read the comment and what the red or blue pen, whatever is the matter my paper" (Appendix c, Mai, 1/14/91, Mai values Mrs. Marshall's feedback because she believes herself incapable of detecting her own errors: "I know I make it wrong, but I don't know how to make it out. I don't know how to write right" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 303-304). She perceives that most of her mistakes involve errors in grammar: "[G]rammar and verbs is the most mistake I made" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 306-307). 85

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Fiuish tlu: jollo111i11g story ill J'OIIr Oh'll II was cold, unusually cold (or tim.: o( th.: yc:ar. Tltc sun had s-=1 b.:hind wall ol storm clouds, the: wind bc:a;innin;: to move: th.: tops o.th.: uecs. I was in the: house. My parents had left to visil an old who had suddc:nly bc:en taken ill in a town sc:ven miles away. I got up from the l:!ble where I had the nc:wspapu. Tltc: telephone w:Js in the haU. I'd phone my aunt's and see how she wa;. As I opc:nc:d dtc door to the: hall I 1..:11 a .:old llrc:ath o( wind on my I lurn.:J. tt .. J I torgo11.:n to close a window"! No. The: hall was in Jarkn.:ss. I put out my hand to tum on the ... antl then I (.:It it ... a warm br.:ad1 on my .:h.:ck. Tho: li;;ht in th.: room behind me went out. hous.: was in J:uknc:ss. I knew th:1t somcuody-som.:thin;-was slowly, silently, moving a.:ros.s th.: tow:Jrd me. ............ Jc ..... ...... . -. ...... ...... 'Figure 4. 3. Mai's final draft of her scary story. 86

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When Mai rereads a text to which Mrs. Marshall has responded, she tends to read only Mrs. Marshall's emendations: "I just see red mark and so because the story I wrote I know it, a lot about it, so I just see the mistake that I made" (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 197-199). Reading the text in this way focuses Mai's attention on the mistakes in her writing. Mrs. Marshall's responses to Mai's drafts of the scary story assignment center on two issues: Mai's omission of text in her revision of her first draft and Mai's linguistic errors. In her first draft, Mai devotes several sentences to the narrator's musings about why the ghost has chosen to appear in her house. Mai's omission of these sentences in her second draft prompts Mrs. Marshall to comment, "You worked on the verbs, but also deleted some good sentences. can you show me some sentences from the 1st draft that you could use in the 2nd draft also?" Mrs. Marshall does not specify why Mai should consider including these sentences in her third 87

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draft nor does her commentary offer any clue to her standards for "good sentences." Mrs. Marshall's request seems to appropriate Mai's text for some reason known only to Mrs. Marshall. Mai interprets Mrs. Marshall's request as an indication that her changes in the text are somehow wrong: [Y]ou know, I let out some few sentences, then I show her, and then on this one [the third draft], I put some of the first one, but, you know, I use the first, first draft sentences, I put in, but I change it a little bit, and then maybe it wrong, then I have to go back to the first one and put in my final one. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 248-254) Mai's inclusion of the omitted sentences in her third draft is rewarded by Mrs. Marshall's comments: "Nice revision. Keep up the good work." Although Mai's omission of text triggers Mrs. Marshall's request for a third draft, the greatest volume of Mrs. Marshall's feedback concerns errors in language and mechanics. For instance, on Mai's first draft, Mrs. Marshall marks 14 errors in Mai's text, and two of her three comments concern issues of form--the spelling of "ghost" and the directive "Check ALL your verbs." 88

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In her second draft, Mai attends to some of Mrs. Marshall's concerns. For example, she corrects the spelling of "ghost" and attempts to correct the tense of some of the verbs. However, many of Mrs. Marshall's in-text markings become irrelevant because Mai omits much of her original text as she rewrites. Although Mai incorporates some of Mrs. Marshall's feedback about her linguistic errors, she seems to view the in-text markings and Mrs. Marshall's reminder to check her verbs as somewhat superfluous. According to Mai, she doesn't even read through all of Mrs. Marshall's in-text markings. She knows what she has written and expects to address surface issues in her revision: I don't go through that [the in-text markings on her first draft]. I remember what I wrote, so I didn't look at it when I write the second one, I don't. I just said "I turned"--it already in my mind, the verb, so I don't need it, so she say, "Just check over your verbs," I have the main idea, so I didn't need the verbs. (Appendix c, Mai, 11/30/90, 232-237) Mrs. Marshall's comment about her verbs simply tells her what she already knows: "Well, I know that before I turn it in, so that's why I don't need to 89

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very get upset about it, I really don't" (Appendix c, Mai,ll/30/90, 264-266). Summary: Differing agendas. In many ways, Mai demonstrates the responsibility for her writing that Mrs. Marshall hopes to encourage in students. Mai's exercise of her authority as a writer includes substantial revision of her text in which much of the original language changes as she revises characters' actions to match her intentions. For Mai, text is fluid and changeable. By contrast, Mrs. Marshall focuses her response on Mai's errors in language, a practice which implies a view of text as fixed and final and defines revision as the correction of error. Because much of Mai's actual text changes, much of Mrs. Marshall's response becomes irrelevant. Despite her goal of encouraging students' responsibility for their writing, Mrs. Marshall's directive style of response co-opts Mai's control of her text, even to the point of relieving Mai of the role as 90

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Although Mrs. Marshall wants students to write without being concerned about correctness, her response style encourages Mai to focus on the errors in her text. Indeed, Mai seems to rely on Mrs. Marshall to identify what's wrong and what's right in her writing. The Hobbit: Lost in Language The Hobbit and his younger sister, Martina, arrived from Czechoslovakia with their parents the week that school began. For The Hobbit, his father's decision to accept a visiting professorship meant not only separation from his friends but the disruption of his education. Much of this 17-year old czech's identity centers on his image of himself as a superior student. In Czechoslovakia, The Hobbit attended a high school "for advanced students, the. top" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 160-161). Accustomed to being surrounded by classmates with attitudes and values similar to his own, he found it difficult to choose friends here: "You chose your 91

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friends maybe because they were in the same classes. You're looking for similarities. It's harder than in Czechoslovakia. Here, some people were jerks, and you didn't know11 (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 164-167). A speaker of czech and Russian, he views himself as capable of communicating with almost all of Eastern Europe: 11I can understand almost all people in Eastern Europe because languages are similar11 (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 6-8). Accustomed to receiving A's for his writing, he also sees himself as a skilled writer, able to exploit the expressive capacity of his language: "I have many range of Czech words. I use many kind of words to describe something" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 43-44). Despite three years of English classes back home, The Hobbit found himself overwhelmed by the demands of an English-speaking culture when he first arrived: I'm gonna tell you one of my tales. Before I got here, I had learned English for three years or so. After I had learned all this, I knew I was going to go to the United States. I didn't 92

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take it too serious. I thought I could express myself. I was surprised at other people were speaking English. To my surprise, when I got here--Gosh! I have to speak in English! I couldn't stand--you turn on TV, radio-everybody speaks English. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 81-94) His attendance at Westway has forced The Hobbit to delay his university entrance exams for a year, and he worries that he is falling behind in preparing for these exams: "Everything depends on what have you learned, so I have to know what was going on in the high school. So when I'm now, right now, in the United states, I'm starting dropping my knowledge" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/28/90, 16-21). In addition to his regular coursework at Westway, he studies books that he has brought with him from Czechoslovakia. The Hobbit as writer. The Hobbit's notion of writing includes more than the manipulation of grammatical forms. He recalls Czech author Pavel Kohout's account of his writing process: He actually wrote a note about his writing. When he writes something, first he makes notes, put it together, then he reads it over, cut unimportant parts, and then writes again. This he does three or four times. For example, he's got eleven pages of writing, cuts unimportant 93

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parts, has three pages. If it still says what it's got to say, then it's good writing. About the book, he wrote it seven times before it had the final shape and it was good. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 19-29) In his own writing, The Hobbit begins by getting his thoughts down on paper and then refining his text. He explains: Just writing down what I'm thinking, what I want to write, and then it's my first draft, and then I look at that and say, 'This is bad," I cut, cut it off, and maybe some more moving sentences. That's it, and the result of it is second draft. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/28/90, 34-39) He is concerned with communicating clearly with his readers: When I usually write, I think about what will the reader say about the writing. When writing a sentence, I'm trying to formulate sentence so the reader will get feeling I want him to get out of it. I want to know what he's going to say. It may seem funny to me but not to the reader. If it says something to me, it must say something to the reader. I check it to mean the same thing. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 8-16) As he revises, he checks first for meaning, then style, and finally for grammatical errors: First I read it over. If it makes sense to me. Some parts are confused, I do it again, read it again. Some formulations, some phrases I might not like. Writing has to have same style from first page to the last one. Then I check this, 94

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then I correct mistakes. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 31-37) The Hobbit believes good writing keeps "the reader's attention. It has to be short, as short as possible to explain what you want to explain. If it goes on and on, it gets boring, and it doesn't say too much" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 2-6). He also believes that expression of the writer's individuality is a critical element of style: 'I've seen it many a year'--like a poet--'I've seen it many a time'--these little differences make the style. Writing has to have its own style. When you see writing, you can tell whose writing it is. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 37-41) The notion of writing as a means of individual expression figures prominently in The Hobbit's description of the kind of writing he likes to do: I like to use my own images. I like to create a new world like J.R.R. Tolkien in which I can live and live it as I want, as if it were real. I would write about what's on my mind in a given situation, at a given time. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 51-55) He finds his inability to adequately express himself in English frustrating: When I came to the United states and I had to say, had to what I thought and what I wanted to say exactly, it's impossible because I couldn't 95

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say everything I wanted to. You know, it's impossible. I didn't as much words and practice in English wasn't very good. It's impossible to say everything I wanted. (Appendix C, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 31-37) For The Hobbit, successful school writing depends greatly on his engagement with the topic: "Just, just when I get the paper, I look at that what is written on the top and see what I'm supposed to talk about, to write about, then I could say it would be bad, it would be OK". (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/28/90, 33-37). His engagement with the topic affects how much effort he is willing to invest in his writing: I don't have that much patience. I would have to have the joy of it. If I got bored, I would just let it go. I guess if !.were to write a long writing, it would have to be a really serious problem or maybe something !_wanted to share with others. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 58-63) He expresses little serise of joy about the class writing assignments: "[I] just look at this thing I have to do, and I'm doing it" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 1/9/91, 72-73). Writing in English: A loss of self. Although he describes his previous knowledge of English as 96

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limited, The Hobbit's experience with written English, unlike that of many of his classmates, extended beyond recitation and grammar exercises. His Czech English teacher gave the class brief reading assignments: "Just short articles, articles that were made up by an author. The article's one page long--maximum" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 129-131). students wrote short assignments that required them to compose original text. The Hobbit explains: "Writing--like five sentences every class--describe a room, to say what you did on your holiday vacation--not very important" (Appendix C, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 115-118). He offers an example of the sort of writing he did: "'The room is green and on left border hangs a picture of my father. The wall was white. There was carpet on the floor and the carpet was a little wore out'-very short and simple" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 120-124). Despite his limited experience with English, The Hobbit believes his English skills are sometimes superior to those of native users. His strengths 97

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include a command of punctuation and spelling: "I think I don't have mostly some problems with punctuation. Maybe--! have seen guys, some American guys, who didn't know how to write words--and I know that" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 172-175). He attributes these strengths to the emphasis on written English in his czech English classes: "When I start with English, I start with written English, so remember words, written words" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 177-179). The Hobbit describes his growth as a writer of English this semester in terms of an increased vocabulary and ability to express himself: "Starting to use new word, new words, and starting to make my writing better for readers, making more interesting, more--better style" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 1/9/91, 5-8). However, The Hobbit feels uncertain about his control of this expanded vocabulary: I'd say I'm using more words like than I did it before because just--! was using words just, just the words I knew well . Now I'm using words--! don't know if they're right, if they're, you know, if they're exactly what it is. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 1/9/91, 14-19) 98

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Despite this perceived growth in English, writing remains an uncomfortable, discouraging task. The Hobbit says: "I didn't enjoy writing in English" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 246). He believes that Mrs. Marshall probably wanted to tell him, "'Wrap it up and leave it alone--forget writing--you're not going to be a writer'" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 244-245). Writing in English chalienged his perception of himself and forced him to assume a new identity, one that he felt was false and debasing. He sensed a loss of precision in his writing, an inability to express his thoughts, the opposite of what Mrs. Marshall hoped to achieve in her lessons on "David and Goliath" and ''The Tell-Tale Heart." The Hobbit sums up what he has learned about writing in English: You have to write what you can. I mean, just don't try to be more specific. You have to go around and 'round. You can't write what you want to write in your own language. You have to try to explain what you want in simple, change yourself, be a simple person. It gets you down, it puts you down a bit. It makes you be a different person, on a lower level than what you had experienced before. You gotta 99

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lie. It sounds a bit funny, a bit off. (Appendix C, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 67-77). The scary story: A limited engagement. The Hobbit found the scary story assignment more satisfying than earlier assignments. Part of his satisfaction stems from an increased ability to fit his words to his meaning: "I can describe exactly what I'm feeling, this main point, this discuss" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 39-41). However, his satisfaction seems half-hearted: "[W]hat I wrote before, I didn't enjoy that, so maybe I did enjoy this better than these ones" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 131-133). His satisfaction seems to result more from the timing of the assignment than from the nature of the assignment: "[W]hen I wrote this, I had been there for two month, so it was better than if I had done that when I come, when I was coming, just when I came here" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 138-141). The Hobbit valued the experience of composing the scary story assignment because he felt more capable of expressing himself at that point in the semester. Yet he limited the opportunity for self100

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expression by waiting until a few minutes before class to dash off a first draft; he confesses, "I did that [the first draft] in the rest between periods" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 62). This rushed effort resulted in a barren, undeveloped text which The Hobbit described as "like trees with cutting off the branches" (Appendix C, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 188-189). Mrs. Marshall's response: Reading the notices and following directions. The Hobbit believes the purpose of teacher response is to "help me recognize my mistakes and maybe that I know that what I write was right" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 69-70). Such response helps him to clarify meaning as he revises: "Maybe what I written and the teacher doesn't understand something I wrote, so I can change it, I can better explain it" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 74-76). The Hobbit tries to use Mrs. Marshall's feedback to revise his drafts: "I try. I would write to satisfy her. I would follow the notes she had given me" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 224101

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225). However, there is an element of resistance in his acceptance of Mrs. Marshall's feedback: If I didn't like it, I would just do it. Depends on how I feel when I'm doing. Sometimes I get angry at the teacher, I didn't like his--her--comments, I would just change some things. Maybe if I liked the comments, I'd said, "Maybe I didn't do this right." Sometimes I looked at the comments, maybe that's right, I don't like. Maybe another day, she's right, I gotta change it. Maybe I like the way I did it. Another day--yeah, she's right. I don't like doing it. (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 225-236) Some of his ambivalence may stem from his confusion and uncertainty about Mrs. Marshall's expectations of students' writing. The Hobbit says, "Sometimes I have no idea what's the point of her questions" (Appendix C, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 51-52). In his opinion, "[Y]ou don't exactly know what you should expect from her . She didn't give you much clues to get inside her minds" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 210-214). He ventures a guess at Mrs. Marshall's expectations of students' writing: "I think she valued the meaning most. I'd say she wanted everything to be organized properly. It had to make sense, then the grammar, 102

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then the vocabulary--choosing the right word" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 6/29/91, 212-217). Mai, The Hobbit tends to read only Mrs. Marshall's emendations when he reads a text to which Mrs. Marshall has responded. He rereads the entire draft only when he doesn't remember what he has written: "If I don't know what I wrote, so I read it, and I read all again" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 158-159). Thus the act of rereading his text often becomes the reading of error. Awareness of error characterizes The Hobbit's impression of Mrs. Marshall's responses to his first draft of the scary story (Figure 4.4). He says: "I look first when I get this one back, I look at the notices from Mrs. Marshall. I saw and when I got this, I saw the piece many corrections" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 81-84). And, indeed, Mrs. Marshall's feedback does center on the deficiencies in his text, primarily the mistakes in language. She marks 12 in-text _errors, and of her seven comments, only one provides positive feedback. The 103

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J II W:l!i .:old. .:ol.J ior lh:al lime= oi 111.: y.::ar .. Tit.: sun h:aoJ sc:1 b.:hin.J oi s1orm clouds, lh.: wintl W:l!i h> move lh.: lOps uith.! ICi. I w:as :lion.: in lhc: house. t.ly p:u-c:nts left 10 visil :an ol<.l aun1 who h:ltl su.Jd.:nly bc:.:n 1:1kc:n ill in Sro;lll town Sc:Vc:n mil.:s [ go1 up from lh.: l:lb_lc whc=rc I been rc::1.Jin;; lhc nc:wsp:1pcr. Tltc: lclcphon.: W:LS in the l'tl phone: my aum's :m.J sec how she wiiS. As I epcn.:d lhc= Jeer 10 lh.: hall I icll :a .:oi.J brc::allt ui winJ o>n my n.:.:k. I turncJ. ll:a.J I forgonc:n 10 close: :1 winJo>w"! Nu. The hall w:as in o.J:arkness; I pu1 oul my h:1nd to IUm on lhc= li!:lll ... :and thc:n I idt il ... :a w:ann on my .:he:.:!.:. Tit.: li;;lll in lh.: room b.:hino.l m.: su<.lo.lenly w.:nl oul. Tit.: whul.: lu.1u"" w:as in d:ukn.::iS. I knew that so>mcboo.ly-som.:Utin;;.......... _M. -<+'Yy....... Figure 4.4. The Hobbit's first draft of his scary story. 104

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significance of the errors marked in his text may be magnified by The Hobbit's belief that Mrs. Marshall tends to note only serious errors. He says, "Maybe when I did some awful, awful mistake, she wrote some notice for this mistake" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 168-170). Mrs. Marshall's one positive comment--"Nice 1st draft"--offers no indication of what The Hobbit has done well. Uncertain what is being complimented, The Hobbit tentatively offers a guess: "Maybe it's a notice on the thinking in this draft, not on the grammar" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 91-92). As he revises his draft (Figure 4.5), The Hobbit attends closely to Mrs. Marshall's "notices." Except for the final sentence, he corrects all of his language errors. These corrections require little effort on his part because, in most instances, Mrs. Marshall has supplied the correct or missing language. Mrs. Marshall's directive style of response sometimes results in arbitrary or incorrect emendations. Her suggested revision of the second 105

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. ,iuod:.. .at:( . --/ ....... 0--1..-I c:..u D...f -id:.. ..r /;k.; .-t. ) I < ...:< .__I / fjq, doot ;,. io-1-"-t_ . fl.<. 4aad .::\.. f.J 9 ?b "} S'!-r 1 I d111t.'t o.J:tt..,fo.AFigure 4.5. The Hobbit's final draft of his scary story. 106

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sentence in The Hobbit's first draft creates the nonidiomatic construction "I wanted to cry, but I couldn't do it,11 and on his final draft, the substitution of "the door" with the pronoun "it" seems a matter of stylistic preference, not a language error. Mrs. Marshall's tendency to appropriate The Hobbit's text is evident also in how she communicates her suggestions for more descriptive language. Instead of commenting generally on the need for more picturesque language, Mrs. Marshall marks specific areas in the text. For example, on his first draft she suggests that he revise one of his sentences to end with a simile and directs him to either add an adverb to the verb "ran" or replace it with another verb, a request The Hobbit complies with by substituting the verbs "rush" and "sprint." The Hobbit believes that his revisions produced a more developed text. He says, "I gave more branches to these trees" (Appendix c, The Hobbit, 11/26/90, 190-191). But his changes are primarily at the word and sentence level and involve little 107

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more than restating portions of the original text. For instance, he adds a sentence which restates an earlier comment about the strange steps the narrator hears and replaces a statement about his heart beating with the phrase "But inside boiling." Like Mrs. Marshall, The Hobbit contents himself with minor changes to his text. summary: A guestion of ownership. In many ways the scary story assignment demands little involvement from The Hobbit. The issues of topic and style have already been determined, and within five minutes he is able to compose a first draft that, in Mrs. Marshall's eyes, requires little revision beyond the correction of surface errors. Even in revising, The Hobbit tends to limit changes in his text to those issues identified by Mrs. Marshall. Correcting the surface errors in his text is simply a matter of inserting the appropriate language supplied by Mrs. Marshall. Mrs. Marshall's directive response style, which focuses heavily on language errors, treats The Hobbit's first draft essentially as a finished piece 108

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and encourages him to limit exploration of his writing to minor emendations of his text. Her concern seems to be the production of a text as close to technical perfection as possible. In satisfying this concern, Mrs. Marshall assumes much of The Hobbit's responsibility for editing his work. Her appropriation of the text limits The Hobbit's need to engage with his writing. Jon: Writing with Restricted Vision Obtaining the best possible education for their children is so important to Jon's parents that they have voluntarily separated the family while Jon and his sister complete their high school educations. For the past year, 16-year old Jon and his younger sister have lived in the United States with their mother while their father, a high school principal, remains in Korea; this is their first year at Westway. Their father sends frequent parcels of books and monitors their academic progress through letters and phone calls. 109

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I Jon delcribes himself English har1" (Appendix c, as "trying to study Jon, 11/16/90, 3). Although he often spends the minutes before class trading mock kung fu kicks and chops with Hung and Pawel, once class begins, Jon sits poised at the edge of his seat as if literally-hanging onto Mrs. Marshall's words. He believes that success in learning En lish is a matter of diligence and perseverance. As he wrote in his "Goliath" paper: It's my elf who is lazy about studying .. my enemy, Goliath, is inside of my mind. One side of\my mind says, "Study hard, don't be lazy, in there, you can do it." But the other s1de says, "You don't have to study. I After some years pass, you naturally master English as someone did so." For Jon, proficiency in English is critical to his ability io get a college education. In his "Goliath" pap\er he wrote "But I don't master I , English quickly so I won't be able to go to a college." ,en in his native Korea, students must demonstrate c\ompetency in English if they hope to gain admittanle to one of the nation's few colleges and universit'es. 110

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Jon believes a college education is necessary to ensure an economically secure future and the respect of his peers. This belief in the importance of college reflects Korean cultural values: [C]ollege is the important to get a job, you know. The people don't like the people who graduate high school, just only high school. They think they stupid really, they think they stupid, you know, yeah, so we have to college, you know. (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 51-56) In class, Jon's behavior reflects the pressure he feels to learn English. When Mrs. Marshall calls on him, his actions often seem flustered and disorganized, and his speech becomes abrupt and disjointed. Mrs. Marshall describes his behavior as ''almost hyper [He] interrupts, cannot wait to speak, stutters when his turn comes, and seems agitated" (Appendix A, 12/2/90). A writer by the book. Before arriving in the United States, Jon had little opportunity to write in English. His three years of English classes in Korea centered on the study of grammar and vocabulary. Jon describes a typical exercise: "[F]or example, like they give us five sentences and which sentence is wrong--'Let's find which sentence 111

