Citation
Bear and duck kidnapping

Material Information

Title:
Bear and duck kidnapping
Creator:
Dodge, Mary K.
Schafer, Jay
Publication Date:
Language:
English

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Source Institution:
Auraria Library
Holding Location:
Auraria Library
Rights Management:
Copyright [name of copyright holder or Creator or Publisher as appropriate]. Permission granted to University of Colorado Denver to digitize and display this item for non-profit research and educational purposes. Any reuse of this item in excess of fair use or other copyright exemptions requires permission of the copyright holder.

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Full Text
This is the tale of a bear and a duck,
And sensible people all running amuck.
The bear was kidnapped, with ransom to pay,
The duck was replaced with the soup of the day.
Epistles were sent and troops were aligned,
Arrangements were made for a truce to be signed.
So that furry and feathery friends could be free
To return to the places where they used to be.
So ends the hysteria, halts the alarm:
Auraria wont be an animal farm.


OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! YOU GOT US MAD!!!!
No more negotiation. There better be 2 dozen cinnamon rolls by Jay's door
at 8:30 a.m. or
WE CLUB THE CUB!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111


July 10, 1987
TO: All parties involved in the great bear/duck crisis.
FROM: Jay Schafer
RE: Hostage negotiations
A concord has been reached by which Steve will agree to
celebrate Mary's birthday this year. It is requested that all
interested parties bring the hostages to Room 250 at 9:30 on
Monday July 13. A signing of the treaty and exchange of
prisoners will take place.
Thank you for your cooperation in returning peace and goodwill
to the workplace.


BERNARD TWITCHET COUNSELOR AT LAW
14642 W. E. Blvd.
Countyline Rd.
Denver, CO 80484
July 13, 1987
Auraria Library
Library Reference
Attention: Mary Dodge
Lawrence at 11th St.
Denver, Colo. 80204
Dear Reference Department,
In regards to my client, Media Distribution, I am afraid that we must
make a plea for money in the so-called Bear Suit.
This is only because Mr. Teddy Van Bear has gone through so many
unBEARable events. He was terribly emBEARassed since he was BEARnapped
in his BEARskin. But he has so far been able to BEAR up the staff in
suggesting my services. I can only BEAR out that there will be further
action taken in this matter! And even though I hate to be the BEARer of
bad news, well, you asked for it! We will BEARishly BEAR down on you all
so hard that you will be sorry that any of this BEAR stuff ever happened!
Mr. Bear is currently undergoing BEAR hug therapy at the Brown Bear
Spa in the Springs. Fees for this treatment will also be encluded in the
court case of Bear versus Duck.
Oh, yes, the amount of money we are filing for? BEAR maximum, as much
as we can get!
Bearfully yours
Bernard K. Twitchet
Counselor At Law
yb


Dr. Von Drake
8927 Duck Lane
La Orange, CO 87483
July 13, 1987
Auraria Library
Media Distribution
Lawrence at 11th St.
Denver, CO 80204-2096
Dear Media Distribution Department,
The following letter is to warn you that you will be receiving many (duck)
bills within the near future. This is due to the fact that my patient,
Duck E. Soup, has undergone mass psychotherapy in my clinic.
Duck has become massively mallardjusted! Yes, he's quacked up, to put
it bluntly. Due to the trauma caused by his DUCKnapping, you could say,
(and I am) that a few of his feathers have been ruffled!
This incident will not go DOWN unnoticed!! I have had to call in an
outside professional for additional help, his name is Howard D. Duck.
You've probably heard of him, he's very good at what he does. In fact,
he's a residentual faculty member on your campus in the Ornathology
Department.
My first bill will be soon forthcoming! (You may lay an egg after you see
the prices of my fees!)
Swimmingly yours,,
Dr. Von Drake
PHD, BA, MO, LSD, STP, BO


DECLARATION OF PEACE
THE GREAT BEAR/DUCK CRISIS
We the undersigned representatives agree to cease all hostle
actions in the GREAT BEAR/DUCK CRISIS and live in peaceful
coexistence, if not harmony, as long as the party of the first
part, commonly known as Steve Mascaro, agrees to recognize and
celebrate the birthday (reputed to be July 30, 1987) of the
party of the second part, commonly known as Mary Dodge (but not
as commonly as the party of the first part).
All hostages will be returned upon the signing of this agreement
and shall be received as the real heroes of this conflagration,
having suffered greatly because of the mortal trivialities of
the humans involved.
Signed and sealed this 13th day of July, in the year of 1987.
7-/*!> 'SI


DECLARATION OF PEACE
THE GREAT BEAR/DUCK CRISIS
We the undersigned representatives agree to cease all hostle
actions in the GREAT BEAR/DUCK CRISIS and live in peaceful
coexistence, if not harmony, as long as the party of the first
part, commonly known as Steve Mascaro, agrees to recognize and
celebrate the birthday (reputed to be July 30, 1987) of the
party of the second part, commonly known as Mary Dodge (but not
as commonly as the party of the first part).
All hostages will be returned upon the signing of this agreement
and shall be received as the real heroes of this conflagration,
having suffered greatly because of the mortal trivialities of
the humans involved.
Signed and sealed this 13th day of July, in the year of 1987
le Bear
ARIAtl


THE WORLD'S ONLY
Quick cures for
Queer quacks by the
Cute queen of
Quack cures.
CALL 4-QUACK
OR WRITE DDT
HUNGRY BEAR LANE
UPPER BEAR CREEK
DREARY
DUCK
THERAPIST
One satisfied customer says:
COLORADO OOYUM


*- WANTED *
Alive
S-tufped
Brown standard size 12" TEDDY BEAR AKA TEDDY THE TERRIBLE. Last
seen in Auraria Media Distribution, looking up ladies skirts.
FURRED AND DANGEROUS
Reward for whereabouts


July 10
1987
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TO:
FROM
RE:
All parties involved in the great
Jay Schafer
Hostage negotiations
bear/duck
crisis.
A concord has been reached by which Steve will agree to
celebrate Mary's birthday this year. It is requested that all
interested parties bring the hostages to Room 250 at 9:30 on
Monday July 13. A signing of the treaty and exchange of
prisoners will take place.
Thank you for your cooperation in returning peace and goodwill
to the workplace.
t
I
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Police teddy bear taken hostage'
By Judy Harrington
Special to The Denver Post
FORT COLLINS Police have
put out an all-points bulletin in the
bearnapping of a member of the
Police Teddy Bear Auxiliary.
Gunter Bear, 2, described as 10
inches tall, brown hair and eyes, of
stout build and furry complexion,
disappeared from the police sta-
tions fraiid and forgery office be-
tween 2:30 and 3:30 p.m. Wednes-
day. )
Officers use Gunter and other
bears to help dalm frightened
young children sp they can talk
about crimes they1have witnessed.
Authorities believe Gunters dis-
appearance is part of a practical
joke being played within the de-
partment. Nevertheless, Detective
Hal Dean, Gunters partner in the
fraud and forgery unit, wants the
bear back.
Dean said he has received
three or four ransom notes and
two Polaroid photos that show j
Gunter holding Wednesday and j
Thursday editions of a newspaper. ;
He declined to reveal the j
amount of the ransom sought, but
said theres not a chance in the
world that he can pay it.
A composite drawing of Gunter
was issued to all officers on Thurs- -
day.






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auraria library
iawrnce at 11 tti street denver. Colorado S02CU1
idenver's academic library
THE STUFF BEARS ARE MADE OF.
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