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is wrong'--you know, like pick number, you know" (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 28-32). Much of the classwork involved the memorization of vocabulary, sentence patterns, and verb conjugations. Jon says, "[W]e have to memorize like basic sentences" (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 25). Students had no opportunity to compose original texts. Jon explains, "I didn't have chance to write my writing, my writing, to create my writing" (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 40-42). Jon's definition of good writing centers on the importance of communication. He believes that good writers communicate their intentions to their readers: "[T]he good writer, writer, lead the people, the readers, to their moods" (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 103-105). Good writing also has some impact on the reader. Jon explains: "I write about the hot--the cold--about the coldness--if after you read my writing you feel cold from the writing, I think that's good writing" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 61-64). 112

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In his own writing, Jon values the opportunity to communicate his opinions and ideas. He says, "I wanna show somebody--I mean I want to represent, represent myself, you know, what I feel--sometimes" (Appendix c, Jon, 3/7/91, 96-99). The inability to express his thoughts is a perennial difficulty. Jon explains: "I thought some idea, but sometimes I can't write, write it--what I thought, what I think-so what can I write? That my problem still" (Appendix C, Jon, 11/21/90, 23-25). However, Jon believes that he has become more adept at expressing himself in English: "I can express what I saw, what I think. At first I can't express all I think, but now it's most, I mean not most, but many of, many of the thing I can express" (Appendix c, Jon,_ 1/11/91, 39-42). Despite an interest in communicating through his writing, Jon seems primarily concerned about the grades he receives on his school writing assignments. About his "Goliath" paper, he says, "Oh, I didn't think anything, what she [Mrs. Marshall] saw--thought about this writing, my 113

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writing. I didn't think anything, just get grade" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/21/90, 7-9). To Jon, effective communication seems to be primarily a matter of choosing the right words. On his course evaluation, he wrote, "I have liked to learn something that we must use to make good writings, for instance, the conjunction, powerful objectives [adjectives]." In his view, three elements--grammar, vocabulary, and idioms--are essential to one's development as a writer of English. Jon believes that he already possesses a strong base in grammar: "I studied about grammar in Korea, so this is my strong point, I think, to write" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 42-43). As he drafts, much of his attention is focused on correct form as he tries "[t]o make sentence correctly" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 39). Mrs. Marshall also noted Jon's grammatical skill. She observed that "Jon seems to be the only one who puts adverbial clauses and phrases at the beginning of his sentences" (Appendix A, 11/13/90) 114

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and that "Jon uses compound-complex sentences . better than most students in the class" {Appendix A, 12/2/90). In terms of his development as a writer of English, Jon seems more concerned about increasing his vocabulary and knowledge of idioms. He says, "I need to study about vocabulary to write" {Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 16). He perceives that much of his growth in writing this semester has occurred in the area of vocabulary: "I use different word, the hard, the more difficult, difficult words" {Appendix c, Jon, 1/11/91, 35-37). Also important is the ability to express one's self idiomatically, what Jon terms "good expression." He says, "[T]o memorize--to learn about idioms I think it helps us--me--to write about something" {Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 70-72). He considers the idiom section to be one of the most valuable assets of his Korean-English dictionary. Jon says, "I like this dictionary a lot. We can study about these sentences" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 189-190). He perceives idiomatic 115

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expression as key to intelligible writing. Jon explains: "Like 'pie in the sky'--you don't say it like that--it's a different expression [in Korean]. In Korean 'pie in sky,' they wouldn't understand11 (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 34-37). In Jon's view, reading is important to his progress as a language learner. He explains: "Read books, just--just read many books. I think that's the best way to learn how to write I think11 (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 66-68). From his reading, he learns 11the writing style and grammar11 (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 24-25). Jon says, 11We have different expression between English and Korean so I can learn expression and write something" {Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 25-27). A reference for idioms and grammar as well as a word source, Jon's dictionary is an integral part of his writing process. He says, "I must have dictionary--dictionary, papers, pencil, eraser" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 57-58). Jon believes his dictionary holds the solutions to all writing problems: 11I have no problem to write something. 116

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If I don't know something, I can use dictionary to write about it" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/16/90, 52-54). Teacher and student: Readers of error. Despite attending to issues of form as he writes, Jon does not proofread his entire draft once he finishes. Instead he depends on the teacher to make any necessary corrections or suggestions for revision. He believes that is part of a teacher's duties: "I thought teacher would be--teacher would correct my writing .. That what teacher have to do" (Appendix C, Jon, 11/16/90, 105-106). When Jon gets a paper back, he looks first at the mistakes that have been marked (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 95). He says that he pays a lot of attention to issues involving grammar and mechanics (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 176), those issues likely to be addressed in Mrs. Marshall's in-text markings. Not surprisingly, Jon reports that he usually looks only at the in-text markings. He is likely to ignore any marginal or end comments: "I didn't read, I didn't read usually" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 127). 117

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Despite his concern with error, Jon sometimes ignores all response except for the grade on his paper. If a draft is heavily marked, he does not read the in-text markings: "If there's many mistakes in my writing, I don't read it" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 135-136). On a final draft, he is unlikely to look at anything except the grade. He says, "I won't, I won't read it again" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 140). Jon believes that, a reader of his texts, Mrs. Marshall shares his concern with the errors in his writing. Asked what Mrs. Marshall is looking for as she reads, Jon replies, "I think make mistakes" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 77). He perceives that she is most concerned with students' grammar (Appendix C, Jon, 11/19/90, 81), a perception which may be reinforced by his own concerns as a reader of Mrs. Marshall's response and his dependency on the teacher to detect error. Jon and the scary story. Because Jon failed to heed Mrs. Marshall's instructions to save his rough draft of the scary story assignment, we cannot know 118

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how he used Mrs. Mrs. Marshall's responses to help him revise. We can, however, explore his perception of her responses to his final draft (Figure 4.6). Of the four students profiled in this paper, Jon constructs the most rhetorically sophisticated text. Through skillful use of phrasing and ellipses, he creates a pace which heightens the suspenseful mood of the piece. He adds interest by using a variety of sentence openings and sentence types. Half of his sentences begin with some element besides the subject, such as an adverb or introductory clause. In responding to Jon's text, Mrs. Marshall marks seven errors in his text, most of them minor issues of spelling and usage which do not affect the readibility of the text. Although he receives an A on the assignment, these errors dominate Jon's perception of his piece. He comments, "I thought there was many mistake in my writing" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 116-117). Inclined to notice only the in-text markings, he misses the praise in Mrs. Marshall's comments at the top of his paper. 119

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Figure 4.6. Jon's final draft of his scary story. 120

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Mrs. Marshall rewards Jon's efforts with the compliments "You've used good imagery. good work." Jon seems to have only a vague notion of what these compliments mean. He does not understand the meaning of "good imagery" and seems unsure why his paper received a good grade. Jon thinks perhaps it is because of his ideas: "Good idea, good idea, I think" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 148). A few moments later, he tentatively adds, "Good grammar?" (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 150). At the end of Jon's paper, Mrs. Marshall writes one other comment, "Where would you start and end paragraphs?," a question seemingly prompted by the fact that Jon has written his paper as one long paragraph. Her question addresses an issue which was never raised in any of the class sessions I observed, and Jon does not understand her comment despite his familiarity with paragraphs in his own language (Appendix c, Jon, 11/19/90, 122). In any case, such a question on a final draft seems moot because Mrs. Marshall requires nothing further from students oncean assignment has been graded. 121

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summary: Missed messages. Within his vision of writing as the manipulation of forms and vocabulary, Jon willingly assigns Mrs. Marshall the role of language expert, responsible for detecting error and monitoring mistakes. Attending chiefly to the intext markings on his papers, that part of Mrs. Marshall's response which addresses linguistic and mechanical error, Jon construes Mrs. Marshall's response as an affirmation of his values as a writer. such a reading of Mrs. Marshall's response focuses Jon's attention on the errors in his writing. Mrs. Marshall's attempts to acknowledge other aspects of Jon's writing are contained in her written comments, which Jon is likely to ignore. In the absence of any instruction to the contrary, Jon seems likely to continue devoting attention primarily to Mrs. Marshall's corrections of his linguistic and mechanical errors. 122

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April: Fixed by Form Her features partially hidden by a cascade of hair over one eye, 16-year old April often sat quietly while other students volunteered answers to Mrs. Marshall's questions. Her reticence resulted not from a lack of preparation but from her uncertainty about how to phrase her answers. April explains her frustration: "Sometimes like Mrs. Marshall say, 'Any idea? Any answer? I get the answer, but I don't know how to say it, I just forget it. I can't share my ideas" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 113-116). Despite having studied English since kindergarten, April was placed in beginning-level ESL courses when she arrived at Westway from her native Malaysia eight months ago. She explains: "I've been learning English in Malaysia for years. But in Malaysia they don't think English is important, so they suggest you study Malay better than English" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 17-20). A native speaker of three dialects of Chinese (Mandarin, cantonese, and Hakka), April ranks 123

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English as her weakest language: "[M]y Malay is better than my English and my Chinese is better than Malay" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 20-22). April's English classes in Malaysia were rudimentary and progressed little beyond grammar drills. She explains: "I think-we learned about the same thing, like it's very simple grammar, just like 'She is girl. She is come to my--she's came to my house after four o'clock.' But we also have learn past tense and past participle" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 44-49). In reality, her English lessons often contained little English. According to April, "When the teacher teach us English, he just use Malay. Like he just say like English 'when,' and he explain in Malay what's that mean in Malay, and he just talk Malay, Malay so we not really learn about this" (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 28-33). A reluctant writer. April usually does not enjoy writing whether in English, Chinese, or Malay (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 184-185). She believes that developing her speaking skills is more critical 124

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to her social and academic adjustment in an Englishspeaking environment: "[W]hat I need is talk .... I always quiet in my math class. I don't say anything in my math class, just do my homework. I just talk to my friend--one American friend" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 130-134). She finds writing a lonely, physically restrictive experience: "I think writing is kind of boring because--like I just, I cannot go anywhere. I have to sit down in my chair and holding a pen and thinking something, so it's kind of bore" (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 169-172). Writing in English is especially difficult and time-consuming. April says: "[W]rite a story with another language is also hard to me. So every time Mrs. Marshall give us the writing assignment, I have to spend the two or three hours on my chair and think about that, so sometime make me feel bored" (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 175-180). April is more likely to invest time and effort in writing about topics which interest her: "I don't like the topic, so I just won't spend a long 125

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time--just write something ... just write a paragraph, that's it" (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 84-87). She finds it easier to write about topics based on her personal experience: "[E]xplain myself is easy because I know myself more than anything, so I can explain many thing" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 249-251). April believes that, in order to write, writers must first know what they wish to say: If you don't have a good idea, I don't think you can write out the story. Like you sit down, you don't get a idea and your mind is like empty, you cannot think, you cannot write anymore. So first you have a good idea, then you start to write out. (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 108-114) Instead of exploring a topic through her writing, she begins a paper with the meaning fixed in her mind: "I want to think about what I'm going to write about the idea--just think about that" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 158-160). Much of April's effort in writing a first draft centers on finding the appropriate forms for her ideas. She believes that meaning and form are inseparable; to use an inappropriate or incorrect 126

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form might change her intended meaning: "When you write, you have to use in the sentence ... If I use like the wrong sentence, it might change the meaning, so you have to use the right sentence" (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 114-120). As a beginning writer of English, April believes her greatest weakness is her inability to control linguistic form, especially forms of the past tense. She explains: "I try to pay attention on my grammar because I always wrong my grammar. I pay more attention on the past tense and past participle because this is my weakness" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 81-84). She values the opportunity to read her fellow classmates' writing to "find out how they _write a sentence, how they use the word--vocabulary" (Appendix C, April, 11/19/90, 61-62). She especially admires Asli's work: "When I read her story, I like it because I always make the mistake on the past tense, the past participle, but Asli have done this very good, so I always look at how's 127

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the participle used in the sentence11 (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 65-70). Once she finishes her initial draft, April sometimes checks it for grammatical errors. She explains, 11In the first draft, I just write the story, and when I'm finished, I just sometimes like correct the past tense11 (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 25-28) . She does not reconsider her thoughts: 11! never check up my idea, so I just check the grammar. If I have like reread again, just grammar" (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 52-54). Consequently, revision becomes largely a matter of recopying the corrected first draft: 11! write it like cleaner. [Referring to her first and second drafts of the scary story] This is more good than this one because here's many correct words here11 (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 28-30). April finishes her second draft, relieved to complete a somewhat distasteful task: "After I finish the second draft, I just it away, I don't want to see it again11 (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 38-40). April's older brother, with whom she is living 128

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while she waits for their parents to emigrate, is an important influence on April's writing. Some 12 years ago, he, like April, emigrated to the United States as a teenager. April describes how his expertise in English developed: He came here when he's 15, just like me, 15 ... Now he can speak very good English. And also when he come here, he lived with my aunt; she's married an American, so all of them speak English, so this really help him to improve he English. (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 92-99) She frequently uses his experiences as a source of ideas for her writing: 11[W]hen my brother, when he talk to his friend, I just listen what happened to him. Sometime I use his stories11 (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 226-228). Sometimes she also relies on him to edit her work: Like sometimes I feel like I really like this_ kind of writing like scary story--I chose interesting, and when I wrote it, I think my idea really good, but my grammar's wrong, and I don't want like fix it, so I just give i.t my brother to check it. (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 10-16) April perceives that her writing has become more interesting because she writes more detailed 129

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and informative texts. She describes the change in her writing: I guess I put long--that make a story more--it make it more interesting. Like the first time I just write a sentence only I don't explain it. Just I say 'I'm very happy about this'-that's all--and now I put 'happy' and 'whatwhat-what' and explain. I give a example. (Appendix c, April, 1/11/91, 7-13) She believes her awareness of the descriptive power of adjectives has also contributed to her ability to create interesting texts: Like I say . like the beginning when I write my story, I just--'We have a sub today. Her name is Mrs. Ali. Duh-duh-duh'--like this-that's not interesting. And now I try to like this, like this say: 'We have a sub today and she's a woman from here and the style she teach and who has brown hair we's just learn the adjective like Mrs. Marshall, I just remember she said 'the stick,' then we learn 'a long, thin stick.' You don't have to say 'stick.' (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 115-132) Concerned with grammar and convinced of the importance of adjectives in descriptive writing, much of April's attention is focused on discourse at the word-and sentence-level. such a focus may account for April's notions about such transition words and phrases as "however" and "therefore," which require an understanding of the relationships 130

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of ideas across sentence boundaries. April believes that such transition words and phrases are a convenient means of stretching one's writing: 11[S]ometime you don't have anything to write, you use 'however,' just make the sentence longer" (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 148-150). A resourceful writer: April and the scary story. April overcame her general dislike of writing and the constraints of the scary story assignment to create what she felt was her best piece of writing that semester. She achieved this by shaping the assignment to meet her personal standards for good writing and incorporating her experiences from daily life and her reading in Chinese. Despite her eventual engagement with the assignment, April found that writing someone else's story hindered her ability to begin composing. She explains: Because at the beginning part it's not my idea, it's hard to continue it, so I have to like stare at that and think about how, what I want to go at the last one. If my own story, I can make like the setting, the person by myself. (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 65-70) 131

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With the basics--setting, tone, character, and situation--already chosen, the assignment retained a prescriptive tenor. April says, "I have to follow the rules; if not, I get a drop my point" (Appendix c, April, 3/14/91, 74-75). April also objected to the ominous, frightening tone of the story: "I don't like .. this story, because it just kind of scare only" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 161-162). By her standards, good writing must contain an element of humor: "If the story interesting, then I want make very interesting make the reader feels funny, laugh when he read my story" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 91-94). April believes that good writing also includes an element of surprise "so the reader cannot think about the end" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 142-143). In her opinion, interesting writing defies readers' expectations: Many things you cannot imagine. At the beginning, oh, it's like he very poor, and he work hard, very hard, very hard, and you must think at the end he must be very rich, but at last, he still poor. (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 136-140) 132

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Rejecting the tone set by the story prompt, April satisfied her personal criteria for good writing by ending her narrative with a humorous incident drawn from her own life--her nephew awakening her by pouring a glass of water on her. April says: "Yeah, it's real, it's real. I just live with my little nephew, and he open mydoor and come in. So my nephew always do this" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 134-137). To create a satisfying narrative, April also utilized her experience as a reader of Chinese. An aficionada of Chinese comic books, April borrowed the idea for the dream sequence from one of her reading: "Before I come here, I read many like the joke book. I just use that idea like that one 'I stay alone at home.' I got that idea from the Chinese" (Appendix c, April, 11/16/90, 108-113). She also used language typical of that found in comic books: I mean the word I use and the--like the line and the dot like that [she draws an exclamation point in the air with her hand] . I like that sound. Like sometime I puts like Aaaah! That's kind of word like oooooh!, Pshew! I 133

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like that, that style like that. (Appendix c, April, 3/15/91, 94-101) April also utilized her brother's proficiency in English to help her create a more effective text. Once she finished her first draft, she asked her brother to read it over. Thanks to his input, she strengthened some of her wording to create a more vivid text. April cites an example: "I just say 'Eeeek!' in the first draft and I give it to my brother to correct and he say, 'Not I say, I scream.' So I change it" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 126-130). Getting it right: Revising the scary story. An awareness of the significance of Mrs. Marshall as her primary audience pervades April's sense of writing. April notes: "I write this story, I must pay attention how the teacher felt what did I write, and she say 'Great.' She feels good, then I feel good too" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 86-89). April believes that Mrs. Marshall's chief interest in reading students' papers is to evaluate what students have learned from class, specifically their control of linguistic form and convention. 134

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April explains, "I don't think she pay attention on our ideas. I think she just pay attention just what did we learn, use the grammar, the vocabulary" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 74-77). She believes that Mrs. Marshall's expectations of students' scary stories included the use of punctuation marks discussed in the lessons on Poe, the dash and the exclamation mark: I wrote this story after we read "The Tell-Tale Heart," and so I will use this kind of word-Eeeek and Aaaah I never use this--how do you call it? [points to a long dash in her text], but after I read it, I just tried it . I use this one [points to an exclamation mark]. (Appendix C, April, 11/19/90, 148-155) For April the significance of the scary story assignment centers on following the "rules" of good writing. April interprets Mrs. Marshall's comment on her final draft "You've done a nice job" to mean "I done right; I used the new word, the new way to write my story" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 187-188). In April's case, writing "right" means achieving a linguistically correct text. April values the final draft of her story because it 135

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contains fewer linguistic and mechanical errors. She says, "This [the final draft] is more good than this one [the first draft] because here's many correct words here" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 29-30). Mrs. Marshall's responses to April's text reflect the same concern with formal correctness. Indeed, April believes that linguistic accuracy is the focus of Mrs. Marshall's interest in her writing. April notes that Mrs. Marshall is "always commenting on my grammar, the past -tense" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 127-128). In response to April's first draft of the scary story (Figure 4.7), Mrs. Marshall directs the bulk of her feedback toward April's language errors, her mistakes in spelling, punctuation, and verb tense. In comparison with the 17 errors she marks in April's first draft, Mrs. Marshall offers two words of positive response, the marginal comments 11good11 and 11great!11 April interprets these comments as compliments on her ability to use what she has learned from the class: 136

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NG. iL .i:, (;ti).J .). ..bW vt: r {JJIJ1. ..1. A 41/.f Jw.e/ 1."11 7 /lt o..ol ci&JII 1M 7 JJ.u, 7 kk .1 .P ;A:ilu. w 11 bui .) /Ntlf/( ''"/ 1 7J. Iff! 7 ( Ntt* 1 ). "-''l') ..Ln l'lt k nA 'j -'1-r i wJ; .) ;,.. I becLfi!T...,...: ).. .;, "J(/(Ui.d1 Yul< c .. me "'.; f-' 7 w'"f'fo f.k 1 ) di-Jxtt.-, YuA --- cd .ilu.:J ) rr.cvif' ) .IUV'\.1 i art6 rf!JM8"J/. -JN 1 @ ;/(] ..Jk j'lh!): tJM.'I -' .I t.m::> j'lii:. J.. .J.eei '"J .idt.k ()nR a,._./ ,;. l.a.if 'Uo/( d;/ 1 c..fl;.( !j .J.. ho.cl /1((..1-.:ic "'J b
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I think she thinks the way I write, the idea I write down, this is good idea or this make it interesting, so she say this good, great, or she just say she felt--! find the story--just use the word, what I was learning from the class, so she feel that's great. (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 215-220) Not until April's final draft (Figure 4.8) does Mrs. Marshall react much to the content of April's text, and even then, her comments are limited to two statements of general praise and a comment about the pacing of April's story. Mrs. Marshall's practice of circling errors and writing in the correct forms directs April's eye to the errors in her text. April says, "I just read what she correct. She just make a circle on this word. I see what happened--oh, past tense" (Appendix _c, April, 11/26/90, 4-6). She explains: "I know what did I done before, so I don't have read again. I just read what she mark" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 10-12). Once a draft has been graded, however, she is likely to ignore any errors that have been marked: "[S]ometime I don't look at them. If I get A or B, here just one or two circle, I just forget" (Appendix c, April, 11/26/90, 26-28). 138

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miles .... ,. I"'' up rrom lb< Ublc wbcn: I b.1J .,.., raolill; lhc MWSP>P<' Tbc lclcpboDc W311D lbc baD.I"d phOM: my :aunta tctebaw iotc w;d.. Aa I t.)pcocd dac Jour to U1C' brall1 ..-. winr.l rw:.::l;. laumcd. lbd I (oqoucn ao 3 win.Jow! Nd. The twl .a in .brl.:nca. I puc ou1 cny to 1um Oft rbc lia;ltc ad &ben I fell ic ... w.,nn b,. ..... lJI oa my Tllc li;hc in lh.,;: rooG'TI b.:hin..l me Figure 4.8. April's final draft of her scary story. 139

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April's revision of her draft reveals her reliance on Mrs. Marshall to play the role of language expert, responsible for identifying all errors in language and convention, a perception which Mrs. Marshall's style of response encourages. April ticks off what she finds helpful in Mrs. Marshall's response: "Like correct the verb, the past tense--! always make a mistake on the past tense ... and spelling, how to use the grammar" (Appendix c, April, 11/19/90, 178-180). In her revision, April scrupulously corrects all the items Mrs. Marshall has identified but neglects to correct other errors, such as the spelling of "imagination." Summary: Hidden strengths. Challenged by an assignment she found somewhat restrictive, April created a text consonant with her personal criteria for good writing by incorporating a variety of resources--events from her daily life, her experience as a reader of Chinese, and her brother's proficiency in English. Yet, despite these_skillful behaviors, April centers her identity as a writer of English on her errors in grammar, particularly her 140

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control of the past tense. When she revises, her objective is to create an error-free text. April finds this same sense of herself as a writer confirmed in Mrs. Marshall's responses to her writing. As a reader of April's texts, Mrs. Marshall focuses the bulk of her feedback on April's language errors. Centered on students' written products, Mrs. Marshall's style of response offers no means of recognizing writers' strengths beyond those reflected on the page. Disparate Images of Writing Through her responses to students' writing, Mrs. Marshall hoped to motivate students to exercise responsibility for their writing and enhance students' confidence in their ability to communicate through writing. A less important goal for her response was to indicate lapses in students' application of the grammar they had studied. However, the image of writing which emerged from students' accounts of their experience differed greatly from that which Mrs. Marshall envisioned. 141

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Focused on Error Mrs. Marshall's intended goal for student writing was for students to express themselves freely without being overly concerned with correctness. However, in responding to students' texts, Mrs. Marshall herself focused on students' control of language forms and conventions. Her heavy use of in-text markings focused students' attention on their errors as they reread texts to which she had responded. Instead of rereading the entire text, students tended to read only Mrs. Marshall's insertions and circled errors. In contrast with the volume and explicit nature of the in-text markings, Mrs. Marshall's few written comments tended to be brief, general comments of praise, which offered little specific feedback on what the writer had done well. As a consequence pf this focus on error, students tended to equate correct writing with good writing. This attitude was evident in Mai's dependence on Mrs. Marshall's response to help her 11write right11 and April's perception that her second 142

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draft was a better text because it contained more correct words. With the exception of Mai, students' chief objective in revising their texts became the elimination of error as they copied Mrs. Marshall's revisions into their drafts. Teacher Dependent Although Mrs. Marshall wanted students to engage more deeply with their writing, her responses tended to appropriate students' responsibility for their texts. For example, her practice of circling or crossing out errors in language and supplying tbe correct form relieved students of much of the responsibility for editing their drafts. Students tended to assume that Mrs. Marshall had caught most of their language errors and, consequently, corrected only those errors she had identified. Much of Mrs. Marshall's response to students' texts appeared to subvert her intentions for students' writing. Chapter 5 examines some of the constraints which shaped her response behavior, some alternative instructional practices, and the broader implications of the study. 143

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CHAPTER 5 A FINAL LOOK: VISIONS BEYOND In Mrs. Marshall, I saw a teacher whose practice in many ways affirmed her belief in students' capabilities. Sheworked diligently and creatively to make her students active participants in both the Westway school community and in the community at-large. She encouraged students to be autonomous, to seize control of their existence rather than become passive observers of their own lives. Concerned with more than students' academic performance, Mrs. Marshall created an atmosphere supportive of students' confidence and self-esteem. Through the sharing times at the beginning of most class meetings, she invited students to freely engage in an oral dialogue about issues in their personal lives and alerted them to opportunities for participation in life outside the classroom. Through an early unit on teacher and student roles, 144

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she hoped to gain a clearer understanding of her students and their expectations of her. Similarly, Mrs. Marshall's goals for student writing .reflected a concern with establishing an atmosphere in which students could feel confident expressing themselves. Her semester goal for writing was to encourage students "to let their thoughts come without feeling 'hung up' over correctness" (Appendix A, 1/18/91). Mrs. Marshall believed that fluency and students' confidence in their ability to communicate were important to students' growth as writers of English. To communicate with students about their writing, Mrs. Marshall relied primarily on her written responses to stucients' papers. Of_the objectives she set for her responses, two seemed to reflect her interest in strengthening students' communicative ability. First, Mrs. Marshall hoped to motivate students to think about their writing, to consider how they could enhance the effectiveness of their text. For Mrs. Marshall, this seemed to be largely a matter of making revisions at the word 145

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level, of "choosing precise words that will create an effect" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Secondly, as a reader of student texts, Mrs. Marshall wanted to establish a stance as an interested reader, one concerned with the content of students' writing rather than only the form, so that students would write not "to please the teacher, but instead, to write for a general audience .. (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Through such a persona, Mrs. Marshall could communicate to students "that whatever they wrote was a good idea, a clear image, a nice comparison, a good choice of words" (Appendix A, 11/18/90) and thus enhance students' self-esteem. However, Mrs. Marshall's final objective, alerting students to lapses in their application of the grammar studied in their grammar class, seemed concerned more with students' demonstration of their knowledge of grammar than with communication. Mrs. Marshall claimed not "to make a fuss over many errors .. (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Indeed, she sensed that overattention to linguistic accuracy 146

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could hinder students' fluency as in the case of The Hobbit, whom she described as "so technical and precise that he agonizes over the exact word and expression, often necessitating late papers or none atall, as well as much frustration" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). Unfulfilled Intentions Although Mrs. Marshall selected the scary story assignment to provide students experience with writing for effect, little of her feedback on their drafts reflected a personal response to their texts. Vague and unfocused, her comments could have fit any student's text. Most of these comments were also brief--single words and short phrases like "good," "great," "good work," "nice suspense," "nice excitement," and "nice 1st draft.11 Of the four writers profiled in this paper, only April received reader-based response specific to her text, the comment "The action you created with words was fast quick-moving!" on her final draft. 147

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In practice, concern with linguistic accuracy dominated Mrs. Marshall's responses to her students' writing. This dominance resulted from her reliance on in-text markings to identify students' language errors. This response style led students to focus on their errors as they reread d-rafts Mrs. Marshall had marked. In turn, this focus on error contributed to students' perception that good writing is correct writing. With the exception of Mai, revision, for most students, became primarily the elimination of error as they copied Mrs. Marshall's corrections into their drafts. Although Mrs. Marshall wanted students to engage more deeply with their writing, her responses tended to appropriate much of the students' responsibility for their texts. For example, her practice of circling or crossing out nonstandard forms and supplying the standard form relieved students of much of the responsibility for editing their drafts. students tended to assume that Mrs. Marshall had caught most of their language errors 148

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and, therefore, limited their revision to the errors she had identified. The conditions Mrs. Marshall set for student writing were a significant factor in limiting students' involvement with their writing and determining the nature of the responses they received. Students usually received a writing assignment in the last ten to fifteen minutes of class and were expected to produce a draft by class the next day. This expectation placed enormous pressure on students for whom, as Mrs. Marshall acknowledged, "many words do not come to the fore" (Appendix A, 11/18/90). students were essentially forced to telescope the entire writing process-choice of content, selection of appropriate structure and wording, and copyediting--into an evening often crowded with assignments from other classes. Mrs. Marshall's customary practice of requiring only two drafts--the revision usually due by the next class that students had little time to consider alternatives beyond emending 149

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their texts in accordance with Mrs. Marshall's feedback. Ironically, Mrs. Marshall attributed students' language errors to the failure to take the time necessary to edit their work. At the end of the first quarter, she commented on her expectations of students: "I want to see evidence of editing and checking. students fall short of this, which to me is just organization and concentration" (Appendix A, 11/1/90). Why I Don't Do As I Say Disparities between teacher beliefs and practices are often more apparent to observers than to classroom teachers (Perl & Wilson, 1986). Teaching often does not permit much time for reflection (Perl & Wilson, 1986), and teachers may create idealized images of their instruction (Anson, 1989). Several factors contributed to the disparity between Mrs. Marshall's intentions for students' writing and her actual practice--Mrs. Marshall's 150

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perception of herself as a teacher, the time pressures created by having to teach reading and writing in one class period, and the need to adequately prepare students to function in the mainstream. Like many ESL teachers (Zamel, 1985), Mrs. Marshall saw herself as a language teacher rather than a teacher of reading and writing: "I teach language development through the mediums of reading and writing" (Appendix A, 11/1/90). She described ESL students' competencies as language learners in terms contrary to much of her educational practice: "In ESL, there is no base from which to take off. There is only weak language, and that is the most important part to develop" (Appendix A, 9/15/90). On those terms, the criterion for success becomes the control of linguistic forms: When I see April writing in complete sentences and so on, but using the wrong tense of verbs consistently, I cannot give her an A. When I see Yoko writing incomplete sentences, I cannot do it for her either, even though her thinking is great and her explanations are clear The students are not checked just for reasoning or inference or comprehension. They are checked for correct usage of the language (Appendix A, 11/1/90) 151

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Another factor which affected Mrs. Marshall's teaching of writing was the design of Westway's ESL curriculum which combined reading and writing into one course. Mrs. Marshall perceived this constraint as requiring her to teach essentially two classes in a period of time sufficient for only one class; from her viewpoint, she was 11teaching two classes in one11 (Appendix B, 10/15/92). Within her conceptualization of language learning, she saw few connections between the activities of reading and writing: Having reading and writing in one class is [a] difficult challenge, because the students need an intensive dose of each of these subjects. I feel they need both r and w daily in order to keep up both skills and expand themselves regularly, but to really get into literature and discuss it, along with writing with a purpose and connection as well as learn writing skills and reading strategies is almost like attempting the impossible. (Appendix A, 9/1/90) She realized that she hurried students through their writing: 11I sped them along and they didn't really sit down and revise the way someone in a writing class per se, given more time, would do11 (Appendix B, 10/15/92). 152

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compelled to set priorities, she chose to emphasize reading because of its importance as a source of vocabulary, which was, in turn, critical to students' success in the mainstream. Mrs. Marshall wrote: "I sometimes feel that writing, per se, gets the short end of the stick, because in order to mainstream and hold one's own, a student needs so much vocabulary ." (Appendix A, 9/11/90). She felt that writing could take up time which might be more profitably spent on reading: "[Writing] can drag on in ESL so long, and it's a reading and writing class" (Appendix B, 10/15/92). Besides, past experience had taught her that students valued vocabulary as crucial to their growth in English: "[T]he kids always want a lot of vocabulary, and unless you keep it coming through the reading, which I believe is the way to give it to them, then they're going to get anxious that they're not learning enough words . (Appendix B, 10/15/92). Another factor which shaped Mrs. Marshall's response practices was the need to prepare students 153

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for the demands of an academic curriculum. In her view, mastery of convention and form is essential to students' success in their future academic work: "For academic purposes, you have to learn some form ... because you have to fit into a system that's going to expect it" (Appendix B, 10/15/92). Students in her classes were likely to be unfamiliar with many of the conventions of written English: "[A] lot of these kids come without because they haven't capitalized, they haven't paragraphed, they haven't used our forms they haven't used the same punctuation or even the left to right style" (Appendix B, 10/15/92). In her view, once mainstreamed, students would have little opportunity to remedy such deficiencies. Experience had taught her that teachers of mainstream classes were often unable to spare the time necessary to help students who lacked the expected background: "[Y]ou're expected to know certain things--the teachers the following year or the next semester will not take the time because they're just not able to . 11 (Appendix B, 10/15/92). 154

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Beyond Form and Correctness To communicate with students about their writing, Mrs. Marshall depended on a response style heavily focused on the correction of error. She believed that without correction, students would remain oblivious to their mistakes: "[I]f they just write and they don't have any correction, they don't ever think, they don't learn how to check it for certain things" (Appendix B, 10/15/92). She sometimes supplied students with the correct forms, hoping "that when they rewrote it, they'd maybe get the practice of doing it correctly" (Appendix B, 1/15/92). Yet research suggests that error correction is of dubious value in aiding students' growth as writers. Correcting students' language errors is ineffective in improving students' linguistic accuracy (Hillocks, 1986; Robb, Ross, & Shortreed, 1986), and intensive error correction can create negative attitudes toward writing (Hillocks, 1986). For teachers like Mrs. Marshall who are interested in strengthening students' confidence in their 155

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ability to communicate, a form-centered style of response seems inappropriate. Limiting our basis for judging student writing primarily to matters of grammar and usage also denies students recognition of their other abilities as writers and encourages a limited view of writing as the manipulation of forms. As I talked with Mrs. Marshall's students and read their writing, I became aware of the strengths and potential in these writers that a form-centered response style could not address, strengths and potential that students themselves, so focused on their control of language forms, often could not see. Mai demonstrated the confidence and vision to change substantial portions of her text as she shaped the action in her narrative to more closely fit her notion of realism. Despite his belief in the importance of writing as self-expression, The Hobbit remained unengaged by his own writing. Jon defined himself as a good writer primarily because of his grammatical skill but remained unaware of how skillfully he had blended the rhythms of English to evoke an aura of 156

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suspense. Challenged by an assignment she found somewhat restrictive, April drew upon events from her personal life and her reading in her native Chinese to create a text that reflected her preferences as a reader. Writing to Make Meaning Unnurtured strengths, unrealized potential. How can teachers affirm student writers' capabilities and support their attempts to construct meaning? Such efforts require more than changes in how we respond to students' papers. First, we must revise the notion that control of convention and language form encompasses all that is involved in the act of writing. We must demonstrate and provide opportunities for our students to experience the many rhetorical decisions writers make as they work towards the appropriate expression for their ideas. Besides modeling techniques for topic searches, freewriting, and revising, we need to model our own writing processes. Unless these processes become a public 157

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part of the classroom, students may continue to think of writing as a magical activity in which success comes only to those gifted with a talent for writing. The opportunity to write for reasons that are real and personally significant is critical to both the quality of students' writing and the level of students' engagement with their texts. Mrs. Marshall's students repeatedly mentioned how the chance to write about personally meaningful topics enhanced their enjoyment of writing and their willingness to invest effort in the task. Allowing students the option of choosing their own topics also permits students to draw upon their previous knowledge and experiences. Writing for audiences beyond the classroom provides students with experience in anticipating the needs and expectations of a variety of readers and the opportunity to receive feedback from readers primarily concerned with communication instead of evaluation. For example, L2 students might exchange letters with students at their own school or 158

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another, write culturegrams for the social studies department, or create a handbook for new international students. Students also need time--time to write both in class and out of class, time to explore ideas and experiment with new language and-techniques. Especially important is time for students to talk about their writing in small workshop groups--to ask questions, to share successful and unsuccessful strategies, to receive an immediate response to their writing. As critical readers of their own work and that of their classmates, students not only encounter a greater range of texts than that afforded solely by class readings but also become resources for each other as they absorb new vocabulary, grammar, ideas, themes, and styles from each other's writing. students also need time to experience the success of authorship by sharing their work with the whole class, either through oral readings or classroom displays. In our responses to student writing, we can focus initially on the meanings students are trying 159

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to communicate. our comments might express interest in the writer's topic, empathy with the writer, or our understanding of the text. Through such strategies as asking questions and indicating those points at which we are confused, we can alert students to problematic areas in their texts without assuming responsibility for actual revision (Zemelman & Daniels, 1988). To help us become more perceptive readers of students' texts, we can ask students to reflect upon their writing. For instance, we might ask students to indicate what they like best about their paper, what they found particularly difficult or easy, what they feel least certain of, what they wanted most to communicate to their readers, and what they would change if they had more time. Critical reflection about their writing can heighten students' awareness of themselves as writers and provide teachers with a clearer understanding of students' intentions for their texts. In later drafts, when responding to issues of correctness, teachers can use several alternatives 160

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to resist the role of language expert and ensure that responsibility remains with the writer. Before we respond, we can ask students to identify areas of uncertainty or dissatisfaction in their texts (Charles, 1990; Graves, 1983), a practice that can also provide insight into students' perceptions of how their new language system works. When we respond, we can focus on the most serious or pervasive pattern of error and mark perhaps only some instances of the error, leaving the student to identify other occurrences. Alternatively, we might place a checkmark or some other symbol in the margin by the line containing the error and leave the student to find the error, either working alone or in collaboration with other students (Hyland, 1990). students of our Own Classrooms Grounded by the experiences of individual students within a particular classroom, the findings of this study cannot be generalized to other ESL learners or other ESL classrooms; neither Mrs. Marshall nor her students can be considered as 161

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typical of ESL learners and teachers. However, this study reveals how a specific instructional practice, in this case, a teacher's written responses to her students' writing, shapes students' experience of writing and their perceptions of that experience. Students' accounts of their writing experiences also indicate how writing tasks took on meanings specific to the individual as students filtered Mrs. Marshall's classroom practices and her responses to their writing through the matrices of their beliefs, expectations, and perceptions. This study also suggests the importance of students' beliefs, expectations, and perceptions in the classroom and their significance as a source of information about the impact of instructional practices. Such information can help us shape instruction to better fit students' individual needs and goals and may reveal discrepancies between our intentions and students' perceptions of those intentions. A second implication of this study is the need for teachers to consider the suppositions that 162

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underlie the paradigms of instruction we adopt and the impact of the constraints within which we teach. Such an begins by clarifying for ourselves our beliefs about writing and language learning and our intentions for students and their writing. We can then begin to consider how well our instructional practices support those beliefs and intentions and how we might address those constraints inimical to our goals for instruction. Reflecting on our instructional philosophy and practice and exploring students' perceptions of our practice requires us to critically examine our classrooms. Doing so, we act to reclaim our classrooms and create environments more closely attuned to our visions of learning and instruction. 163

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APPENDIX A EXCERPTS FROM MRS. MARSHALL'S JOURNAL 8/27/90 Today was the first day of school .... The tone was warm and friendly and the students felt relaxed at not having to get to know another stranger-teacher. At the first of the year, I feel it is important to make sure the students know the ropes. Often their systems in their countries are so different from ours, and the confusion can be disrupting to their concentration and learning. Helping them to understand what is expected and directing them on how to solve their own problems can be built into a language lesson. It can also quell their nervousness and save me from having to see the usual cue of students with tears and frustration outside my office during the first few weeks of school. 8/29/90 In ESL Reading and Writing class I was still assessing, having given them something to read the night before. I wanted to see if they could quickly scan for information and write down answers, notetaking style, with the correct information. So much of my work has to do with preparing them for the mainstream, and the styles of American teachers. Lecturing is the "thing" in American classes, and ESL students must tune their ears for the nuances of the language and the quick shift of gears that teachers often In general, I learned that they understood what they were expected to do and were able to write it down in quite-good form. Tonight the students have to create a list about what a good student does. I want to clear up cross-cultural expectations and styles and come to 164

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terms with them as to what they see as needed for their success. 9/1/90 Thank goodness it is Labor Day weekend! The first weeks of school are so difficult, and I felt frustrated this week. My frustration was due in part to the fact that everywhere I turn, the teachers are asking me for help in adapting material and working with students from foreign countries. Several students came into my office with actual assignments from their teachers, telling me that they were told that Mrs. Marshall would teach them. Parents were on the phone constantly with questions and concerns about the kinds of classes and responses from American teachers that were being related to them by the exchange students. The middle school requested that I come down as soon as possible to work with their teachers so that they could get a feel of what is going on and with what they could be doing wi'th the new ESL students. * * * * * Being an ESL teacher carries a lot of responsibility with it. An ESL teacher does not get a class each year with an assumed level of proficiency and background in English. As is always evident, the students have differing skills and needs, and it is impossible to serve them in the way in which I would like. Having reading and writing in one class is another difficult challenge, because the students need an intensive dose of each of these subjects. I feel they need both r and w daily in order to keep up both skills and expand themselves regularly, but to really get into literature and discuss it, along with writing with a purpose and connection as well as learn writing skills and reading strategies is almost like attempting the impossible . Also, the culture of the school and the country are important aspects of a student's adjustment to the USA, and need to be covered. When important details are covered such as what to do, 165

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when, and where to go and whom to ask are known, the students' anxiety lessens somewhat. * * * * * My plan of today is to see them Tuesday, go over their answers from the reading on the good teacher, entertain a bit of discussion, and regenerate the list they consider important for a good teacher. I'll write them on the board, and then challenge them to re-organize the list so that the words are in the right categories. Then I'll go over sentence combining using "and11 and 11but11 and three adjectives and the placement of commas, and see how that goes. For the rest of the time, I'll get them to write a paragraph on what a good teacher is or does .. Some of the topics for d1scussion and/or writing I am considering are: What good writing is; what a good composition is; where, when, and how they like to write; what they know about the English language and writing style as opposed to their own. This will tie in thematically with how to be a good student in an American high school (understanding how to do it and learning how). I'll then proceed to their opinions on homework and tests, and compare our system to the one from which they came. These topics use the present and past tenses, which I am reviewing in the grammar class. I like to have a purpose and meaning for the lessons I plan, and want the students to be able to think about and immediately apply what they are learning in the way of skills. Whatever I can bring in that is relevant to their lives takes on an interesting meaning to them. They relate better to something of high interest and personal involvement. We will move into challenge what this means and what the challenges for them this year will be. * * * * * 166

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9/5/90 Today in Reading and Writing we started on combining sentences. The lesson was weak because there wasn't time to develop it. This was my fault because I chose to take a few minutes to celebrate Yoke's birthday and to go over some vocabulary After giving them an assignment to combine 3 attributes of a good teacher into one sentence, most of the students were writing three separate sentences. I tend to forget how basic in understanding this particular group is at this time of year. They were following directions, but not completely. I will have to demonstrate again, probably tomorrow. I don't want to drive 11the good teacher" into the wall, but they need to work more on the skill. * * * * * The English language is full of exceptions, and one thing I have learned over the years as an ESL teacher is that students are easily confused with a heavy dose of rules. Therefore, I prefer to teach rules as they come up in the classroom. If I note an opportunity to point something out, I will rather than making a separate lesson out of it .. Today we were working on sentence combining and I taught the students the rule for commas that the commas separate the first two or three adjectives, but do not come between the last two and the "and." * * * * * 9/7/90 This week ended up well. Most of the boys got on the soccer teams, and are feeling good about their successes there. This runs over into the classroom where self esteem and positive feelings are so much a part of a student's learning . The heaviness of the dosage of English that they must endure on a daily basis is lifted a bit by the physical sport they are participating in. I like the students very much. They are a good group and will become close friends. So far, the age and 167

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grade differences have seemingly not made a difference . I can see the growth in the way of getting back into writing this week .. attempts to use new vocabulary, compound and complex sentences, and correct punctuation. The verb tenses are not in line, so I'll hit that hard in the grammar class. * * * * * I'm beginning to see patterns in the writing of the students. I'm making mental and written notes and will try to think of a way to help the students with their particular needs .. Hung needs help with run-on sentences. He tends to be very verbose in his writing, and forgets to punctuate. Loan's writing is usually grammatically correct, but it is dull. She needs some salt and pepper. Martina's writing is typical of what I usually see of European writing ... present continuous phrases, lack of capitals, etc., and Yoko presents the short, stilted sentence syndrome. She needs to work with sentence combining and the use of connectors and transition words. Each student is needy. Perhaps most days, I'll give mini-lessons on the little parts of writing that will improve their styles . 9/9/90 Sunday night. I've just graded papers and see that the sentence combining is done well when it is in an exercise form. Now I have to get the students to combine sentences when they are writing Tomorrow I will take the vocab. from the reading selection and ask them to write sentences using combinations. I also have to work with them on third person singular and with past tense. A lot of it will come with proper editing. They just don't check their work. I must provide them with a checklist. * * * * * 168

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9/11/90 I sometimes feel that writing, per se, gets the short end of the stick, because in order to mainstream and hold one's-own, a student needs so much vocabulary and listening (notetaking) practice. I do know, though, that the students who go through my program seem to do well in the mainstream, and that they, themselves, feel prepared. The teachers do not come back saying that they are particularly deficient, although I know that many forget a lot over the summer, etc. Of course, it takes 5-7 years of academic practice to get proficient enough to be on a par with native speakers, but the students seem to do fairly well .. To work in the line of writing, it helps to have Period 5 fall right after the reading and writing class, because I can have the students acquire the vocabulary and reading skills in the 4th and then reinforce with writing in the grammar the next period. Besides learning the elements of grammar, the students need to know how to apply them, so they write a lot there, too. * * * * * 9/15/90 Because my philosophy of teaching ESL is global, I do not hone in on one particular skill. Instead, I try to approach the study and use of language in a way that not only makes the students feel comfortable and interested, but also motivated, because the subject matter is reievant and of high Because these young people must understand so much all at once with their output on paper being comprehensible for a passing grade, I feel I must incorporate all the necessary skills into my lessons every day, and much like a spiral learning concept, continue to reinforce them and build upon them as they come up and are appropriate each week . Therefore, reading is a daily necessity for vocabulary and thinking in English, if for nothing else. Writing comes as an offshoot of reading. I take the reading topic and point out writing strategies from the text. What is the author's main point? How does he develop it? What 169

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are the details that support that? And then, when they are writing, I can ask the same questions ... Just being able to write in English right now is enough of a stressor for them. They are doing well, but feeling taxed. However, as I said to Jon on Friday, after he had thrown together a paragraph and had concluded it by chatting instead, he had better work harder if he wants to do well. I told him that I would be just like Mr. W in the story. If he didn't put effort into his products, he wouldn't be able to sell them to me. If he didn't work hard, he wouldn't learn. When I studied with Joan zamel, we discussed the importance of not taking the richness of the expression of another country away from a student by demanding that he write in a linear style. Of course, to me, at this time of year, fluency and the communicative ability is a confidence-builder and if the student is encouraged to write and be understood, he will quickly.access our style and writing expectations . As time progresses, I will be pointing out different elements of literature and having them incorporate them into their writing . mood, tone, voice, etc. I feel that the best writing comes from one's own experiences . At this time of the year, I am seeing what they CAN do, so I can assess what they NEED to learn to do. Tossing in an author's strategies opens their eyes and raises their consciousness for what goes into good writing. In ESL, there is no base from which to take off. There is only weak language, and that is the most important part to develop. 9/18/90 Today in class we worked on elements of English that students need to know if they are going to succeed in the study of the language . We went through such things (with examples) as the alphabet, and compared it to their systems, and we talked about consonants and vowels. We also touched on cursive vs. printed writing, and on the meanings of syllables (and how to divide and hyphenate), 170

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synonyms, antonyms and homonyms. We also talked about metaphors and similes (briefly) and about possessives, abbreviations and apostrophes, etc. The students took notes from the board, asked good questions, and got a lot out of this lesson. * * * * * 9/19/90 Today we finished a short story entitled "Antonio's First Day of School." I wanted the students to walk through this little boy's feelings and experiences upon leaving home for the first time, and draw parallels between his life and theirs Next, the students will write a composition describing their first few days or first month at WHS . I'm going to encourage them to get into their memories and feel the experience the goods and the bads, the differences, the expectations, etc., and then have them end their writing with what they hope to get out of the year. Thus, they will go from what they expected, or anticipated to what it actually was, to how they felt, something they'll never forget, and what they are going to do to insure that their year is good. It will be a length piece for them, but I want them to write . just write. I am not going to get hung up over form, but I am going to suggest that they look again at Antonio's piece and tell me what made it interesting to them or not. I hope they will notice that the writing contained dialogue and exclamations. It also contained similes and metaphors, and I'm going to encourage them, in the editing process, to see where they might insert them. This will help them get colorful in their composing, but let them write from the soul, at the same time. I haven't had them write anything lengthy as of yet, but this will be relevant as we end the first month (a month of new experiences and trauma for most) and move on to the new theme, "Challenge." * * * * * 171

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10/2/90 After a firm reality talk with The Hobbit and Martina's mother on Back School Night about the importance of insisting that her children work on their English and have regular study hours, I am seeing effort on the part of The Hobbit. It is making him feel better, too, and I know that his attitude has shifted for the better as a result of his improvement. He has had all kinds of excuses for not doing his work. Yesterday we began a discussion following the students' reading of "David and Goliath." Today we reviewed vocabulary, theme, conflict, etc. and then talked about the author's purpose as well as mine. Tonight they are to define a Goliath in their lives and their plan for slaying it. There were ten minutes left in the class today for them to use to begin this writing project . Asli was relieved to have an opportunity to write about her "Goliath," because she is trying to decide whether to graduate early and return to Turkey in January, or to wait it out until June. Monique, who is always resistant and sees no point to all of this (!), said that everything was perfect and that she had no Goliath. I suggested indirectly that perhaps her Goliath was her attitude. We'll see what she comes up with tomorrow. I think.this will be a difficult assignment forthe students, but I think it will be good for them to be introspective. 10/5/90 Next week we will start off with a vocabulary quiz that will close this story and then begin the film El Norte. This movie should take the whole week, because we will stop it, analyze and discuss and write throughout. students enjoy this movie because it ties into the theme of struggle, and it involves young people who also had to learn to leave their countries in order to survive. In addition, theyhave to learn English! * * * * * 172

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10/28/90 I'm looking forward to tomorrow because it is the first day of the second quarter . The second drafts of the writing assignments on El Norte and the characters were handed in last week, and were somewhat better, but only somewhat. I can see that I need to work with them with some more examples, because their revisions were often not rewrites, but instead, new drafts. Most of the students did a better job the second time around, but they're not where I would like them to be. I am thinking of xeroxing 1st and 2nd drafts from a writing book and giving them to the students for them to see how to do it. I think I have failed them in that I have not given them concrete examples that they can SEE .... I cannot give an A to a student who just shows me that he is trying. He has to prove to me that he has mastered, or almost mastered, the target material. Other teachers in language-oriented classes tend to feel sorry for these kids and do not give them attention to their grammar errors and writing deficits. Instead, they give them good grades for doing their best, and sometimes they deserve them but on an ESL standard, they usually don't. Colleges get upset when students with 4.0 GPA (or high) enroll and then find out they cannot write and read. students need to be served with realistic feedback . 11/1/90 I feel good today. After warnings and pep talks, and then the inevitable, the report cards, the students realize I mean business ... They know that an A or B in my ESL class is not easy to come by . that it has to be earned by doing all the things a good student should do by our agreement in September. That is, an A or B student must participate regularly in class, be there psychically as well as well as physically, and hand in his assignments on time. The work must be well-done, to the best of his ability. It must reflect what we have been working on, and if it requires a rewrite, 173

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I want to see that rewrite. I want to see new vocabulary in the journals or in the writing, and I want to see evidence of editing and checking. Students fall short of this, which to me is just organization and concentration, will not get an A or B even though they are present every day and hand in "something' every time. But most. importantly, the work must be reflecting effort and growth. When I see April writing in complete sentences and so on, but using the wrong tense of verbs consistently, I cannot give her an A. When I see Yuko writing incomplete sentences, I cannot do it for her, either, even though her thinking is great and her explanations are clear. The. reason is that I teach language development, through the mediums of reading and writing. The students are not checked just for reasoning or inference or comprehension. They are checked for correct usage of the language in speaking, reading, writing, etc. It was sobering to Jon to see a c on his report, when he most likely got higher grades in all his other classes. Today he had all his work done, and it was done well. I praised him for this, and said that I hoped he could keep it up. He participated well in. class, and didn't fool around Yoko was very participatory today. She did a lot of talking in her group and was really focused Even The Hobbit, the great procrastinator, had his homework done on time today, and came in to tell me that he had changed his creative side, and would be interested in knowing what I thought of his journal. (He's right! Even to GET a journal from him is a big deal!) .. Today was a good class. We reviewed the homework and then went over the vocab briefly for a test on Monday. We discussed the point of climax in the story, having a couple of different points of view. We also talked about personification using Poe's word, Death, as our example. We also discussed the meaning of the title before breaking into groups. The students were actively engaged in discussing a set of questions I gave them, and we will finish up tomorrow. We talked about Poe's popularity being his writing style, and went over 174

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the ways he used words and sentences to build suspense and mystery The Hobbit did a magnificent job when he spoke about reunification last Saturday, but of course, he didn't think so. For me, it's exciting to see his confidence build. If he is in an "up" mood, he can be dynamite, but he is such a perfectionist, he cannot allow himself to feel good most of the time. I see him loosening up and relaxing more in his spoken and written communication. His head is loaded with rules and formulae, and he is directed by them, at times, too much, in my opinion. When the students do their own "effect" writing, I will be interested in seeing how they use adjectives, and where they place them in sentences. The writing piece I plan to give them is creepy, scary and a good take-off point for lots of creative writing .. When they are writing, I think I will bring some waterfall music for the background, because the writing piece starts out with a cold day. The music can help create the mood. 11/7/90 I was pleased to read Hung's journal yesterday, in which he wrote about a time he remembered with his father. Hung wrote in the Poe style, carefully choosing words and repeating them to make his point. I was also happy to read Martina's in which she wrote about how much she had enjoyed Tell Tale Heart because of the WRITING STYLE!!! . I am going to talk once more about Poe and some of the effects he created. Then I am going to play water music and have them mention an effect they get from the sound sense of this "music." And then I am going to give them a writing piece that will be started, but which they must complete. I'll introduce it, and have them work on a separate sheet of paper. They can work in groups, slowly generating a list of words that will effect [sic] the reader's senses, and they'll work on this for the period. Depending on where they are by the time the bell rings, I'll collect their first efforts or better yet, have them work on them at home, and 175

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turn them in on Thursday. Friday, they will do some more work in class when they are with the sub. [They can discuss] some of the ways special effects that were utilized. Then the students can translate some of those sounds, smells, motions, etc., into words, and continue working with their writing. The final draft will be written on the original sheet of paper. I've decided to go with this because two, at least, students have shown me that they liked this writing style and are interested in more. . 11/13/90 I seem to be drying up as far as the journal writing goes. I'm always so busy writing material, creating workshops and doing committee work, etc., that it falls into a back seat category .. It's just that I don't take time to really think and produce an interesting piece .... I'm seeing consistent writing growth from Hung, who is using lots of nice similes and combined sentences. I am pleased with everyone's use of "stronger verbs" and more graphic descriptors . I'm going to work with the students on different forms of sentences so. that they don't always put the subject first. Jon seems to be the only one who puts adverbial clauses and phrases at the beginning of his sentences . Loan is too stilted. Mai is very "folksy." It's interesting to see what style the students adopt. It seems to complement their personalities and attitudes. 11/18/90 Good writers, in my op1n1on, have something to say. It might be nothing more than a brief description, a short memo, a retelling of an experience or an outline of how to do something, but whatever the case, a good writer makes his point clearly, and the reader understands him. In other words, the message or point of the writing is stated in such a way that it communicates something to the audience; it makes an effect on the reader. This, in turn, causes the reader to respond. He either continues to read, takes action by doing something, 176

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reacts to the emotional impact of the writing, ponders, discusses, or writes about it himself. Good writers are fluent ... they let their ideas flow and do not get stilted in their style. I think that style comes from fluidity, from letting go and seeing what evolves and I believe that one's personality comes out in his writing by the subjects, the story lihe and style of writing he chooses. I thinkthis is why many well-known writers are not really prolific in topics, .but instead, become known for a particular kind of writing. It's interesting to read bios of writers and see the impact that their lifestyle has on their material. So many write from their lives, personal agendas, heart .. So, I would reiterate that I think that good writers make an impact on their audience. They create a mood an atmosphere of suspense an aura of pain a believable situation . an essay worth digesting ... [The purpose of my comments on students' papers] has three parts. First, I want the students to be pushed to work hard to think about their writing, and to put some effort into choosing precise words that will create an effect. Because they are learning English and many words do not come to the fore, as is the case with a native speaker, I like to encourage them in a second draft to think of more graphic illustrations, etc. This way, they are recalling their learned vocabulary and applying it. I feel that if I don't encourage this, the students will fossilize on a level that will not expand. . I know that I learned from teachers who nudged me a little bit . So, in the context of ESL, I like to comment on different usage of words, and of different sentence structures. The students know that it means they will become better writers. Second, I want the students to feel that they are communicating with me as a reader, not the teacher. I do not want them to write to please their teacher, but instead, to write for a general audience, at this point, at least, and one that will not give them a grade I want them to feel that whatever they wrote was a good idea, a clear image, a nice comparison, a good choice of words. This 177

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builds up not only communication between teacher and student, but also self-esteem. Therefore, I like to add comments on the papers, especially at the end. I also put them on the first and second drafts. The third reason I use comments is to point out where a student has become lax in his use of the grammar that we have been studying. sometimes a student does not apply what he has learned to his writing in other classes or in other forums, and this needs to be called to his attention. I do not like to make a fuss over many errors, but when there is a consistency or pattern, t feel it is more appropriate to call it to his attention. (Ex. Your use of the past tense needs to be checked.) When assessing writing, I think a teacher has to look for the students' ideas . for thinking . for communicating on paper, and for effort that he is making in using new vocabulary and forms of language, such as figurative speech, etc. I don't like to be too picky about linear writing or grammar in the beginning. Instead, I like the students to enjoy writing, making their point, and creating some organization out of it. Writing must be from one's soul, and it cannot be framed or developed in a box. This might sound contradictory to what one might see in my classroom, and this is why it is such a challenge to the ESL teacher. The ESL students need so much more just to_be able to use the language in an appropriate context. They need to be taught so much more than aLl !_feel that each student is an individual and his writing style reflects his personality. I can see that Jenny cannot be bothere_d too much. She has other things-on her agenda, and does not want to polish her efforts to the extent that Asli might, for example. Another example would be The Hobbit, who is so technical and precise that he agonizes over the exact word and expression, often necessitating late papers or none at all, as well as much frustration. He admits he is a perfectionist, but free writing is so hard for him, and it is difficult to just let it come. He. is much better with the detail of left brained math and science, and is uncomfortable with sharing feelings. He really likes to explain things 178

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and when we do process_writing, he will probably excel. I see great fluidity in journals, but I see cramped-up writing when there is a grade to be attached. I think the writing teacher has to be consistent and fair, and to have covered what he or she thinks is important to see reflected in the products, but that each child has a unique personality and style that need to be encouraged. After reading it ["The Tell-Tale Heart"] together from the first to the end, and pointing out the play of words and sounds, along with sentence structure, to create a mood and effect, I chose a writing exercise that started off the same way. I was hoping the students would read the first few sentences that headed this paragraph or story off, and carry on with the style of Poe or that writer and finish it. In other words; it was to practice what they'd learned, and overall, I feel they did a good job. I was interested in whether or not they could keep the storyline going. A couple digressed and the first and last parts of the story-did not gel. They'll have to work on this, as I've commented. I also complimented those who used good figurative language (metaphors and similes) because I have made a point of showing them that visual imagery helps the reader see a: picture of what the writer is communicating. I also wanted to see that they could end the story appropriately that_ it connected with the rest of the story, and didn't leave the reader dangling. -* * * * * 11/25/90 I love it when the grammar can connect with the reading and writing. It is more meaningful and makes sense when it can be relevant to what is being learned. * * * * * 179

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12/2/90 I see Hung's writing as reflective of his personality. He is fluid, expressive and emotive. He tries to use figurative language as he emulates the writers we have read from .. To the best of his ability, he uses colorful language .. adjectives, adverbs, similes, metaphors, etc. He is a bit random, not checking his work for mechanics, etc. He'd rather get it out, and he does. Often his journal or first draft is one long .sentence, but in that. long sentence is good stuff! He isn't hung up on appearance in his writing, as opposed to some students who labor over perfect letter formation and so Hung's writing is sometimes illegible and more than once I've asked him to use a #2 pencil because he presses so lightly I can't read it. Again, the ideas and FEELINGS that come out in Hung's writing override the secondary details such as the aforementioned. Hung's weakness is his lack of interest in doing the checklist he has to be sat down and asked about his punctuation and grammar. He's random in style, and doesn't want to muddy the waters with checking it. . April writes.well, but in a more stilted style from Hung. Her weakness is grammar and syntax, but her strength is organization. I feel that April does not check her work thoroughly, so has somewhat fossilized on certain errors ... verb forms, subject-verb agreement, participles, etc. I feel she labors over the first draft, and doesn't just write. When she does a 2nd draft, it comes back with hard-pressed penmanship, and many of the same errors, because she is concentrating on ideas but feeling frustrated about how to say them. April is conversational in style [Jon] is almost hyper sits forward in the seat in class, cannot wait to spe.ak, stutters when his turncomes, and seems agitated. When you see him .j.n the halls, he is almost running, and he often hands in assignments late .. Jon is greatly concerned with getting on with English. He often asks for short cuts and quick fixes, but when explaining to him where I see errors, or asking him to re-examine a piece, he gets impatient and cuts me 180

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off with "I see, I Okay, okay." As a result of this style of his, his writing is, to me, a rushed effort most of the time. He turns it in without a conclusion, or without an introduction, or with many run-on sentences. Jon uses compound-complex sentences, and does that better than most students in the class, but his work is rushed. It's often quite expressive, too, with colorful words and descriptors ... I see an improvement in his writing since the quarter when he got a c. He was disappointed in this grade, but he hadn't handed in many assignments, and most of the ones he had done were late .. Like many other Koreans, his interest is in rules and in grammar . the ideas and thinking about much of the material are less important to him. He wants correct grammar, and that's where I see the effort showing in his writing. But he never seems satisfied, and always asks me if it is good. He works on his sentences. This is good. The other will catch up in time. He has potential and is obviously bright. Asli writes in the style of a mature adult, using formulae "as a matter of fact," "as it were," etc. Asli prefers to display her English writing ability in advanced grammatical form and complex sentences. She is a detail person . mechanics are very important, as is punctuation . Seldom do I teach something that does not reappear in her journal or in her writing immediately. If she has not grasped something, she is in my office that very day, or at my desk at the beginning of the next class. She is interested in law or in being an ambassador, and attention to fact, detail, and correct structure and pronunciation are very important to Asli ... 1/4/91 My main concern as I ramble along here is that the grammar is pretty well understood and most often used well, but when it is applied to writing, I see a downfall. I know that it has improved, but in students like Hung and April, I am not pleased. They are careless and do not proof well. I will have to sit on them. Jenny is another one. She is 181

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sloppy and rushes too much. I would like to spend some time with Loan to liven up her writing. It is dull to me, and yet, she is grammatically accurate. She needs a little spark. Pawel is really improving, even in his grammar. He showed in December that he could write in complex sentences, and with the exception of his propensity for inserting commas all over the place, he is showing a nice flair ... The Hobbit's getting very fluent in conversation and in writing. He is unaware of his development and progression, I think, and when I compliment him, he acts as if he doesn't believe it. * * * * * 1/18/91 ESL students are learning the English language, and my course is designed to foster their language development. Writing plays an important role in this because it is the tool they use to express themselves on paper. When learning a language, all learners acquire an aural comprehension first, and then learn to respond to the meaning of the sounds by speaking back. This communication suffices for interchange with people in person, but one of the other dimensions of language is writing. Writing must be introduced early, in my opinion, when the learner is in an academic setting First it is reinforcement of what is heard, and then it is used for communication on paper. I see writing as a means of expression, of catharting, of free associating, of asking questions and seeking answers, of practicing new forms and new vocabulary and of establishing a relationship with the reader. Perhaps at times it is an occasion for students to demonstrate knowledge, while at others it is a time for them to discover something about themselves. However, my goal in the first semester is for students to feel comfortable with their expressions in English and to let the fluidity flow. I want them to be able to let their thoughts come out without feeling "hung up" over correctness. I know that, for myself, being accepted and understood in a foreign language is much more important to me 182

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at first than producing a perfect accent, a syntactically correct sentence or thought, and a "red-mark free" paper. over the years I have heard ESL students elatedly relate that they have gotten an A or B on a written assignment, or that they have spoken to an American who has understood him or her! I know, from these many sharings, of the importance of building up the confidence before anything else. I also know that many international students do not have a high level of self-esteem when they are "starting all over" in our country ... This level of comfort, writing about themselves and of subjects of interest or relevance to their own lives is important to me and for them. As their ESL teacher, I try to direct them to remember specific things, and I encourage them to take note of particular styles from readings, etc., but basically, I do not get too structured in my lessons until after the first semester. By then, they seem ready for something besides narrative or story-telling form. The role I see writing playing in the first months of the year is not particularly pragmatic, as in business letter writing, argument or persuasion, description or expository writing. Rather, it is just what I call writing . the getting out of thoughts and ideas, and being able to be understood. It is more or less language development. I first want to establish a relationship with the students through their writing. By having them write their ideas for what makes a good teacher and student, I clear up the cultural and get an indication of thinking, background, expectations and writing ability. I think that it is important to establish a mutual understanding early in the year, since the students have such diverse backgrounds. From there, I want them to look not.at "a good student," but what they as students want from the year and of themselves. This personalizes the writing still unstructured, for the most part, but makes them look at themselves and examine their goals. Where are the hurdles? What will they do about them? How do they see themselves next to David andjor Goliath? 183

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From there, we watched a movie (EL Norte) with two characters who had to overcome some obstacles in order to survive. How were the ESL students similar and how were they different in their own obstacles in acculturating and acquiring a second language in a strange country? ... more self analysis, internalizing and getting to know oneself ... After that, it was time for Halloween and some Edgar Allen Poe. It was also time to examine style from a famous writer. The students then wrote scary stories which emulated Poe's style. They became aware of the use of pauses and dashes, plus repetition for effect. . In deciding on the sequence of writing assignments, I vary it from year to year .. First and foremost interest. A topic must be of interest to the student ... They need information, and they need their emotions to be engaged. They also need to think about where they fit into the broader scheme of things. Second, our assignments must be something about which they will think and personalize to their own situation .. I always tie it in with something we have read or will be reading, so there is a reinforcement of vocabulary or a way to point out a different style of expression. We seldom "just write." . But whatever or wherever, we will always tie it together in a goal of a particular skill or skills in writing, and relate it to culture or to the time of year. sometimes I feel I am too random with my expectations for the students in writing. I may be, but I have a hard time giving each of them what he needs in a large class of diversity .... I teach with the regular English curriculum in mind, making sure the students know the meaning of the words they will be expected to know once mainstreamed. For example, irony,. literary terms, compound-complex sentences, etc. I also require the same use of thinking skills and writing assignments, from sentences, paragraphs all the way to essays and research papers. Of course, research shows us that it takes from 5-7 years for an L2 student to become proficient in English in an academic sense, but this 184

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does not mean that he is not cognitively capable and able to function in a regular classroom. He just takes time to refine his syntax and other primitive uses of the language. . I like to advise [mainstream] teachers to have the same expectations of the ESL students, but to understand that if the communication is not perfect, to look for the core objectives of the content and lessons. If the students have gotten the main point, can point out how, what, where, etc., and can demonstrate on paper or otherwise that they have acquired the knowledge, it doesn't matter at this point in time whether their grammar, etc. is excellent. This can go the other way, too, though, especially in the English classes. The students, if not shown patterns of errors, will fossilize and never become aware of their mistakes. So, I tell teachers to watch for patterns of errors, and to choose one or two to point on for extra help for the student. Most of the students we get go on to college. We have to prepare them as best we can, and this is difficult when they have just had 2 or 3 years in our academic program. 185

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APPENDIX B EDITED TRANSCRIPTS OF INTERVIEWS WITH MRS. MARSHALL Mrs. Marshall. 10/14/91 M: I start them at different places according to what I think is the area I haven't covered in the oral assessment or in reading or in discussion. If they're orally proficient and have fairly strong listening skills and their past tense is a little bit weak but not totally, they're perfect candidates for ESL II 'cause we start right in with the past tense. But if they don't know a lot of things--they can't put a sentence together, even a simple sentence, you see, it's ESL I ... I'll tell you--a lot of the reasons I spend a lot of time with them on an individual basis in the beginning to make them feel comfortable because they've come from environments where there's a lot of testing .. I don't want to cut them off and say "OK, that's all I need to see" when they haven't had a chance--in their way of doing it--to prove something. 186

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Mrs. Marshall, 10/15/92 M: Iwas looking at things I taught them that weren't being practiced. I try to encourage them to write, but if they just write and they don't have any correction, they don't ever think, they don't learn how to check it for certain things. . Perhaps at times I supplied what they were trying to say the proper way so that when they rewrote it they'd maybe get the practice of doing it correctly . With The Hobbit, he was so nitpicky he wanted it. I'd point out as much as I could for him; he had one year to do it in, and he was always in my office going over that or arguing a point, and so was Asli. You know they came for a lot of extra help ... I know.that if I were teaching a college class or a regular class, I'd give them more time to write and revise and do that, but it can drag on in ESL so long and it's a reading and a writing class and I like working with them on an individual basis. I think that's always a dynamic I've had, that I'm teaching two classes in one and the kids always want a lot of vocabulary and unless you keep it coming through the reading, which I believe is the way to give it to them, then they're going to get anxious that they're not learning enough words, so it is a kind of a rushed thing . I sped them along and they didn't really sit down and revise the way someone in a writing class per se, given more time, would do .. The other part is being able to function in the mainstream with comfort because their whole day is academically oriented the point of the matter is, they have to do well in high school in all their classes and so I didn't want to spend two weeks on one assignment, I wanted reading to go on in between and writing to go on and tie them together and then if we're working on the grammar, apply it through what they're doing so they're using it. they like the vocabulary the way I teach it because it's reinforced a lot in two classes and they also say they like it because they can tie it into a context and use it in their journals and they also say they'd like to have had more and so I've always tried to give them 187

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more by not prolonging things forever. Also I believe in a thematic and an integrated approach, and so I don't believe in anything in isolation. know, if you're learning to read, then you need to be able to write about that and if you're going to write, you need to know the structure and you need to know the grammar . so I really like to do it holistically I believe that it's more effective in the long run and I get that feedback from the kids .. [Speaking about another ESL teacher who teaches at the elementary level] her philosophy is just let them express themselves, you know, just dance through the paper . she doesn't teach them mechanics, she doesn't teach them a lot of things and so they come minus a lot of skills .. For academic purposes you have to learn some form because you have to fit.into a system that's going to expect it. If you're just expressive, I think that's really nice and it would be great in creative writing or some other place,but when you're expected to know certain things--the teachers the following year or the next semester will not take the time because they're just not able to, to give you lessons, and I deal with that at least once a week with some teacher coming in saying, "This student belongs in the class but has never done a research paper and I don't have time to teach it. Will you do it?" so I try to do what the other teachers do. Now the other teachers get kids who come with something, and a lot of these kids come without because they haven't capitalized, they haven't paragraphed, they haven't used our forms, they haven't used the linear form, they haven't used the same punctuation or even left to right style If they're going to be competing.against the American world, which.most of them are, then they've got to be able to compete and I've got a very short time to do it .. 188

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APPENDIX C EDITED TRANSCRIPTS OF STUDENT INTERVIEWS April April. 11/16/90 [April and I begin by.talking about her family. The youngest of three children, 16-year old April is living with an older brother while she waits for her parents to emigrate from Malaysia.] A: Right. I don't know--people told my mom that she born me--my first brother because he born and my mom and my dad, they say, "I hope this is a daughter," but it is my first 5 brother and the second one, they thought, "Oh, this is girl, must be girl," but still boy, so they say, "I. don't want any baby anymore." But after twelve year, her friend say,_ "Hey, youjust try, maybe this is a gitl." So they 10 try, so--and mel Q: And how long did you say you've been here in the United States? A: a months. Before Christmas last December. * * * * * 15 Q: How long have you been learning, studying English? A: I've been learning English in Malaysia for years. But they not, in Malaysia they don't 189

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think English is important, so they suggest 20 you study Malay better than English. So my Malay is better than my English and my Chinese is better than Malay. * * * * * Q: Which dialects of Chinese do you speak? 25 A: Mandarin, Cantonese, and Hakka. * * * * * A: I have an uncle who is American so I can speak English to him. Q: He lives here then? 30 A: No, he lives in Loveland. He comes here with his wife every other sunday; my auntie, my auntie's Chinese-American. He has a son, but his son he doesn't speak the Chinese. He doesn't know any Chinese because my uncle 35 says--my uncle asked my aunt does not teach him Chinese because when they speak Chinese, he doesn't know what people say so we all have to speak English. * * * * * 40 Q: Could you tell me a little about the kinds of English classes you had back in Malaysia? What kinds of things you did? How much writing you did? A: I learned for years, but I think we learned 45 about the same thing like it's very simple grammar, just like 11She is girl. She is come to my--she's came to my house after 4 o'clock," but we also have learn past tense and past participle. . 50 * * * * * 190

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( Q: So first you think in Chinese, then--you write it in Chinese first? A: No, I just write in English. Then I give 55 it my brother: "Wow, is itChinese or English?" English or Chinese language . Q: So sounds like you've got somebody at home, your brother is able to help you with the language. 60 A: But this Saturday he was very busy, so I can't learn. But when my brother was busy, so my teacher will be my dictionary. Q: Did you like writing that assignment [the scary story]? 65 A: Mmmm. So-so. Not really. Q: What did you like about it? A: Like about it? Half was scary, half is like a joke. Q: OK, so you liked being able to put some 70 feeling--A: Yeah, some feeling was scary, but after that you feel it was funny like a joke_so I like that kind. Q: And what didn't you like about it? 75 A: I didn't like it. I think about it. I don't like to continue the story. Q: Would you rather have where you wrote the whole story? A: Umhmmm. You mean that when I read it, like ao the story is here and_you're going to continue it and I want to think about what I can do or 191

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write down, how to continue the story, you know. Q: Was it the fact that you had to put 85 yourself in someone else's mind? A: Mmmhmmm. Q: Did you feel someone else wrote this and now I've got to see what--A: What happened and then I will write, but I 90 don't like write a long story. I like write a joke like in Chinese, just like a short sentence, but when you read it, you feel it's funny. Q: So if I understand you correctly--tell me 95 if I'm wrong--where you had to finish someone else's story, you didn.'t like that--you would rather, have written the whole thing yourself? A: Mmmhmmm. But I don't like write story. * * * * * 100 Q: If you think about yourself as a writer, what are your good points, your strengths? What do you do well? A: Make the story more interesting. Q: so you're good at making something 105 interesting? A: Yeah, I think. Q: How do you do that? A: I don't know. Before I come here, I read many like the joke book. But when I come 110 here, Mrs. Marshall always ask us write a story like this. I just use that idea like 192

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that one 11! stay alone at home." I got that idea from the Chinese. * * * * * 115 Q:-What else do you do well as a writer in English? A: Am I do well? I didn't make the story go too much boring, don't make the reader go to sleep. Just make it like very exciting .. 120 Q: Then if you think about the other side of things--we've thought about what you do well-are there some things you don't do well? A: I don't do well--! don't usually use the word which I learn from Mrs. Marshall's class L25 like when we were in class and we learn the word like someone kill her, what, "Pierce eyes." When I to the other person, I never use that. Q: You're saying in terms of your vocabulary. L30 A: Yeah. In grammar.class, we learn the grammar like past participle and then we use but never this. Q: Whatis good writing? What does a good writer do? L35 A: Make the story more interesting, -exciting. Many things you cannot imagine. At the beginning, oh, it's like he very poor and he work hard, very hard, very hard, and you must think at the end he must be very rich, but at L40 last he still poor. Q: So you need to make it interesting. A: And make the story so the reader cannot think about the end. When you read the story, then when you haven't finished yet--193

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.45 there's just about 2 pages--"Oh, I know the end"--some of the stories you know when you read, so I. know the end--when people it's different the end. Q: Anything else you can think of? what about .50 school writing? Like Mrs. Marshall had you write about your Goliath. What would make a paper like that good? A: I think that's easy more than write a story because it's talking about yourself 55 Q: When you have a writing activity, how do you do that? What would you do from start to finish? A: When she tell us we must do this, I want to think about what I'm going to write about the .60 idea--just thinkabout that. When I'm home, I just start the story and think about the story go like the steps, higher and higher. Q: Let's see--so you start thinking about the ideas and where the story is going to go 65 A: Yeah. Then after that, I write that, then I write a story. Then I give my brother--he [makes crossing out motions]. Q: so here you are, April, sitting at home, thinking of an idea. Do you-.70 A: Like I start like the story talking about myself, I put down one and my favorite--how I am--my family--things like this. This is you only put one thing together. Like my favorite thing, I put it with my .75 hobby. I put it into one paragraph like this. * * * * * Q: So you get the words and then you write. Are they in English or Chinese? 194

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A: Sometimes I think--my brother say, "You 1 learp English, you want to know what's that mean." The word when I don't understand what that mean--iike the word "kill"--I don't know what's that mean--the best way I use the English because I use English to explain 185 English. If I use Chinese to explain English; it's.more slow.to me to learn English. The fast way is English-English. * * * * A: I still use Chinese.w6rds. I think in 190 Chinese, but I write down in English because if I write Chinese then English, it's waste my time. * * * * * Q: What are you conc.erned about with that 195 first draft? A: The main idea--what I'm going to tell. Q: So ideas are most important then? A: Uhhuh. Q: So here's your first draft. What happens 200 next? A: i finish all the story, then check it, sometimes correct just grammar. Q: Then you go back to look at the grammar. A: Sometime I don't, so I get many--Mrs. 205 Marshall say, "Past tense, past tense. . Rewrite again if I don't check it. I check my story just 1 or 2 times. Q: so you have a first draft. Then you'd write another draft, usually checking that one 210 for grammar. 195

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A: No, because the first draft when I write down like 11I am going,11 sometimes, no, 11I went,11 no. Sometimes I cut these words and I write the--so second one is more clean. 215 * * * * * A: Mmmhmm. If I take it to him, I must give the first draft to him. I don't want use the second one because if I get a second one, I must write a third time. You know what I 220 mean? Q: Oh, so you like to get his input very early so you don't have to write another draft. Where do you get most of your ideas for writing? 225 A: Sometimes in the movies, the cartoons, sometime i just--when my brother he talk to his friend, I just listen what happened to him. Sometimes I use his stories. * * * * * 230 196

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April. 11/19/90 [I start by asking April to tell me more about her writing process.] A: I always use a dictionary. I use 2 different.kinds. This one is Malay, other one 5 is Chinese. * * * * * A: When I write this story, I always turn on the music. : I don't know--when I do my homework, I always turn on the music. If I 10 don't hear the music, I feel so quiet. I must turn on the music. Q: Anything else? I think on Friday you mentioned a lot of times you'll jot down ideas first and. then you work from that to write 15 your sentences. What's most important to you when you're writing, let's say, a first draft? A: My idea. Q: Getting ideas down first? A: Yeah and sentence. 20 Q: Do you worry about sentences later or go back and fix the language after you've gotten ideas down or--A: Usually, I don't check it, I don't read it again. I just think, "Oh, I'm finished," and 25 just put it in my notebook. . In the first draft, I just write the story and when I'm finished, I just sometimes like correct the past t.ense and second paper, I write it like cleaner. This is more good than this one 30 because here's many correct words here. sometimes I whenI just copy them so I have made that and then read it, "Oh, something 197

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wrong, tl so I like correct it. Usually I don't read it again my second draft. 35 Q: Oh, when you're doing the second -draft then, it's basically just copying down the first draft with the corrections or changes. A: Yeah. After I finish the second draft, I just put it away; I don't want to see it 40 again. Q: You mentioned you sometimes get your ideas from the Chinese books that you read--joke books--and A: Sometime what happen in the real person, 45 something interesting from my brother friend. I use it, I use the idea. Q: Do you enjoy sharing your writing with other people? I know you mentioned having your brother look at your things to correct 50 them, to see if they're acceptable. Do you enjoy reading your things to other people or sharing? A: Enjoy read the other people? Not really, because I don't really like what I was writing 55 down in my paper so how come--so I don't ask other people like my story. So I don't like sharing. Q: Do you think you learn anything from reading other people's writing? Like other 60 people in the class? A: Yes. I just find out how they write a sentence, how they use the word--vocabulary--I .always look at Asli 's. Q: What do you like about Asli's work? 65 A: When I read her, I feel very--it's not like I'm going to--When I read her story, I like it 198

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because I always make the mistake on the past. tense, the past participle, but Asli have done this very good, so I always look at how's the 70 participle used in the sentence. Q: OK, so you're looking especially--in her work you're looking to see how she handles things that you have trouble with, like the past tense. 75 A: Yeah. so one thing, I think in these writing classes, I chose Asli be my partner. * * * * * A: Same I read to my brother then I just when I do the story.. "Oh, got something wrong. I ao don't know what happened. What is the wrong?" So I give him to correct it. So I think, "Oh, it's OK," so I don't.show him. Q: What's important to you when you're writing? What are some things you try to do? 85 What's important to you about your writing? A.: Ideas, I think, the words, the-vocabulary, I think idea. Q: What makes an idea important to you? A: I don't know. Sometime I want to look at 90 the title. If the title is sad, so the idea must be sad, terrible. If the story interesting, then I. want to make very interesting, make the people, make the reader feels funny--laugh--when he read my story . 95 I like funny mood, but if she [Mrs. Marshall] give me title--your future--what you're going to do in the second semester-then I must make lt funny ways--make it interesting--! don.1t want must make it sad-LOO just except that sad title that my Grandmom died--then I will make it sad, sad. 199

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* * * * * Q: What are some strategies--a strategy is a plan or a trick or a tool--what are some 105 things you use tohelp you write? A: I don't know. I write a story. I just sit down here and let it just come out by writing. I don't think something like I say, "Oh, I get it." 110 Q: If you think back about all the writing you've done this semester, which for you was the best writing experience so far? A: That one--"I stay home all alone"--that one--"-My parent go to my aunt house and"-115 Q: What did you like about that? A: For make it scary, just make it interesting. I use a lot of word like "Phew!" Q: Yes, I noticed you used a lot of dialogue. It was interesting to read. 120 A: How did you feel when you read my story? Q: I thought it was good. I was very impressed because these are the same things I've worked on with mystudents in my college class. It's interesting--you use good verbs--125 "screaming." A: Yeah. This one is my brother corrected. He say, "What?" I just say "Eeeek!" in the first draft, and I give it to my brother to correct, and he say, "Not 'I say,' 'I 130 scream'." So I change it. [At this point I talk about some of the effective imagery in April's piece and note the twist in her ending.] 200

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A: Yeah, it'S,real, it's real. I just live 135 with my little. and he open my door and come in .... I used the real things, what happened to me. So my nephew always do this. * * * * * Q: One thing I'm looking at is how students 140 respond to Mrs. Marshall, the teacher's comments. What do you think Mrs. Marshall is looking for when she's reading your papers? A: What did I learn from the class, did I use the word or adjective to open my chap--my L45 story. Q: What do you tpink she was to see in these papers? A: I wrote this story after we read "The TellTale Heart" and I will use this kind of L50 word--"Eeeek" and "Aaaah"--so I will use word. I never use this--how do you call it? [points to a long dash in her text]. Yeah, I never use this before, but after I read it, I just tried it . This one I didn't use. I use this L55 one. [Points to an exclamation mark] Q: So sounds like in some ways--you took at least 2--these things here--the exclamation mark and then the long dash--2 new things you used in your writing. Was there anything else L60 that you used? A: I just--I don't like "The Tell-Tale Heart" this story because it just kind of scare only. I want to get like funny, so I just change my story to make it scare and funny. so I like L65 to watch this kind of movie. * * * * * A: I never change one thing the way I wrote this--I always use I, I, I, I, I tried, I 201

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thought, I know, I was, and I, I, !--always I . 70 I don't know how to use the other word like how to explain myself, so I always use I, I, I. I like this one [refers to the piece]. * * * * * Q: What do you find most helpful when you're .75 working through different drafts of a paper? Like here was the first draft Mrs. Marshall saw. What did she do here that helped you? A: Like correct the verb, the past tense--! always make a mistake on the past tense .... 80 and spelling; how to use the grammar ... * * * * * Q: When you read the comments on your second draft, this final draft, what do you feel about yourself? .85 A: I think it's good. Q: What message do you get-besides it's good? A: That mean I done right, I used the new word, the new way to write my story. Q: What's it mean to you when she says, 11The .90 action you created with words was fast, quick moving11? A: I like fast, I don't like slow. Q: When you look at this paper, can you tell me what was important to you as you wrote it? .95 You've mentioned creating a scary, kind of a frightening mood, and then adding a little bit of a humorous twist at the end, a surprise. A: I just make people understand what I want they get to feel. Like I want they feel 202

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200 scary, then they get it. So I think Mrs. Marshall get my idea. Q: When you get a paper back, what do you look at first? A: What did she say and what did I get for my 205 grade. If I got a C or B, then I know my writing or my vocabulary is I make a mistake on this, so after that I can read what I'm doing--so--Q: So first you go to the grade-210 A: Right! Q: And then you look to see why. A: Why, why I got this. Q: How did you feel when you read the rough draft? When she says "good," "great?". 215 A: I think she thinks the way I write the idea I write down--this is good idea or thiS make it interesting so she say this "good," "great" or she just say she felt--I find the story-just use the word what I was learning from the 220 class, so she feel that's great. Q: You mentioned when you write you like to have music on. Is there a particular place you like to write? A: On my desk. On my own desk. I don't like 225 to write in library or classroom. I don't get an idea because I cannot hear the music. * * * * * A: Make it [the scary story] funny. At last I want people laugh. I don't want "Oh, my God, 230 I scare, I scare." I want happy end, funny the end. So I like that. At the end I just 203

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said, "My little nephew threw the water on me.11 This make people funny. Q: If you think back to all the writing you've 235 done this semester, which one if you had to choose a piece that you didn't like very much, that you did not enjoy writing, can you think of one? A: How I think about the character in the 240 movie. * * * * * A: Because I must sit on my table and think what did he do, what he did well, what he didn't done well. So I must write about 110h, 245 I think he's good because he's done this, he's done this, why I think about this--because, because, because." It's not mine, so it's hard to explain. This writer--writing-explain myself is easy because I know myself more than anything, so I can explain many thing. * * * * * A: Yeah. Mrs. Marshall always ask if you write she's good, she's nice, you want to tell 255 why you think about her--because she do this, she does this, and did this and did this and why you think this? I think because she-explain all this thing. 204

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April. 11/26/90 Q: When you get a writing assignment back, how much of it do you usually read over? Do you read over all of it? Some of it? None of it? A: I just read what she correct. She just 5 make a circle on this word. I see what happened--oh, past tense. Q: So you're looking--when you read back through, you're looking to see where she has marked. 10 A: Yeah, because I know what did I done before, so I don't have read again. I just read what she mark. Q: OK, like this here: "The hair on my body were standing straight." Would you 15 read the whole sentence _or just kind of around in here--11body was" or 11hair on my body was?11 A: The first time I just read this word. Then I think what's wrong? 11Was.11 Then I read the sentenee, then I try to correct it. 20 Q: OK. How many of the teacher's corrections do you give thoughtful attention to? If you look at this, would you say all of them? Most of them? Some of them? Just a few of the markings? Or none of them? 25 * * * * * A: Yeah, sometime I don't look at them. If I get A or B, here just 1 or 2 circle, I just forget. Q: So over here on your final draft, when you 30 get a grade and a comment at the top, you'll look at mostly the grade.and the comments? A: Mmmhmm. 205

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Q: And how about the rest here? Would you look at that very closely? 35 A: If she said, "You must correct this or make sure the sentence or what--uh--pay attention your past tense or what," then I will look it again. If she just say, "Nice job, done very well, excellent," I say, "No mistakes." 40 Q: OK, so you wouldn't look back here, like over here, we have "fro zed .. was changed to "frozen." So you're not likely to see that. A: No. Q: When you think about the types of comments 45 that Mrs. Marshall makes, how would you describe them? Does she use a lot of symbols? A symbol would be a--like little markings--a question mark or the circle, I guess. Which of these do you think she uses the most? 50 Symbols? Single words? Phrase? A phrase would be like "good job." A: I think she use all of them. Sometimes she circles, sometimes she just cut the word and write down the correct word here. I think she 55 use everything. * * * * * A: Mmmm. Sometimes she didn't write a comment on my paper. She just circle the wrong word and correct it and give me a grade. 60 * * * * * A: I think she read the whole story and correct. Sometime she correct the whole sentence or the whole paragraph. Q: Would you say she pays a lot of attention 65 to grammar? 206

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A: Yeah, grammar. Q: How about vocabulary? Very many comments on vocabulary, the words? A: -I don't think so because I usually didn't 70 use the vocabulary, I didn't use a lot of words. She just correct the grammar, not the vocabulary. * * * * * A: I don't think she pay attention on our 75 ideas. I think she just pay attention just what did we learn, use the grammar, the vocabulary. I think these two's important. * * * * * Q: How about grammar? Do you pay a lot of 80 attention usually? A: Yeah, I try to pay attention on because I always wrong my grammar. --I pay more attention on the past past participle because this is my 85 * * * * * my grammar Grammar's tense and weakness. A: I write this story I must pay attention how the teacher felt what did I write and she say, "Great." She feels good, then I feel good, too. 90 * * * * * Q: Have there been any times when you didn't understand a comment? A: No. I think every time when she wrote the comment she use the simple English, so so I 95 can understand. 207

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Q: What would you do if you didn't understand a comment? A: Use the dictionary. Sometimes ask my friend, "What did she say?" 100 Q: Would you ask Mrs. Marshall? A: Sometimes I ask. Usually she say, "Rewrite this again, correct this again." Then I will go ask her what happened here, how to correct this. 105 Q: so if you got a comment like "You need to rewrite this," then you'd go. A: Sometimes she say, "See me." * * * * * A: I don't think I'm doing very good because 110 sometime I don't share my idea in group all the time. Q: You're saying you can't or you--A: Sometime like Mrs. Marshall say, "Any idea? Any answer?" I get the answer, but I don't l15 know how to say it, I just forget it. I can't share my ideas. Q: So it's like you have the ideas, but sometimes it's hard to--A: Express. l20 Q: Yeah, to get them out. A: So just forget. Q: What do you think Mrs. Marshall is most interested in? If you think back over all the papers and exercises and things, what message 208

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125 do you think Mrs. Marshall is sending to you about yourself as a writer? A: She always commenting on my grammar, the past tense. * * * * * 130 A: Yeah, what I need is talk. My uncle told me talk is more helpful than read. I always quiet in my math class. I don't say anything in my math class, just do my homework. I just talk to my frierid--one American friend. My 135 teacher said, "You need a friend like this." So she just sit in front of me and one American friend sit behind me. I think sometimes friends is helpful than teacher. Sometime the student have their own way to do 140 it. It's different from the teacher. Like my way is different from the teacher's. I don't understand what did the teacher say because I learn my formula in my country and I come here, it's different. So sometime I didn't 145 understand and they also didn't understand me, but I also got the right answer .. 209

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April, 1/11/91 Q: Can you tell me anything you're doing differently? Any types of punctuation or whatever that you're doing differently or something new that you tried? When you think 5 over all the writing you've done? * * * * * A: I think--! guess I put long--that make a story more--it make it more interesting. Like the first time I just write a sentence only I 10 don't explain it. Just I say, "I'm very happy about this"--that's all--and now I put "happy" and "what-what-what" and explain. I give a example. * * * * * 15 A: Yeah. Hmmm. I don't know--just kind of--I think I use, like me, I use more meaning, make the story more interesting. Now I can write longer. Mrs. Marshall ask us write a story and now I can write it longer and at that time 20 I just said half pages or one page. Now I can write three if she want. * * * * * A: I think my.writing is getting better maybe. Maybe I learn from my class. I think the 25 first quarter I just learn the word: I didn't use it. . just put it inside [points to her head] Didn't put it out. So on the second quarter I learn the word and I use it, I try to use it. 30 * * * * * A: Sometime I just write one graph only, sometime I write longer if I get it, I have the idea. If I don't, I just, just write down the answer. 210

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35 * * * * * A: The writing class is feel very relaxed to learn it because the teacher is gonna really a friendship, you can interchange, you're friends, enjoy then. You don't have to, "Oh, 40 she's teacher" like this. Because in my country, we when we study the teacher will say, "I'm your teacher, I'm not your friend." . So I think I feel more relaxed with this writing group. 45 * * * * * A: She [her teacher in Malaysia] doesn't hit you, but she just laughing you .... make you feel stupid. So when you get a answer, you keep, you don't want a share because you 50 always scare, you scare wrong in you. * * * * * A: I think she [Mrs. Marshall] really pay attention what do you write down and--I don't know--I think she pay attention what do you 55 write. She can show you, she can call you to help. But in Malaysia, you wrong, she [the teacher] just put the wrong marking, whatever. * * * * * A: Sometime she [Mrs. Marshall] read just like 60 she in court because she just read "Mmmmmm" and we just listen and sometime we just when we talking just like friend talk to friend. * * * * * 211

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April. 3/14/91 Q: We had talked about your English classes in Malaysia. can you tell me a little bit more about those? can you maybe describe, tell me what a normal class is like when you were 5 learning English? A: In Malaysia? No, the teacher not really like teach the English word. Just like the basic word and we just learn the past tense. We just must memorize the past tense like eat10 et-eaten, go-went-gone. Like this we have to memorize that because when we took the test, it's not like here--you give a sentence "I am --what?--bring. Then yesterday. And you fill the past tense 15 like this. And we learn just like "go" and the "went"--what's that?--"gone." You have to spell it out. Q: Oh, so it was just like verb patterns that you'd fill in. It wasn't even sentences. 20 A: Yeah, but sometime we did use the sentences so--not very many students understand how to use that. so when I was come here and Mrs. Marshall she told us that like "past participle," "present perfect" and 25 I'm so confused about this, so---* * * * * A: No, I learned the basic English for like 9 years like this. Was just a little. When the teacher teach us English, he just use Malay. 30 Like he just say like English ."when" and he explain in Malay what's that mean in Malay and he just talk Malay, Malay, so we not really learn about this. Q: I see. Did you do very much reading or any 35 writing? 212

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40 A: Not really--not writing .. Q: Any reading? A: Reading? Not really. Just read the book, then after that just forget like (pretends to read): Today I go to school----dada. Just read only. our teacher didn't even care about that. Q: The teacher didn't care about what? Reading? Or? 45 A: They don't care do we learn or what. They just say, 110h, you can read." That's all. * * * * * Q: So why would people want to learn English in Malaysia? 50 A: For the business because business with the Japanese they speak English. * * * * * A: Because now in Malaysia, I don't know, they try to like have a business with American, so 55 they have to learn English. * * * * * Q: OK, do you like any kind of writing, whether it's in Chinese or anything? * * * * * 60 A: No (laughs) Q: At that time you said you didn't like continuing the story [the scary story]. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? * * * * * 213

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65 A: Because at the beginning part, it's not my idea; it's hard to continue it, so I have to like stare at that and think about how, what I want to go at the last one. If my own story, I can make like the setting, the person by 70 myself. It's not like this beginning part. Oh, it said at right the beginning it said, "I was in bed and what,_what, what is there in the beginning part. I have to continue that so I have to follow the rules; if not, I get a 75 drop my point. But if my own story, I can make the whole story just by myself. It's easy to continue so that's why. * * * * * Q: So you have your one brother here. You had 80 mentioned that you'll give your papers to him and he'll read them and give you some feedback. * * * * * A: So sometime I didn't give it to him because 85 he always: "You--Nobody say this--This grammar is not used in the United States--Why you--?" and he always just say. So I don't like this kind of stuff. * * * * * 90 Q: Where did he learn English? A: He learn English just like me, start when he came here. He came here when he's 15, just like me, 15. Q: Oh, when he was 15. 95 A: Yeah, now he can speak very good English. And also when he come here, he lived with my aunt; she's married a American so all of them speak English, so this really help him to improve he English, So and when--during he was 214

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00 16 to 20, he forgot how to speak Chinese because he speak English because--! don't know--his--! forgot who tell him that--he said, "If you want to learn English, you have to forget all of the Chinese-Malay. 11 05 it's--! said, "What?" And then he did it and he forgot the Chinese! * * * * * A: If you don't have a good idea, I don't think you can write out the story. Like you 10 sit down, you don't get a idea and your mind is like empty, you cannot think, you cannot write anymore. So first you have a good idea and you have the idea, then you start to write out. When you write, you have to use in the 15 sentence. If you use like the sentence--when I mean--what do I mean--like "I want to go to school"--! want to write this sentence, if I use like the wrong sentence, it might change the meaning, so you have to use the right 20 sentence--something like this. * * * * * A: Mmmm. If you give me like the title, you say write about something, something about school, you give me a title, I cannot speak 25 the different thing, just school. I enjoy just what I want to write. Like "When I go to school---" everything is come from inside of me. Not like Mrs. Marshall give me a title I have to write. I don't like it. It is hard 30 to bring out. * * * * * A: Mmmhmm. The idea come from myself. * * * * * 215

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April. 3/15/91 Q: Continuing our conversation about writing, I know that you mentioned you sometimes have your brother read your paper, but then another time you also said, you know, after you finish 5 writing something, you don't check it--you just put it in the notebook and you think, "That's it." Can you tell me a little bit more about that? I mean--cause it seemed like a contradiction. I was confused. 10 A: What confused? Like sometimes I feel like I really like this kind of writing like, like something scary story--! chose interesting and when I wrote it, I think my idea really good, but my grammar's wrong. And I don't want like 15 fix it so I just give it my brother to check it. Sometime I don't like the writing . I don't want to see it. * * * * * A: Sometime, sometime I collect my idea in my 20 mind, sometime I write down, but I have many way to write a story. Like sometime I just have the beginning part. It's like you give me a title, I just--OK, if you say,"Write about school." What I say? OK, I have the 25 picture of that so I just have to the starting on that so I don't have to the one, like continue that, I don't care about that first, so I have my setting. So I just sit down and I just write my studying. Then I just 30 continue to think about what going on after that. Q: OK, so sounds like sometimes you'll--you're able to do it all in your head, but sometimes then you need maybe to write down some words. 35 A: Yeah, most of the time I just have the starting in my head. sometime I just 216

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write down what I'm thinking just quick. When I think, I just write. Q: That leads me to my next question and that 40 would be--when you do another draft--let's say here you've written one, the first time--so you've got a paper,so you've got some writing down--if you look at revising that paper, why do you usually revise your paper? 45 A: Grammar. Q: Is it mostly grammar you're concerned with then? A: Yeah, just only grammar. Q: How about your ideas? You said your ideas 50 are important to you also. A: Yeah, but my idea is important to my writing, but after I finish that, I never check up my idea, so I just check the grammar. If I have like reread again, just grammar. 55 Q: How much time would you say that you spend on writing a paper? Let's say like the scary story or Goliath or writing a summary of that Tolstoy short story think you had to write a summary of A Christmas carol. How 60 much time do you think it usually takes you to do something like those assignments? A: Sometime I take two or three hours, sometime just half hour. Like "The Tell-Tale Heart," that one, like I write a story, I take 65 three days because the beginning part I just the beginning start the paper. I just write down the basic idea just and then I--Mrs. Marshall, she help me to check on thatand she correct my grammar. Then, then, then, then 70 after that, I have write another paragraph. So if I just, I really work on the writing, 217

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usually I just, I have spent two or three days. If not, I just one hour, half hour. Q: So like with 11The Tell-Tale Heart," the 75 scary story, once you got your ideas down, then when you revised the first time, was it mostly for grammar or did she have some questions about your ideas or did you---A: No, she just correct my grammar. Sometime 80 when she read the sentence, she didn't understand what did I write, so she just ask me what my idea about and--* * * * * A: I don't like the topic, so I just won't 85 spend a long time--just write something--! something I write. I, I don't like the topic, so I just, just write a paragraph, that's it. * * * * * 90 Q: OK. Got to collect my thoughts here. I wanted to--let's see--so what did you like-when you think about the scary story, what did you like about that especially? A: I mean the word I use and the like the line 95 and dot like that [draws an exclamation point in the air with her hand] Q: Oh, exclamation mark. A: Yeah. I like that sound. Like sometime I puts like Aaaah! That's kind of word like .oo Ooooh!, Pshew! I like that, the style like that. * * * * Q: What do you think Mrs. Marshall values the most in your writing? 218

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105 A:Grammar, spelling--yep. * * * * * Q: OK, what message do you think Mrs. Marshall is sending to you about yourself as a writer? A: Grammar. 110 Q: Grammar--the big G. OK, when you're trying to learn to write better, what helps you the most and why? A: The adjectives. Q: OK, what do you mean by the adjectives? 115 A: How? Like I say, "Mrs. Ali is"--like the beginning when I write my story, I just--"We have a sub today. Her name is Mrs. Ali. Duhduh-duh"--like this. That's not interesting. And now I try to like this, like this say: "We 120 have a sub today and she's a woman from here and the style she teach and who has brown hair"--something like this. I use the adjective and I say, "Mrs. Ali"--! use--! would say--! don't know if you're here or not, 125 at one time, one or two months, we just learn all of the adjectives, like the Goliath .. * * * * * A: Yeah, right. Yeah, we's just learn the adjective like Mrs. Marshall, I just remember, 130 she said, "The stick," then we learn "a long, thin stick." You don't have to say, "Stick." Yeah, just use that kind. Q: So you think that learning about that, or the adjectives, has helped you. 135 A: Yeah, adjective and try to use another"but" I don't have to use. Now we learn more-219

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-we say "however," "therefore," like that kind of thing. Q: That's important also. So you think--so L40 what effect has learning the adjectives and learning the words like "however," "furthermore,'' things like that, how have those affected your writing? A: Make it more interesting. (Laughs) L45 Q: OK, more interesting. Sound like it also allows you to be a little more complex too. I mean, you can say more. A: Yeah sometime you don't have anything to write, you use "however," just L50 make the sentence longer. (Laughs) * * * * * A: I think writing is more easy to talk to my friend because I can stop and think about the grammar, something like this, and when I talk to my friend like I talk to you, I, I cannot stop. Sometimes don't you think, "What did she do?" like this? So I have to go and talk so sometimes they don't understand me . Just like use the adjective, write the .60 grammar. Sometime when I talk with somebody, I just use the wrong word, so I think writing's help me to improve my grammar. * * * * * Q: OK, yesterday you mentioned you don't like .65 to write in Chinese or in Malaysian or even in, not in English. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? Like why? * * * * * A: I think writing is kind of boring because--.70 like I just, I cannot go anywhere. I have to 220

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sit down in my chair and holding a pen and thinking something, so it's kind of bore. Q: OK, you see it as something you have to do by yourself . 75 A: Uhhuh and like write a story with another language is also hard to me. So every time Mrs. Marshall give us the writing assignment, I have to spend the two or three hours on my chair and think about that, so sometime make .80 me feel bored. Q: OK, so the English, especially, it seems like it gets, yeah, pretty tedious. I mean"tedious" means like "hard work." A: Yeah. Even the Malay and the Chinese I .85 don't really like. I don't like writing a letter. It's bore. (Laughs) * * * * * 221

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The Hobbit The Hobbit, 11/26/90 [The Hobbit is a 17-year old student from Czechoslovakia who arrived in the United States just as school began.] 5 Q: And you speak Czech, English--H: Russian and I can understand almost all people in Eastern Europe because languages are similar. * * * * * 10 Q: I'd like to start with just a few questions about writing. First of all, do you enjoy writing--in Czech? H: In Czech, yes. Q: What kinds of things do you like to write? 15 H: My ideas. Q: OK, your ideas. Do you mean like your opinions about things? H: Yeah, just my ideas, what I'm thinking and in the given time limit and why I'm thinking. 20 * * * * * Q: OK, what did you enjoy? What's seemed the best so far? H: I think it was about the Edgar Allan Poe, the story. 25 Q: Why was that a good experience? What did you like about that? 222

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H: Yes, when I was, had been here for one month so my English was bad when I came here-and I'm unsatisfied with this style. 30 * * * * * H: When I came to the United States and I had to say, had to what I thought and what I wanted to say exactly, it's impossible because I couldn't say everything I wanted to. You 35 know, it's impossible. I didn't as much words and practice in English wasn't very good. It's impossible to say everything I wanted. * * * * * H: I--what I want to say and I can describe 40 exactly what I'm feeling. This main point, this discuss. * * * * * H: Yeah, I have many range of Czech words. I use many kinds of words tQ describe something, 45 so in English I couldn't do this. Q: OK, we're going to talk today mostly about when you get papers back and Mrs. Marshall has made some comments . What do you think Mrs. Marshall is looking for when she reads 50 your papers? H: Sometimes I have no idea what's the point of her questions. * * * * * H: I think she's interested in improving 55 grammar and she's interested in creating, creative skills, how I'm interested in this stuff, this thing, how I enjoy this thing. Q: OK, when you're working through drafts-like here was your first draft--223

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60 H: Ugh! * * * * * H: I did that in the rest between periods. It could have been better. Yeah, I did that in the rest between periods. 65 Q: OK, well, when you're working on a paper what's helpful in terms of what a teacher--the kinds of comments a teacher makes on your paper? H: Help me recognize my mistakes and maybe I 70 know that what I write was right and in the second draft sometimes I'm going to expand this story about some more, some things. * * * * * H: Maybe what I written and the teacher 75 doesn't understand something I wrote so I can change it, I can better explain it. * * * * * Q: When you get a paper back--let's talk about the rough draft first--what do you look at 80 first? H: I look first when I get this one back, I look at the notices from Mrs. Marshall. I saw and when I got this I saw the piece many corrections. 85 Q: What went through your mind? What did you think? H: I thought I, I didn't have to do that in the rest between periods. Q: Although you did get a comment "Nice first 90 draft"--224

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H: Yeah. Maybe it's a notice on the thinking in this draft, not on the grammar. Q: Oh, so your impression was that she was looking more at the thinking in this piece 95 rather than the grammar--H: I don't know. * * * * * Q: How about when you get back the final copy, the final draft, what did you notice first? lOO H: I saw it was just fine. Q: OK, you probably noticed the grade. H: No, the grade isn't important--not important. Q: Did you look at the rest of it? l05 H: on the notices? Q: OK, so you would notice this out in the margin--"good description." H: Yeah. Q: Would you notice these markings in the LlO body? H: I can read it, every single notice. I was surprised on this notice [correction of "everything boiling"] because in Czech grammar and English grammar sometimes are similar, l15 sometimes are very different. So I thought it was kind of, it was right, right grammar, it was OK. Q: So you were surprised then to learn that you needed a subject and a verb. 225

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L20 H: Yeah, in Czech I would say this. * * * * * H: I don't think it's a good piece of writing, but I think it's better one of mine. Q: OK, so you think it's one of your better L25 pieces. What makes it a better piece? What did you do well? H: It's hard to say. I think I didn't write these styles before and--Q: Do you mean you hadn't written in this L30 style before? H: No, I mean--urn--what I wrote before, I didn't enjoy that, so maybe I did enjoy this better than these ones. Q: So you're saying the other assignments you L35 had you didn't enjoy. H: Yeah. Q: But this one you really did enjoy. H: Yeah, so when I wrote this, I hag been there for two month, so it was better than if L40 I had done that when I come, when I was coming, just when I came here. Q: Sounds like that's very important to you, being able to say what you want to say. H: Right. L45 Q: . OK, when you get a writing assignment back, how much of it do you read over--do you read all of it? H: What I wrote or what wrote Mrs. Marshall? 226

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Q: Well, do you read over what you've written L50 or look at just what she has written? H: At what she has written and the sentence-this notice--this. Q: so here you might read, instead of just reading "run"-L55 H: Just read "run" and inside. Q: Sounds like you're focusing on mostly what she's written. H: If I don't know what I wrote, so I read it and I read all again if I don't remember it, l60 if I don't remember what I wrote then. Q: How many of her corrections do you pay attention to? H: Some of them because I know that I did some mistake. l65 * * * * * Q: What does Mrs. Marshall comment on, what does she seem to notice most often in papers? H: Grammar .. maybe when I did some awful, awful mistake, she wrote some notice for this L70 mistake, but most of these times, she's interested in thinking. I think I don't have mostly some problems with punctuation. Maybe I have seen guys, some American guys, who didn't know how to write L75 words--and I know that because we start 2 languages, one's written language and one's speaken language, spoken language. When I start with English, I start with written English, so remember words, written words, but LBO I don't know how to pronounce it. 227

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Q: So you don't see yourself as having problems with punctuation or spelling. H: No. Q: Do you pay more attention to comments about 185 the content, the ideas in your paper? H: Yeah, but I don't know if it's right. * * * * * H: This [his first draft] was, this was like trees with cutting off the branches and when I 190 did this second draft, I gave more branches to these trees. * * * * * Q: So there are times when she's written something, you go "Hmmm." What did you do? 195 What can a person do if they don't understand something the teacher's written on a paper? H: Leave it behind. * * * * * H: In Czechoslovakia, the students didn't ask 200 the teacher as frequently. Q: So here if you didn't understand something, would you go and ask Mrs. Marshall about it or--H: Maybe yes--I didn't use to do that. 205 H: Yeah, we are not friends with teachers. In Czechoslovakia, we are friends just with some of them, of these teachers. Mostly we are not friendly with teachers. * * * * * 210 228

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The Hobbit, 11/28/90 [I begin by asking about The Hobbit's use of Czech and English.] H: OK, so I understand. I can read czech newspapers because every week we get 5 newspapers from Czechoslovakia and I have some czech books, so I have some czech books from school I have to study. Q: So you're still studying--you're studying on the side the same sort of things you would 10 be studying if you were back home in school? H: Yeah, because when we are leaving high school in czechoslovakia, you are taking passed leaving, leaving exam, and it's very difficult so I have to prepare for it. 15 * * * * * H: Everything depends on what have you learned, so I have to know everything what was going on in the high school. So when I'm now, right now, in the United States, I'm studying 20 starting, I'm starting to dropping my knowledge. * * * * * Q: But is there anything Mrs. Marshall does that seems to help you learn to write? 25 H: I think everything what she does is OK, she knows what she's doing and I trust her so. * * * * * H: Maybe I'm learning the Americans' pronunciation. When I came here, I knew just 30 British pronunciation, so nobody understand me. 229

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* * * * * H: Just, just when I get the paper, I look at that what is written on the top and see what 35 I'm supposed to talk about, to write about, then I could say it would be bad, it would be OK. * * * * * Q: What would we see you doing as you wrote? 40 H: Just writing down what I'm thinking, what I want to write, and then it's my first draft, and then I look at that and say, "This is bad." I cut it, cut it off and maybe some more moving sentences. That's it and the 45 result of it is 2nd draft. Q: Do you enjoy sharing your writing with other people? Like reading it to other people or letting other people read it? 50 H: I know what it is, sharing. Sometimes yes, sometimes not. It depends on people who are gonna read it. Q: What kinds of people do you like to have read your writing? 55 H: Probably my best friends. Q: So maybe people that you trust or feel comfortable with. H: Yeah, maybe people, people can understand it. 60 Q: By that do you mean people who would be interested in what you are saying? 230

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H: Maybe interested, but if you are--if you've written down some ideas yours--you're thinking about--you know meaning of these ideas can be 65 different, you can catch on with something two. ways or three ways and people are friendly with are mostly the same, the same pieces of body. You know this way they can understand the way I wrote it down. 70 Q: Do you learn from other people's writing? H: Yeah, sometimes I recognize they wrote it down in pretty good style or interesting styles--maybe I can use it sometimes. 231

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The Hobbit. 1/9/91 Q: First of all, if you think about your experiences this semester in reading and writing, how do you think you've changed as a writer? 5 H: As a writer? Starting to use new word, new words and starting to make my writing better for readers, making more interesting, more-better style, try to make my style more in writing. 10 Q: I was going to ask: Is there anything specific that you can think of that you're doing now for the reader that you didn't do before? H: Well, I'd say I'm using more words like 15 than I did it before because just--! was using words just, just the words I knew well. I can use it then. Now I'm using words I don't know if they're right, if they're, you know, if they're exactly what it is and the 20 vocabulary's stronger and more words. * * * * * H: My laziness hasn't helped me. * * * * * [We talk about the differences between English 25 and Czech.] H: Yeah. I can make you more curious about it because you have to say 11I found a new book11 and "I found a new book" so, you know, 111 found" it tells you that you found something. 30 You know, it's bad example. I cannot think better. When I'm reading, you say the words, the important words at the end and it makes the language more curious, more interesting because the main words you can say at the end. 232

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35 * * * * * H: No, it's kind of fun because you can create your own sentence, you don't have to [makes a "sss" noise] always. once and once and you can keep on doing for five minutes. 40 * * * * * Q: Let's say . a new ESL student [is] coming to East Plains and they say, "You know, what's that class like? What am I going to have to do?" What would you tell them? What 45 goes on in there? H: They will be goofing off. Q: Goofing off! H: Well, I'd tell him it's OK for you if you go there if you go there because if you don't 50 speak English very good, it really helps you, really help you because you will have some preparation for English, so not bad. * * * * * H: [Speaking about his math class] Yeah, but I 55 don't think I was bad in the beginning; I was just working hard, I did all the work it was possible to do, but I just, I wasn't able to understand the English and without the English, it was like somebody without sound. 60 [Laughs] * * * * * H: Yeah, I know, sometimes I don't understand all the problems, you know, in my written problems. 65 Q: Ummm, how would you describe the kinds of writing you've done in Mrs. Marshall's class? 233

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* * * * * H: Just look at this thing I have to do and I'm doing it. 70 * * * * * H: Hmmm. Sometimes I decide to write about some problem. I don't finish it because I just get lazy and it's too--I can't do it--you know, the words, I don't know the words I want 75 to use there and I'm just not going to do it. Q: Is that kind of frustrating? It sounds like at one level you know what you want to say--H: It's not frustrating--it's laziness because 80 I can do the work, look up the words in the dictionary; I can't do it, I can ask my father, I can ask somebody else, but I just don't want to do it. Q: OK, and would that just simply be because 85 writing's not your thing? I mean, not what you're interested in? H: No, I like it * * * * * H: She's teaching like a friend, but she 90 corrects the assignments like a judge. * * * * * 234

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The Hobbit, 6/29/91 Q: What is good writing? H: I think it's got to keep the reader's attention. It has to be short, as short as possible to explain what you want to explain. 5 If it goes on and on, it gets boring and it doesn't say too much. Q: What's important to you as you write? H: When I usually write I think about what will the reader say about the writing. When 10 writing a sentence, I'm trying to formulate sentence so the reader will get feeling I want him to get out of it. I want to know what he's going to say. It may seem funny to me but_not to the reader. If it says something 15 to me, it must say something to the reader. I check it to mean the same thing. My favorite writer--I read one book by Pavel Kohout. Q: Is he Czech? H: Yes, he is. He actually wrote a note about 20 his writing. When he writes something, first he makes notes, put it together, then he reads it over, cut unimportant parts, and then writes again. This he does three or four times. For example, he's got eleven pages of 25 writing, cuts unimportant parts, has three pages. If it still says what it's got to say, then it's good writing. About the book, he wrote it seven times before it had the final shape and it was good. 30 Q: When you revise, what do you revise for? H: First I read it over. If it makes sense to me. Some parts are confused, I do it again, read it again. Some formulations, some phrases, I might not like. Writing has to 35 have same style from first page to the last one. Then I check this, then I correct 235

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mistakes. "I've seen it many a year"--like a poet--"I've seen it many a time"--these little differences make the style. Writing has to 40 have its own style. When you see writing, you can tell whose writing it is, you know it is all these differences. Q: What do you mean by "mistakes?" H: Grammatical errors. 45 Q: Do you use the same process in czech and English? H: Yes. When I write a letter and it's a formal letter, I've got to have someone read it over me. Some of the sentences may be off. 50 Q: What kinds of writing do you like to do? H: I like to use my awn images. I like to create a new world, like J.R.R. Tolkien, in which I can live and live it as I want as if it were real. I would write about what's on 55 my mind in a given situation, at a given time. Larger writing takes more than short so I prefer to write short writings. I don't have that much patience. I would have to have the joy of it. If I got bored, I would just let 60 it go. I guess if I were to write a long writing, it would have to be a really serious problem or maybe something I wanted to share with others. I know some writers who write for the fun of it, they get paid for it. 65 Q: What have you learned about writing in English? H: You have to write what you can, I mean, just don't try to be more specific. You have to go around and 'round. You can't write what 70 you want to write in your own language. You have to try to explain what you want in simple, change yourself, be a simple person. 236

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It gets you down, it puts you down a bit. It makes you be a different person, on a lower 75 level than what you had experienced before. You gotta lie. It sounds a bit funny, a bit off, especially if you don't understand sentence and you ask for repetition, you gotta say something. After that you realize it was 80 not what you wanted to say. I'm gonna tell you one of my tales. Before I got here, I had learned English for three years or so. After I had learned all this, I knew I was going to go to the United 85 States. I didn't take it too serious. I thought I could express myself. I was surprised at other people were speaking English. To my surprise when I got here-Gosh! I have to speak in English. If you 90 don't go to Iran, Asia, Japan, you can't get into the feeling. If you go there, you won't speak English. I couldn't stand--you turn on TV, radio--everybody speaks English. It's different. 95 Q: How important is it to know English? H: It's valuable because half of people on Earth speak English, lots of country and they just do. I have to learn because I'm from small country. LOO Q: How much English did you know before you got here? H: Just to know some words and know some things, limited knowledge and use of it. You don't know it before you get here. We learn L05 grammar. You can always use Czech to explain about grammar, to ask differences. one teacher--we had a teacher--! don't know he actually had been to another country before-his English was pretty good I thought--the LlO accent, you don't realize. Some people thought he wasn't a good teacher. Grammar is what I learned from him. 237

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Q: What kinds of reading and writing did you do in your English class? 115 H: Mostly we did reading, simple. Writing-like five sentences every class--describe a room, to say what you did on your holiday vacation--not very important. [He gives an example of the type of writing students were 120 expected to do.] The room is green and on left border hangs a picture of my father. The wall was white. There was carpet on the floor and the carpet was a little wore out. Very short and very simple. [Another example]: My 125 name is Pawel. I come from Czechoslovakia. I have two legs, two arms, one head. I have a nose. The basics. Q: What about reading? H: Just short articles, articles that were 130 made up by an author. The articles one page long--maximum. It wasn't the fault of the teacher. I just can't think of another way to do it. Q: From my conversations with you, you seem 135 very familiar with writers of English. Did you read those authors in your class? H: I know Hemingway, Salinger, Remarque, other people, you know, many authors. I read it on my own. Usually we learn about Czech, 140 European writers. This writer wrote this, this, this. I don't know--they [the teachers] don't have time for us to read these other authors. [The Hobbit then described what school is like 145 in Czechoslovakia.] H: You have at least eight subjects. We don't usually have homework--we don't have to do it-it's up to you. If you don't understand it, you better do it. I stay all the time in 238

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.50 one room with same people and teacher changes I get to know all the people. * * * * * H: After elementary school, because of grades you actually acquire a different education . 55 You pass a test to get into this high school. If you were not successful, try again. In professional school, you have a different sight of things--like mechanic--just basic things, don't have to know much. Gymnasium-.60 my high school--was for advanced students, the top. Q: How did you like American school? H: I didn't like it at first. You chose your friends maybe because they were in the same .65 classes. You're looking for similarities. It's harder than in Czechoslovakia. Here some people were jerks and you didn't know. Q: What were your classes like back home? H: Classes were really hard. My staying at .70 home--r didn't have to make up classes. Q: What were your Czech language classes like? H: I had two classes. One grammar and writing style and other was literary authors, world literature 75 Q: What did you do in those classes? H: We learned some grammar, but because the language you can speak, but you have to know the rules, and we were usually talking with teacher. We were talking about what he did on .80 his vacation. We had to learn different types of writing or where did our language come from, the different types of language. 239

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Q: What kinds of writing did you have to do? H: Write an article for the newspaper, write 185 all different types. Only for the final we could choose from four types. When we normally work, you had--everyone's writing about same. Q: What kinds of things did you write about? 190 H: Write about nature, not nature exactly, maybe write about environmental problems, you got the style an article for newspapers and the article. Q: What did your teacher say about your 195 writing? H: He threw them away! I had same teacher as for English. He didn't have a good memory. He usually would say after three months they [the papers] were lost. [Mimicking teacher] 200 "Oh, anyway, I still know what you're going to get. I don't have to see your writings to get a grade." Q: What would you usually get? H: A. Americans take everything too 205 seriously. I used to joke about things and people would take me seriously. Q: What do you think Mrs. M valued most in your writing? H: That's a tough question. I got to say I 210 don't know the answer. I'd say you don't exactly know what you should expect from her. I think she valued the meaning most. She didn't give you much clues to get inside her minds. I'd say she wanted everything to be 215 organized properly. It had to make sense, than the grammar, then the vocabulary, choosing the right word. 240

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Q: How did you feel about her comments on your writing? !20 H: Sometimes they're a concern to me. Everyday I'm a bit different. Sometimes I cared. Q: Did you use her comments as you revised? H: I try. I would write to satisfy her. I !25 would follow the notes she-had given me. If I didn't like it, I would just do it. Depends on how I feel when I'm doing. Sometimes I get angry at the teacher, I didn't like his--her comments. I would just change some things. !30 Maybe if I liked the comments, I'd said maybe I didn't do this right. Sometimes I looked at the comments, maybe that's right--! don't like. Maybe another day she's right--! gotta change it. Maybe I like the way I did it. !35 Another day--yeah, she's right. I don't like doing it. Q: What helps you do a good job of writing? H: Time--angry--if you think of something, if you have a little role, interest. If I don't !40 like the topic, I'm not going to do it. Q: What message do you think Mrs. M was giving you about your writing? H: She probably wanted to tell me to put it on a nail, wrap it up and leave it alone--forget !45 writing--you're not going to be a writer. But I didn't enjoy writing in English. 241

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Jon. 11/16/90 J: I'm 16 years old. My name is Jon. I've been in America for about one year, and I'm trying to study English hard. * * * * * 5 [Jon describes his three years of English classes in Korea.] J: Just grammar--the most--grammar is most important to take a test in Korea. * * * * * 10 J: We have to memorize, memorize all of them. Just memorize. * * * * * Q: What are your goals for learning English? Do you have any long-term goals? 15 J: To go to college. I mean, university. * * * * * J: I need to study about vocabulary to write Q: If you think about yourself as a writer, 20 are there any things that are happening in class that help you as a writer? J: Reading, I think reading. Q: And what are you getting from the reading? J: The writing style--the writing style and 25 grammar. We have different expression between 242

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English and Korean so I can learn expression and write something. Q: When you say that, do you mean learning to say something or write something the way an 30 American would say it or use of language, learning the patterns? Do you mean you're learning to say things in English the way an American would say them? J: OK, I will give you example. Like "pie in 35 the sky." You don't say it like that--it's a different expression. In Korean, "pie in sky" they wouldn't understand. * * * * * Q: When you think about yourself as a writer, 40 what do you think are your strong points, your strengths, as a writer? What do you do well? J: Me? I studied about grammar in Korea, so this is my strong point, I think, to write. Q: Anything else? 45 J: Just grammar. Q: Think back to what Mrs. Marshall complimented you on in your papers. What kind of comments has she given you? What has she seemed to notice? 50 J: I can't remember. * * * * * J: In writing? I have no problem to write something. If I don't know something, I can use dictionary to write about it. 55 Q: What do you think a good writer does? What makes a good piece of writing? 243

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J: Like "To Build a Fire." The reader, if you read my writing, if you feel like how I feel, that's--can't explain it. 60 * * * * * J: I write about the hot--the cold--about the coldness--if after you reading my writig, you feel, you feel cold from the writing, I think that's good writing. 65 * * * * * J: Read books, just--just read many books. I think that's the best way to learn how to write, I think. * * * * *. 70 J: And to memorize--to learn about idioms. I think it helps us--me--to write about something. * * * * * Q: Can you tell me how you go about doing a 75 writing assignment? How do you get started? What do you do first? J: I wrote what I thought--just what I thought. * * * * * 80 J: I just start writing. * * * * * Q: Are you still pretty much thinking in Korean and then translating into the English before you write it down? 85 J: Yeah. 244

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Q: OK, so here you are, Jon who's been writing in complete sentences. Do you do any crossing out? Erase? J: Erase. 90 Q: So you're using pencil. How many drafts do you ususally do? J: Just erase often. I write "to home." I don't have to put "to"--I just erase that. Q: So for you, writing in pencil seems to work 95 well. So you start off with just one draft, and you keep on working with that one piece of paper? J: Yes--with erasing. Q: When you go back through and you've written 00 a first draft, and you're sitting there with your pencil and you're reading back over--J: No, I don't. Q: How do you correct it? Are you correcting as you go along? 05 J: NO, I thought teacher would be--teacher would correct my writing. Q: So you just do this draft, and you say, "OK, I'll give it to Mrs. Marshall, and she'll tell me what I did or didn't do." .10 J: That what teacher have to do. * * * * * Q: So you're looking pretty much at just the language as you're writing? J: Yes--! try. 245

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115 Q: Do you enjoy sharing your writing with other people? J: No--not really. Q: What makes that uncomfortable? Why don't you like it? 120 J: It's boring, boring. It is a good chance to learn about each other, but boring--guess I'm lazy. * * * * * Q: When you're writing, what's important to 125 you? J: To express--to express what I thought. Q: So ideas are most important to you? J: Yeah, my ideas. Q: When do you start worrying about grammar 130 and spelling and things like that? J: Always the grammar--a lot of grammars. Q: So you draw on your memory--J: Not fast, not I remembered fast but slowly. Q: For you the most important thing in your 135 writing is your ideas. J: Yeah. Ummhmm. If you don't understand what I wrote, I think teacher think that is bad writing. 246

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Jon. 11/19/90 Q: Tell me again, what do you go through when you get a writing assignment? J: First, first of all, I just think about it, then I write--start to write. 5 Q: Do you try to work out everything in your head first? J: Yeah, just think, think, write--what I think, what I thought. * * * * * 10 J: Yeah, yeah I try to make sentence. Q: OK, is it like write a word or a few words and then think, "Hmmm-J: This is wrong, then I erase, then rewrite. Q: You don't reread what you've written? 15 J: No. Q: I think you told me you really don't enjoy sharing your writing with other people. J: Yeah, sometimes. Q: The time you do enjoy it, what makes that 20 an enjoyable time? J: Because I like to--I like to talk my op1n1on to my class--classmate. That's why I like to talk each other. Q: OK, so when you're talking about or sharing 25 your writing--let me see if I'm understanding you correctly--what makes that good for you is when you can share your thoughts. 247

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J: Speak--practice to speak. Q: Do you learn anything when you read other 30 people's writing, when you get in your writing groups and someone says, 11Here's my paper, Jon," and you're supposed to be reading and making comments--do you learn anything form other people? 35 J: Yeah, style, express, how to express, different thoughts. Q: What's important to you when you're writing--what's most important to you? J: Uh--to make sentence correctly. 40 Q: Are you more concerned right now with good grammar? J: Use dictionary, I usually use dictionary to--to remember some grammar. Q: So grammar is more important than the idea 45 or what you're trying to say? J: No, I don't think so. The idea is most important, then grammar. Q: So those would be the two things you pay most attention to. 50 J: That's right. Q: Where do you like to write? J: Uh, somewhere where I'm around nobody. Q: You like to write where you don't have a lot of people around. 55 J: It's noisy so I can't write. Q: So it needs to be quiet. Anything else? 248

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J: I must have dictionary--dictionary, papers, pencil, eraser, eraser. * * * * * 60 Q: What can you do to help yourself become a better writer in English? J: To reading--to read many books. Q: Anything else? J: To study the grammar. 65 Q: When you would be reading the books to help you with your writing, what would you be reading for? What would be some of the things you could get out of the reading? J: To get a writing style in English. I think 70 Korean writing and American writing are different. * * * * * Q: We're going to look at Mrs. Marshall's comments, what she tells you about your 75 writing. What do you think Mrs. Marshall is looking for when she reads your papers? J: I think--make mistakes. Q: Do you think she's looking for anything besides mistakes? What kind of things would 80 she be looking for? J: I think grammar. Q: Anything else. J: Grammar, grammar. Q: When you were writing this, what was most 85 important to you? What were you trying to do? 249

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Was it like 11I gotta do this so I can get a grade"? J: Yeah, uhhuh, that's right, that's it. Q: Anything else? What were your goals for 90 this paper? J: Just make fun--make teacher fun. * * * * * Q: When you get a paper back, what do you look at first? 95 J: The mistakes. Q: In general, how helpful are Mrs. Marshall's comments? J: Helpful. Q: Can you think of a particular comment she LOO made that helped you? Redo a piece or helped you write another one later on? What would you be using? Is there anything here that you would take away and use next time? J: The adjective, adjectives. LOS Q: OK, using adjectives. Do you mean using particular words or being very descriptive? J: Descriptive. * * * * * Q: Here she says you've used good imagery. LlO [Jon-gives me a puzzled look and shrugs his shoulders.] OK, what's that? Imagery is if I could see it, I could feel it, I could hear it. J: OK, feel it, OK, I understand. 250

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.15 * * * * * J: I thought there was many mistake in my writing. * * * * * Q: Now you've got two comments here: "You've .20 used good imagery" and then her question, "Where would you start and end paragraphs?" J: I don't understand what this sentence mean. * * * * * Q: Well, on your paper--you get back a paper 25 and the teacher has put some comments--what's most helpful? J: I didn't read, I didn't read usually. Q: You usually don't read the comments? J: I don't read it 30 Q: So if this had been a rough draft and Mrs. Marshall had written something on here, would you have read what she put on your paper? J: Sometimes. Q: Sometimes. 35 J: Sometimes, yeah. If there's many mistakes in my writing, I don't read it because--Q: Oh, if there's too many mistakes marked, then you don't read it. So when you got this back today, did you look at your paper? 40 J: No, I won't, I won't read it again. Q: Did you look at the grade? 251

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J: Yeah. Q: Did you look at anything else? J: No. 45 Q: What do you think makes this a good piece of writing? It got a good grade. What makes it a good piece? J: Good idea, good idea, I think. Q: Anything else? 50 J: Good grammar? Q: Is there anything you'd like Mrs. Marshall to do in terms of the comments or markings on your paper that she isn't doing? Is there anything she could be doing that would be more .55 helpful? J: To fix grammar. * * * * * J: The grammar is most important to write something, I think so. 60 * * * * * Q: Are you looking--when you look at this, would you look more at--are you more likely to look at something that's in here and not in the margins? Are you going to notice this 65 more--something that's corrected in your text? J: Mmmhmm, that's right. * * * * * 252

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Q: I have some more questions about your writing. When you get a writing assignment .70 back, how much of it do you read over? J: Some of it, yeah, some of it, usually some of it. Q: When you look at the teacher's comments, how many of the teachers' corrections do you .75 pay attention to? J: Grammar. Q: OK, when you--this question has to do with when you get the paper back, what do you do when you read the teacher's comments? .80 J: I try to find the reason why I did make--! made--a big mistake--the reason. Q: OK, so are you usually able to work that out on your own? J: Yeah, use dictionary--! must use .85 dictionary--! must. .90 * * * * * J: Uh, no. dictionary. This idiom. We can study If there are many grammars, use [Jon shows me his dictionary.] So I like this dictionary a lot. about these sentences. 253

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Jon, 11/21/90 [Jon and I are talking about his "Goliath" paper. I read a quote that he included in his paper.] Q: What did you think Mrs. Marshall was 5 looking for in these papers when she read them? J: Oh, I didn't think anything. What she saw-thought--about this writing, my writing, I didn't think anything, just get grade, just--10 * * * * * Q: You told me what was really emphasized in Korea in the English classes was the grammar. Tell me a little bit more about those classes. What were they like? 15 J: Just memorize, memorize everything. * * * * * J: It takes a long time to memorize words-it's a long time. Q: So your teacher expected you to just 20 memorize like lists of words or sentences? J: Yeah. * * * * * J: I thought some idea, but sometimes I can't write, write it--what I thought, what I think-25 -so what can I write. That my problem still. 254

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Jon. 1/11/91 5 Q: Well, let me go ahead and let's go through these questions. The first one would be like if you think about yourself, how you were as a writer of English at the beginning of the semester, and I'm asking you what kinds of-10 what changes do you see in yourself as a writer now that we're at the end of the semester? J: I use more expre--different expression. Q: What do you mean by that? Can you give me 15 an example? J: Like I can make a, I can make a people to scary, scary with my writer, write, with the paper I wrote, so, because I used the expression to make people scary, yeah. 20 Q: OK, do you mean like words--J: Yeah, words--* * * * * J: That's right--American style--American. * * * * * 25 Q: OK. Is there any--do you go about, when you have a writing assignment, is there anything you do differently from what you did at the beginning of the semester? * * * * * 30 J: At first, at first I came to America I just wrote like, like "He's happy," something like maybe and now, now "He's then happy," like more adjectives--* * * * * 255

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35 J: And, uh, different word, I use different word, the hard, the more difficult, difficult words, yeah. * * * * * J: And I can express what I saw, what I think. 40 At first I can't express all I think, but now it's most, I mean not most, but many of, many of the thing I can express. * * * * * J: Uh, it's hard, very hard, special science 45 class. I have to memorize many words. It takes a long time. If I want to read the book, in one hour I can read just three pages or two pages, I mean two hours, yeah, in two hours I can read two pages, two pages, yeah, 50 that's the problem. So I have a lot of thing to do, but I have not enough time. That's right. * * * * * 256

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Jon. 3/7/91 [Jon tells me how important learning English is in Korea.] J: Yeah, that's right. Yeah, many students 5 fail the English test to go to college, you know? Q: Now, do you have English in order to get into university? J: Of course, yeah, it's most important. 10 * * * * * J: Few colleges are in Korea, so hard to get into college, you know. * * * * * J: The foreign language is important, yeah, 15 because the world is getting smaller, so you have to know certain language, right?--and English, right?--it is, it is everybody, I mean the many people knows in the world. * * * * * 20 J: OK, Mrs. Marshall give us many reading, many readings so, yeah, we get, we get read many things, but in Korea we can't--we have to memorize some sentences, you know, like for grammar, we have to memorize sentences like, 25 so we have to memorize like basic sentences. Memorize. * * * * * J: Words, words, and the grammar. Like, for example, like they give us five sentences and 30 which sentence is wrong--let's find which sentence is wrong. You know, like pick number, you know. 257

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* * * * * J: Grammar. Yeah, like math, you know, 35 formula. * * * * * J: Writing, no writing. Q: No writing. J: No, we can't create any writings, you know. 40 I didn't have chance, you know, I didn't have chance to write my writing, my writing, to create my writing, yeah. Q: Just maybe these grammar exercises. J: Grammar, yeah. 45 * * * * * J: Understand the sentences, what's wrong, find what's wrong, and something like that. * * * * * Q: So sounds like in Korean culture good 50 students are respected. J: Yeah, because college is the important to get a job, you know. The people don't like the people who graduate high school, just only high school. They think they stupid really; 55 they think they stupid, you know, yeah, so we have to college, you know. Q: OK, so if you want to be well thought of, you want to well in your adult life, you should got to college. 60 J: Yeah, 70 per cent of high school students fail to go to college, you know. 258

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Q: OK, so only 30 per cent--J: Yeah, they clean or something that job. * * * * * 65 Q: I wanted to ask you also about the difference--OK, you learn English--that was the way you learned English in Korea. At the same time you're also taking Korean classes in the Korean language. What kinds of things 70 would you be doing in that class? Would you be doing grammar? J: Reading, reading a book. Q: You'd read a book. J: Yeah, the textbook and they had many 75 writings, you know, like many writings, many kinds of writings like poem, like poem, like different kind of--we read and the grammar, oh, grammar, yeah. Q: A little bit of grammar even in Korean, I 80 mean, in your Korean class. J: Yeah, it important; and the words, we have many words from China. * * * * * J: OK, the textbook has questions, questions, 85 yeah. We have to answer in paragraph, you know. And we have to write like short stories, we have to make it. Yeah, teacher makes us to write it. * * * * * 90 J: Yeah, that's right. sometimes they wanted to us, they wanted us to, to make up poems, many different kinds of writings like--How can 259

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I explain it?--like stories, like novels, you know, journey. 95 * * * * * J: Yeah, sometimes, yeah. I wanna show somebody--! mean I want to represent, represent myself, you know, what I feel, sometimes. LOO * * * * * Q: Like if I say, 11What's a good writer do?" J: Like make, like make--! mean the lead--the good writer, writer lead the people, the L05 readers, to their moods. * * * * * J: grammar's important, important, yeah, the stuff, you know, inside-the story--is most important. OK, if I want ,10 to make you sad in my writing, I mean, yeah, when you read my writing, I want to make you sad, you know, with my writing. If after reading my writing you are sad, then I became, I become a good writer. * * * * * Q: OK, let's say somebody asked you, "Jon, what are some rules so I can write well in English?" What would you tell them? J: Read many books, read many books. !--first .20 of all, you have to study about grammar, then read a books, write something like what you read, you know, what you read. * * * * * 260

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Mai. 11/30/90 [I begin by asking Mai about her family and how long she's been here.] M: Well, before I came here I learned [English] about three month or two months. But one week, only three days. * * * * * 5 M: Like you are the teacher, English teacher, you come to my house and teach me, and I pay for you. * * * * * M: She taught me about the verbs, like "eat--10 ate" and I mean like 11eat,11 11do,11 and all the irregular verb, just to know the words, and that is the verb, and she taught me about the past tense:and she taught me how to use "me," "us," and something, but I forgot about it, I 15 just remember the past tense and the present tense. * * * * * M: Yeah, most of them are grammar, not reading and writing, so like sentences, I can make 20 like "Today is Monday," like that or "Yesterday was Sunday," like that and the numbers--1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Q: I want to ask you a little bit about what kinds of writing do you like to do. Do you 25 like to write in English? M: Sometime I like to do, then I write a whole paper or a whole a half a paper, but if I don't want to write, well, if you tell me to 261

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write a letter, that letter I will finish it 30 in two year or one year. * * * * * M: -I like to write, well, I don't really like writing, but if I have to, then I have to, but I like to write about, you know, some kind of 35 story about folk tale, adventure. * * * * * Q: Well, what do you think makes good writing? When you're reading, let's say you're reading something, you know a reader says, "That was 40 good," or "Yuk, that wasn't so good." M: I think it is the conflict. Q: When you think about yourself as a writer, do you think of yourself as being a good writer? 45 M: No. Q: Why not? M: Because when I was first grade until now I'm not really good writer, but you know, I have a lot of thing in my mind, but I can't 50 get it out. You know, sometime I writing my homework about, writing homework, I thought about it and then about one or two second and then I forgot about it and I just start again, so that's why I really hate it. I don't know 55 why, most of the time I have an idea, then two or three minute then I forgot it, then--* * * * * M: Yeah and if I write a story and first time I make it with that problem and how it end, 60 then that, that the first draft, right?, and the second one, I will change all of them. 262

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But I will keep the conflict, but, you know, the acting and the thinking and what they do, I will change it. 65 * * * * * M: Well, this is my first draft. Q: OK, that was your first draft. M: With this one I wrote it and she said, "What did it look like?". Then I just-70 Q: What did you think she meant by it? M: You mean the ghost? Q: You thought maybe the ghost? M: Yeah, "it" mean the ghost. on this one, I left all the sentences out. Then she said 75 "You work on the verb, but also you left some good sentences. Can you show me some sentences from the first draft that you could This one--three--you see, this one and this one and this one is different, a little bit 80 different, but the problem is the same. Q: OK, so as you go through writing your different drafts--M: All the time I change it. * * * * * 85 M: This is very first. I just get it and then I just write out. When I turn it in, I know it will be, she will let me do it another time because I know the verb I didn't check it, the verb I didn't check it, really, I didn't check 90 it. Then for the sentences, I just think of something, then I write it down, I didn't check it either, so what I think, then write it down. 263

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* * * * * 95 M: In the second draft I will change it a little bit and work on my verbs in the sentences and the third one maybe I will change a little bit, but I will keep the verb and, you know, I will add, get some acting and LOO thinking of that person, the character that I wrote, out. * * * * * Q: Well, it looks like you succeeded, got an A, that's good. What do you think Mrs. L05 Marshall is looking for when she reads your papers, what do you think she's mostly concerned with? M: You know, I put some art in there. * * * * * .10 M: Yeah, like I jump into the bed and turn on the light, I do that, that is a art, right? So what I need, I know about when I write about a ghost, I talk about that, but I didn't really tell the reader about what does it look L15 like, I just have it's short and that's all I say, I know I have to, but I don't really like writing, so kind of lazy work on that. * * * * * Q: And do you think she's more interested in .20 your ideas or she's more interested in your grammar or how you use the language? M: I think most of time she--I don't know but I think she like my idea better than my grammar . 25 * * * * * 264

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Q: What do you think helps you the most what does Mrs. Marshall do or what could she do that would help you as you go from one paper to the next . what are some things .30 does that seem to help you? M: When I writed something, I don't know how to use word, but I know it wrong, so that's why I need help, that's only way--! can think of it, I can write it, but I stuck with it, .35 this sentences. Do you know like last period in the class, they say "many in." I don't think that's very good idea at all because if you in Russia, in the labor camp in soviet Arabia [sic], it repeat "in" a lot 40 * * * * * M: I know I have a mistake, but I can't pick it out. Q: so if she goes and she marks things here, then does that help you, like here she'd .45 circled the verbs. M: I know the verb, but the verb is not really important, but I think . sometime give the word, you know. * * * * * .50 Q: OK, as you think about this assignment here, what was most important to you as you were writing it, what were you trying to do, what were your goals for writing this assignment? .55 M: Actually, I don't have any goal in that, so what I think, then I just write out and just keep it correct with the first one [the prompt] where it end. * * * * * 265

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160 M: And I have to make good. If I give you these sentences, I think it's good, but which way I have to put it in. Like you telling "I'm thirteen years old," then "I'm from Vietnam," 'then you know you like jump, like 165 you give this one and then you go to another one, like if you, like you have to continue the second one, but you jump up to the first one again, so--* * * * * 170 Q: Is there anything you borrowed or think you borrowed from Edgar Allan Poe or from that story? M: Well, for this one, I use the marking, but I can't--175 Q: This marking? The exclamation mark? M: Yeah, Iuse it from "The Tell-Tale Heart," I did "Suddenly I hear a noise came, come, from kitchen," but I can't put, you know, I did a way the "Tell-Tale Heart" story was wrote, but 180 I can't put more of them in my story. * * * * * Q: When you get a paper back, what do you look at first? * * * * * 185 M: First I look at my grade. If I have no grade, I will look at the comment first. I have no comment, I will check it and then look on my file. If I have a comment, then I have to check back over, let's see what she tell me what do I 190 need, so I add some of them in, then write a second one, then turn it in and see how it was and if it nothing, then I will write the final. 266

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Q: So here when you got this back, your final copy, you looked at your grade, then your eyes 195 went down here to the comment--did you go back through here? M: No, I just see red mark and so--because the story that I wrote, I know it, a lot about it, so I just see the mistake that I made. 200 Q: Did you look and say, "Ooops! This should have been came, I forgot the e on came--" M: It "come," I did know that "come," see? [Shows me earlier draft.] Now I make a mistake, I know that. I made a mistake myself, I know 205 that. Q: OK, so you're not going to pay too much attention there. M: Mmmhmm because this one I have make a lot of mistakes, here I'm not, you see, just some of 210 them, the capital and the period, not really the verbs, just one or two. * * * * * M: Yeah, you see, it "Suddenly I grabbed it and turned the light on," but this one I said "I 215 decided to turn the light on," but on that one [the final draft], I didn't say that, so that's why. I add in it. * * * * * M: Because if I think, you know why did I change 220 it, I change it because it not really matching it because if I will see the ghost, I don't have the courages to stand up and grab him, I don't, I really don't, whatever he look like or whatever it look like, I'm not, so that's why I 225 put I turned the lighting down, so it will match with the way I am. 267

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* * * * * Q: Well, that's your final draft. How about these first two drafts? What would you have 230 noticed here first of all? Would you have read this first or would you kind of go through--M: Uh, I don't go through that. I remember what I wrote, so I didn't look at it when I write the second one, I don't. I just said, "I turned"--235 it already in my mind, the. verb, so I don't need it, so she say, 11Just check over your verbs," I have the main idea, so I didn't need the verbs. Q: So you didn't look at this [at the verbs circled in the text], you just sort of looked 240 down here at "Check all your verbs." M: Yeah and she say, "What did it look like?" But I have some, you know, here to go with really, so I say that, but I know it not correct, but I didn't write it so I really don't 245 write it, I really don't check it. * * * * * M: Then if she say "Check the verbs," I say OK, that no problem, but then also, you know, I let out some few sentences, then I show her, and 250 then on this one, I put some of the first one, but, you know, I use the first, first draft sentences, I put in, but I change it a little bit, and then maybe it wrong, then I have to go back to the first one and put in my final one. 255 Q: OK, so then you maybe check back to, went back to the first draft when you did this final draft. M: Some of them. Q: OK, how did you feel when you read Mrs. 260 Marshall's comments, like when you see this-does this just tell you something that you kind 268

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of already thought you needed to do? [Referring to comment to check all verbs.] M: Well, I know that before if I turn it in, so 265 that's why I don't need to very get upset about it, I really don't. * * * * * Q: Do you think this ended up being a good piece of writing? 270 M: Not really. Q: Why not? You got an A-on it. M: Well, it's not really the thing that I like to write, but kinda, but you know, that I write is not really my best work I think. I can write 275 down some of them sometime, sometime I can draw it, continue this to one page, but sometime I get stuck over here then I can't think of some more there, I just see what the time. Q: OK, so is it more like the ideas--you've got 280 the ideas, but the words kind of aren't there. M: Yeah, when I can't find the word, the way use the word, so I can't think it out anymore. * * * * * M: That made me forget about my idea. 285 Q: Oh, so sometimes having to worry about the language causes you to lose the ideas. OK, so when you get a paper back from Mrs. Marshall, do you read over all of it, most of it? M: No, I just read my grade and or no grade, I 290 read the comment. Q: OK, so you don't really go over what you wrote with the markings. 269

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M: If I wrote it, I will remember it, I will change it'anyway I want. If I didn't wrote it, then I have to recheck it and go slowly. Q: How many of Mrs. Marshall's corrections do you really pay attention to? Would you say you pay attention to all of them, most of them, some of them? 300 M: Most of the thing I pay attention and the present perfect tense and the past tense and the present tense ending, the way I use the word. I know I make it wrong, but I don't know how to make it out. I don't know how to write right. 305 * * * * * M: She is---grammar and verbs is the most of the mistake I made. * * * * * M: Oh, yeah, because I already have my ideas, so 310 I remember it, when I wrote it, I will remember it, I just change it, what she say, I do change. Q: Have there ever been any comments which you didn't understand? M: No. 315 Q: So usually you understand everything she has put on there. And what would you do if you didn't understand something? M: Well, because sometime I think my sentence is right, but she say it is wrong and I don't know 320 why it wrong. If she didn't explain to me, I just find her to explain it to me why it wrong and what's wrong with it. * * * * * 270

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Q: OK, some other questions. What do you think 325 you do well as a writer? M: I don't like to write, I like to read. If you give me, you know, in my country, my house there is a lot, a lot of book and comic and news and the newspaper and the folktale . 330 Q: So you really like to read a lot. M: Yeah ... but you know now I not really like it because there is no book for me to read and the American book it's good but it make me not really interest 'cause it hard and I don't know, 335 it really different. Q: So as a writer, is there anything you think you do well? You say, 11I may not like to write, but I know I can do this well most of the time when I write. 11 Anything you can think of to say 340 that you do well? M: I don't know because what I thinking about that and then I just write down, so I really don't know. * * * * * 345 M: Because I have to! I have to write it and then I can get more grade, I can get an A or a B, then I can use it for my future, and that is why I have to do, but really I don't want to write. 350 * * * * 271

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Mai. 1/14/91 Q: How often are you able to read in Vietnamese? M: At home in Vietnam I read a lot, but here they don't have many books, many papers or 5 magazines, so I don't get to read a lot, but I can read. * * * * * Q: If you think about yourself as a writer, if you think about yourself at the beginning of 10 the schooi year back in August, how do you think you've changed as a writer since August? M: I think [my writing is] the same, but I know about the things, about the rules to combine the sentences or like the literary 15 terms I know more about that, but about the writing I don't know. * * * * * Q: OK. If a new ESL student came to East Plains and they asked you, "Hey, Mai, what am 20 I going to have to do in that class, you know, about that ESL II reading and writing class, what kind of writing am I going to have to do?", what would you tell them? M: You have to read, then discuss about the 25 story, about the author, what the meaning of the, what the message the author give, and you can study what the meaning of that story or there's no meaning and discuss about it. Writing you have to answer the questions from 30 the story that you read and sometime you do the sentences, you all the while learn the new words. * * * * * 272

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Q: OK. I: wanted to ask you just one more 35 question.. Last time you know we were talking about the, scary story and you mentioned that when you look at the teacher's comments, a lot of the times, you'll just look at the general comments that she makes, is that right? 40 M: Mmmhmm and see which one I see I did wrong and why and I will change it next time and that's ali. * * * * * Q: You read what she's marked inside the text? 45 M: No, I read the comment and what the red pen or blue pen whatever is the matter my paper. * * *'* * * 273

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APPENDIX D MRS. MARSHALL'S LETTER TO NEW INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS INFORHAPION FOR: NEW INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS AT WHS As the advisor for the international students and as an English as a second language teacher, I say to you, "WELCOME TO WESTWAY HIGH SCHOOL"! You are a valuable member of our student body as one of our international students. We usually have about 55 students from foreign countries at Westway High. Some are refugees, who come to the U.S.A. because of political problems in their countries, and some are immigrants, whose families have moved here for better opportunities. The third category of international students is the.exchange students. These students are here to study for one year, and then will return to their countries. They usually live with American families or with relatives. Our international students come from all over the world, and represent many different cultures. Having all of you in our school is of real benefit to everyone. There is much to learn from each other about the world. WE ARE REALLY GLAD TO HAVE YOU HERE!!! Some students help with English, so we offer English as a second language (ESL) classes. Others take regular classes, but need extra English help from time to time from teachers and tutors. Anyone who has difficulty with the language or with any subject can always get help. He or she just needs to ask. If you have any kind of trouble at all, regarding school:or anything else, please come and see me in my office. I would be very happy to do what I can get help you or to direct you to someone who can. I am at Westway to work with you and be your friend. 274

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It is important that you attend the meetings for international students that are held on a regular basis. At these meetings I will give you information about what is going on at school. This will help you understand what is going on better, and assist you in making decisions about what activities you might want to participate in. WHS is a very big school, and it is easy to feel lost and bewildered, especially at first. In order to feel a part of the school right away, it is important to get involved in clubs, sports or -other activities. You will hear the morning announcements reminding you of meetings:that are coming up, and you will also be able to read the daily bulletin. However, sometimes it is a lot to take in at first, so let me help you with that, too. The important thing to remember is that you should get involved in some kind of activity, so that you will feel a part of the school and make friends. However, if you are not interested right now, that is all right, too. Making American friends is one of the most difficult problems for international students. The reason for this is a cultural one. Westway is large and a lot of the students -have known each other for a long time. While they might meet you and say ''Hi 11 to you in the halls and in the classrooms, it might not occur to them that you would also like to get together with them on the weekends. Most American students are involved with many activities and jobs outside of school hours, and do not always notice that new students are lonely and want to go out on the weekends. If you are going to have a good time here this year, you might have to be the first to break the ice. This means that you have to get the information out that you would like to go to, for example, a football game or a movie. You should not hesitate to ask an American student if he or she would like to do. something with you after school or on the weekends . Sometimes this feels awkward, but if you get to know someone from a club, or a sport, for instance, already you and that person have something in common. It sometimes takes time to make friends, but one of the best ways to understand 275

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the American culture and improve your English is by socializing with Americans. Besides being and involved with their own group of friends, some American students feel shy about meeting international students. Again, this is not because you are not welcome or acceptable. It is probably because American teenagers do not know a lot about other'cultures and countries. They also do not know another language well, in most instances. So,:again, you have a job to do! Not only am I encouraging you to break the ice and try to start a friendship, I am also telling you that you will be a teacher this year. You will have lots of opportunities to teach us about you, your country and your culture. This will bring the world closer, and will be much more interesting than reading about it in a textbook. From the first day you arrive in this country, you will notice differences. It is very interesting for us to hear about what you thought it would be like in this part of the USA, versus what it is really like now that you are here. Share this with us! It makes for good conversation. In addition, Americans like to tell you about themselves, so ASK them questions. They would feel comfortable answering your questions and concerns about this school and culture. Because you are an international group of representatives ,from all over the world, you will have a wonderful opportunity to learn a lot about other countries :and cultures. Usually, all people grow up thinking that the world is where they are from. They have very little opportunity to work and party with persons from different countries. This chance to become close friends with the members of the Westway international group will expand your horizons and make you a more aware world citizen. It is a gift to be able to get to know so many interesting young people from other areas of the globe, who, :you will find, care about the same things as you: peace, friendship, a clean environment and having a good time. 276

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Last, but not least, I am here to support you in any way I can this year. I am free Periods 1, 2, 6, 7, and 8 every day, and you can make an appointment with me to come into my office to ask questions, ask for help, or just talk! I want to get to know you and become your' friend. I will do whatever I can to make this year go smoothly for you. There are many others in the school who will help you, too, so please don't to ask. I GOOD LUCK! ENJOY! TAKE EACH DAY AS IT COMES! Come in and let me know how it is going. My home number is -------, if you have questions ahead of time. Please contact me when you arrive, so I can help you with your schedule. See you soon! Deanna Marshall (International Student Advisor) 277

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APPENDIX E MRS. MARSHALL'S PHILOSOPHY OF EDUCATION My job as an English as a Second Language teacher and foreign student advisor encompasses more than these titles imply. It involves my functioning as an educator and counselor, as well as a psychologist, social worker and surrogate parent to the international students and their families. My job also entails being a translator, an Englishspeaking friend and a liaison between the Immigration Department and the home. It is a job of dedication to the international students' linguistic, academic, social and emotional success throughout their acculturation in the United States. However, this describes only one part of my professional responsibility. The other part is my role of educator-in-general for all students. This requires totality: a commitment to the future of all young people by helping them prepare for the challenges of adulthood. The following is my philosophy as it pertains to education in general. I feel that in order for students to develop the attitudes, skills, and knowledge that_are necessary for independent functioning in society, the educational system must meet four criteria: a) a learning setting that is comfortable and secure b) a comprehensible purpose for every lesson that is taught or for every assignment that is given c) a is relevant to the needs and lives of the students d) a curriculum that includes intercultural awareness First, I believe that all students must feel comfortable and secure in the learning environment. 278

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They must be free to share their ideas and perspectives in an atmosphere of trust and respect. As they establish their individual identities and develop their self respect, students must also learn to open their minds to new ideas and challenges. In a supportive environment, students will reach out for educational opportunities. Group interaction is also essential since "No man is an island unto himself." (John Donne) Second, I believe that every learning task must have a purpose. If students understand why the content is important, they will integrate it on a more meaningful level. They must understand how their studies contribute to their intellectual, social and emotional growth. They must perceive the relationship between what is being studied and how it applies to what is happening in the world outside the classroom. students must understand that there are often no answers, that many different perspectives must be considered. It is the raising of questions and the seeking of solutions that is important. They must also understand how it feels to walk in the shoes of another, in order to see where they themselves fit into the broader picture. Third, I believe that along with purpose, the curricula must be relevant to the lives of the students. It must provide opportunities to see how the past connects to the present and future. Students must perceive the world not only from their own conditioned frames of reference, but also from the diverse perspectives of others. A relevant curricula would permit students to ask; "What did this person, place or thing contribute to society?" andjor "How does (whoever, whatever) fit into my life today?" Finally, I feel that it is critical for the goals of education to be shifted from an ethnocentric base to one that includes an international dimension. This would mean that world history, geography and political science, as well as world literature, arts and foreign languages would be required courses for most students. The interconnectedness of the nations of the world as evidenced by the food and commodities people buy, 279

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the travel and job opportunities they avail themselves of, and the ethnically diverse population of the United States points to the importance of all persons of the world working in harmony. But to achieve this end, teachers must also be educated in international and intercultural perspectives. They must be knowledgeable about world affairs and the relationships between countries. This international emphasis s.hould be part of the curricula. In conclusion, I believe that if the criteria of comfort and security in the learning environment, purpose and relevancy in the curricula, and awareness of both national and international issues were met, students would be better prepared to meet the challenges of an interdependent world and society. In addition, they would be better equipped to make an important contribution to their families, their communities and their world. 280

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APPENDIX F TOPICS FOR ESL ENTRANCE WRITING SAMPLE The teacher will tell you which topics to write about. 1. Write a paragraph about what you usually do in your family when someone has a birthday. 2. Write a paragraph about a special time you remember from your past. 3. Write a description of what you have already done today. (this month, since arriving in the U.S.A.) 4. Write a paragraph about what you would like to do when you have graduated from high school. Give examples. Explain your reasoning. 5. Write a paragraph about what you hope to have accomplished ten years from now. What might your life be like? 6. If you were able to change something about yourself, your family, your school or your country, what would it be? Why? 281

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